[estrella]

It's funny how when we need the most, we push people away. I'm feeling isolated from everyone, and I'm the one who has out myself there. I can't even rightfully talk about it on here, which is why I have seldom been online.

I'm trying to get help. But I feel like everything has become too much, from getting out of bed to eating. Sometimes I feel a spark of hope, while in others, I feel myself drowning further into...I really don't know what to call it. Depression? Some kind of bleak passage? Just a hump in the road my little self can't get over?

I'm tired. I'm so drained from all this worry and trying to keep my head up that I can barely stand another day. The police came looking for me the other morning because I called a hotline and overdosed later on.

I want to not feel so trapped. And I feel so trapped and I don't even know why. Everything reminds me of her and him and just I want to be okay and know I am. I want to believe I can do it and make it through.

How do you begin to process the past? The last time I went for therapy and med management, they messed up my appointment twice in the same go around and I told them to go eff themselves. So, please, if you know any journaling prompts or workbooks to help work through the pain until I can find a decent place, that would be awwwesome.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Hello, Dear. I think you already know you really do need to go ask for some help with your depression and despair. There is help out there and no one should suffer needlessly like you are doing. Depression can make a person feel so wiped out and tired of even trying anymore. With depression we can stop eating and taking care of ourselves the way we should. Depression is not something we deserve but it is something that can be treated. Depression really messes with us. It takes away our initiative and will to do what we need to do, so we a have to work truly hard at getting up and going for help.

You are too precious to be feeling so badly, to be missing out on all the good stuff in life.

I send you big grandma hugs and all kinds of positive vibes. Take care and know people care about you and want you to feel good about yourself and life.

[adam_k]

You can't solve a thinking problem by thinking. Digging up things from the past and processing them is really hard to do alone. It doesn't have to be a therapist but there has to be a high level of trust. If the therapist can't do something as simple as get an appointment right how can you have any confidence in them helping you with what you are going through. There are good ones out there and like dating you may have to go through a few before you find someone that works for you.

Do you have anyone, friends/family that you trust to talk to? The nice thing about therapy is they are bound to keep your secrets and you can tell them to never bring something up again.

I'm not sure what type of help you are looking for. There are DBT "Dialectical behavior therapy" workbooks and tips out there. Not sure if you know what DBT is, but the short version is learning skills on how to deal with upsetting feelings. Like learning how to tolerate distress, how to gain some emotional regulation and a few other things. The nice thing about DBT is that they are skills you can learn and apply.

[Fuzzybear]