[Sadley]

(Long read, sorry)Hi, I have been on here before but its been probably a year since I've posted last. Nothing's changed. I'm 26 years old, male, and I have had severe depression for as long as I can remember. I've tried working through a CBT self-help workbook, I've tried EFT, PTSD treatment where you feel back and forth vibrations (I forget what that's called [even though I don't have PTSD]) I've tried countless therapists, psychiatrists, meds, counseling, you name it. I've even tried a subliminal messaging program, although I forget what it was called now (my memory is terrible). Things I've looked into trying but haven't are ketamine shots (too expensive and insurance doesn't cover it because it is considered an "experimental treatment") and ECT (I'm kind of afraid of doing this, I'm sure it would at least cost my entire out-of-pocket-max, plus it takes a loooong time with repeating sessions).

I've considered suicide many times, but I won't do it because I don't want to hurt my family. That's the only thing stopping me.

There are very few things that make me happy in this life, one of which is being in a relationship and being loved. I've always wanted to have a girlfriend. I've been with one girl for 2 years but she left me because she couldn't handle my depression. I've only dated 2 other girls after her, and they have a lot of other mental problems, I'd even say they are worse off than me, even though that is kinda hard to believe. Pretty much all I care about in life is just having a girlfriend. Everyone tells me that you have to be happy with yourself first, but I simply cannot. They also tell me that another person can't make me happy, but I don't believe that. There is a reason why there are men and women on the planet, and why we're not alone here. Because we have the ability to make each other happy and fulfill each other. How ****** would life be if you were the last man/woman on Earth? Do you think you would still be able to be happy with yourself? Hell no, you wouldn't. Well that's what I feel like. I can't find a partner in this life, so I feel like I'm the last man on Earth pretty much. I'm extremely desperate, but I cannot help it. How can I not be desperate?

I still work and have my job, but its not much and I don't see myself ever being able to get another job due to my severe depression.

Can anyone help me?

hi sadly.

i'm sorry you've got no responses to this yet

just wanted to reply saying that we're all here for you anytime you have something you need to share

[Fuzzybear]

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by Sadley

Everyone tells me that you have to be happy with yourself first, but I simply cannot. They also tell me that another person can't make me happy, but I don't believe that. There is a reason why there are men and women on the planet, and why we're not alone here. Because we have the ability to make each other happy and fulfill each other. How ****** would life be if you were the last man/woman on Earth? Do you think you would still be able to be happy with yourself?

I've never understood that cliche either. Especially when the same people who use that line over and over again turn around and congratulate a newly married couple on "finding happiness." Um, huh?

In regards to the rest of your post, I've heard ECT causes memory loss.

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[elevatedsoul]

i've never been able to get involved in any relationships, even really friendships because of my depression and stuff.. PTSD i guess
im 26 too, and even though i know it would help if i did have someone to 'lean on' and cared for me through the bad times as much as the good times, i feel like i dont want to cause anyone any pain by caring for someone so damaged where im inevitably going to cause some type of hurt, not in the intentional form but in the sense that because when you care about someone that is in pain it also makes you feel pain and i would just like to not put that on anyone before i get involved in any intimate relationships or friendships ...

it wears me down enough trying to play a facade to the ones that are near me, having someone that knows me that intimately would be devastating to both

i just wanted to say that you aren't alone... where as i may not be in your position, maybe our positions are similar..

the only thing i repeat to myself is that moving forward is the only feasible option i have, i can stand still for ever and i wont get anywhere... but if i move in some direction something will change whether its good or bad which doesnt matter anymore as long as something changes... so just keep dragging yourself ahead... its difficult to live with many chains weighing you down and constricting your paths.. but if we can forge chains, in our selves, others, surely we can bend them and break them some how...

failure is not an option... and we only fail when we give up...

[TrappedAndDesperate]

I too was asked by my psychiatrist: "How can you expect someone to love you if you don't like yourself?" I hated that question. It have never liked myself one bit, except when I had someone to take care of and share with. And that's been so, so very long ago. A life without love and intimacy isn't worthwhile to me.

I'm in exactly the same situation as you. I'm all alone. I hate my job, in fact I'm too depressed to do it properly, but I'm also too depressed to find another one. And if I didn't work, I'd stay in bed all day, like I do in the weekend. And hanging on to my job takes all the energy I have, so I'm too tired to take care of myself.

Thinking of buying a pet, but it's so humiliating to have to rely on a pet for affection. A constant reminder of your failure to find romantic love.

I would love to end my life, provided it's quick and painless, except it'd hurt my brother. I love him, but it's awful to be forced to live for someone else when you yourself don't want to be here.