Idk

I've been shamed so many times for using words, from earliest childhood.

"Sensitive" isn't the same as "weak"..

I wonder sometimes if we really are "alone" . I have some lovely friends on here and a few elsewhere..
(But what is "real" I've been wrong so many times before not surprising maybe as my "childhood" was built on an illusion )
Am I even real? I am but I ...feel like deleting this

fuzzy I am sensitive and weak...and I feel alone most of the time

I don't think you're weak... Being sensitive is definitely a good quality in intelligent people which you obviously are. Feeling alone sucks I'm sure it is linked to pain in childhood

fuzzy I am very weak....but I am not mean....but I am angry....I am kind also
how about you...

I'm kind but often feel angry. And I'm not mean either

I guess everyone is weak in a sense...

I am on the defensive so much with others...I continue getting hurt by others...I am screwed up...others probably don't care that much...I think when I was young I had to be very careful around my mother...I don't even know why I would say that...she loved me...I have a screw loose here...
I have many screws loose....its amazing that I am still here..

and it is more amazing that you are here talking about the terrible things that happened to you...you are something else to have survived all that stuff...

I also still get hurt by others... As you'll have noticed in my other posts maybe, insensitive doctors aren't my favourite people (they have 5 or 10 minutes and sometimes say the most "dumb" things . I wonder how some of them get their medical degree . But their biggest "failing" is lack of caring and appalling choice of words

I probably have several screws loose I'm not sure how I'm still here either

when you see a doctor is it a psychiatrist...and how long are your appointments...what do they say...I see my psychiatrist every 3 months now..
I used to go every week...he falls asleep sometimes...really makes me feel important...he has a problem

I have seen psychiatrists in the past.....- the NHS shrink allocated 15 minutes to each patient . I think he was basically a good man but burnt out . I saw him every 3 months, I stopped going to see him when I asked him if I could see him more often and he said there was "no point" so yes, very burnt out and maybe not all that caring . Other than that comment he was more human to speak to than most of the general practitioners I've seen, with 2 exceptions .. GP's only give 10 minutes (unless they perceive an "emergency" )

Falling asleep that is one thing that has never happened to me

hugs to you fuzzy for now...thanks for the info