[DebbieLill]

Hello everyone,
I have suffered from severe depression for 4 years. During that time (however more so this year), I constantly find myself saying to myself or my mother that I want to die or that I want to kill myself or that I hate living. I have also been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I'm posting this because a suicide prevention website suggested I talk to somebody about this. I am always distressed or anxious or in an extremely low mood. I've tried everything to get better but this has persisted for 4 long years. I take antidepressants and anti psychotic medications. I also have medication for my panic attacks. How can I stop these intrusive and annoying thoughts? When or will I ever be happy again?

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am sorry you are in so much pain and struggling with suicidal thoughts. I get those thoughts myself. Are you seeing a therapist? You could try to make a list of coping strategies and see if they work to distract yourself from these thoughts. You could also make a list of reasons to live and really think about them. It also helps to be mindful of your thoughts and just feel them. Recognize that you have them and not judge them. I think you can be happy again you just need to find ways to be happy. Its not easy to do any of this when you are having suicidal thoughts, I know. The best thing is to not let them consume you. Stay connected to people so you feel less alone. I wish you the best and I hope the thoughts get better and you can start healing. You deserve healing and to have a good, happy life.

[speckofdust]

Debbie-

Those thoughts and ideations are super difficult to reconcile, in my opinion. I don't have answers, but this forum is a great place to visit and post thoughts and issues.

My T suggested that I try writing self-compassionate letters by thinking of what I would say to someone I care about if he or she came to me with a problem.

One of my letters addresses my own daily thoughts of "controlling my own destiny." I am always afraid to tell my T directly that I am making these plans, even though they are for a time a little ways off, because I'm afraid she'll want me to go to the hospital, or she will just shut me down because of the topic.

Anyway, the self-compassionate letter doesn't, on its own, solve the problem, but it is helping me see the other side of the equation. Maybe if we can accept and appreciate the feelings, we can let ourselves have time and space to think, and then move on from them for a bit.

I commend you for your bravery in posting this, and I hope you will find a way to keep moving forward on a path to finding some happiness for yourself!

Sent from my XT1080 using Tapatalk

[KimberlyQ]

I am reading a book called How I Stayed Aiive when My Brain was Trying to Kill Me by Susan Rose Blauner, and finding it pretty helpful. I hope you find your way to the happiness you desire!