I can't take it anymore

I don't know how much more time and money I'm willing to put in to fix myself. There just seems to be no point anymore yet somehow I'm still here hating myself more and more each day and wishing I was dead.

I'm seeing my T on Friday but that 50mins a week is the only time I feel supported and understood. I just don't think that's going to be enough anymore.

Thanks for the replies

Sending hugs your way! Don't give up on your fight. You may not feel that any of your efforts are worth it but they are. It is a lot harder for some us then others. Depression sucks and people just don't understand it. At least you can look forward to seeing your therapist. There is hope.

((((((((((((( retro-chic ))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with the depression and not wanting to be here anymore. I can definitely relate to the depression issue, but I'm not suicidal and don't have suicidal ideation, so that part I can only empathize with.

I know that the depression will lie to you. It will tell you all the negative things that can bring you down to a point where you feel you don't have the strength to get back up again. In my own experience, I know that it won't last forever and I will find some relief before it happens again. I don't know how I would feel if I didn't have those times of relief though.

It's hard to keep hearing the lies and trying to counteract the with truth and positive thoughts. They don't come easily when depressed. Seeing a T for 50 minutes a week doesn't seem like much and I can imagine trying to hold on to those short 50 minutes until the next visit is very hard.

Can you ask your T to give you a second session for the next couple of weeks until you are feeling better? Please be honest with your T as to exactly how you are feeling. Are you on meds? Do they need to be adjusted maybe?

I'll gladly keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you find some relief very soon. Hold on tightly! You can do this!

I'm sorry your feeling down. Are there any mental health support groups in your area? Maybe you could try a in person support group for some support and understanding between therapy sessions. I have also felt the way you described. I tend to isolate when I am depressed.

I can't afford to see my T more than once a week. In fact, I can barely afford weekly session as it is and I tried to go fortnightly but I couldn't cope with that. I was on meds but they were causing unpleasant side effects (excessive sweating) and I didn't think they were helping anyway. I've been trying to see a Pdoc and after seeing my GP twice about a referral and being messed around and finding out that I wont be able to get an appointment until October, I have given up.

I just got home after yet another torturous day at work only to be greeted by my parents who sat me down and lectured me about how I'm selfish, am a bad friend, don't do anything around the house, don't exercise etc etc. I just sat there crying the whole time and they didn't seem to give a flying @#&*. I hate them so much.

So, i know it is nothing personal but I can't help but feel a lack of support here. I feel a lack of support in my life in general which is why I'm turning to you guys.

Kind of hanging by a thread here and could really use some encouragement to help me make it to Friday when I see my T.

I know how you are feeling, I don't know how you make it with just 50 min a week. I get 50 min a month, with my new therapist. She diagnosed me with Anhedonia. I have lost the pleasure of everything. Hang in there my email address is abiaterana@gmail.com write me there anytime.

hello there..today is one of these ,lately,rare days i decide to visit this good site and lucky me i just found your message...i know perfectly what you are going through,,i have been too "officially" diagnosed severe depression,among other things some years ago but i i believe i have been like this most of my life..
Went to visit a psychiatrist,meds,regular visits to my doctor and so on,,,but nothing helps so i quit it all..i have just accepted my reality and destiny and it is just a question of time...hopefully sooner than later....
It would be nice t have a opportunity to chat with you sometimes and thereby ,perhaps, ,exchange some info especially regarding coping techniques,,among other things of course....I can say the same,,,," I canno take this much longer",,,and i k now for certain that i am getting close to a breaking??final?point where i will say Farewell....please,,,if you have the same feelings or ideas,,,,please,REPLY...it would be my pleasure,,i only have a couple of persons here i talk to occasionally and like you,,i am trying to find some advice and help..
like I said,,i don´t visit this site very much but you can count on me.......at anytime..i will make myself worthy of your trust,,

I don't know how I missed this thread ... Not that I'm anyone "special" but for what it's worth I send you my sincere support. Thinking of you, please post again soon, I care
(Feel free to PM me... )

i get you op the only thing i can suggest that may help as it helps my depression is getting some exercise start by going for a walk and take it from thier

Absolutely don't take it personally. It seems everyone is in pretty deep inside their heads which is why most of us are here. I know you can't see through the dark fog of depression right now. Go outside, if even for a moment. Force yourself to do something fast, it changes the brain chemistry a bit. What I find helpful is to reach out to someone who is also depressed. Sometimes it's really cathartic to help someone else through a kind word or meaningful quote. It makes you step outside of your head for a moment. Hugs.

Thank you so much for all the replies!
I saw my T today which helped a bit. Usually I write down a bunch of things to talk about but I didn't this time. I was just too tired but also I think a part of me was resisting because I was scared of sharing such intense feelings. I did manage to give her a basic run down of what's been going on and the thoughts I've been having, just not as much detail as I normally would.

Anyway, thanks again for the support everyone and I'm sorry for the "woe is me" attitude I was having earlier.