Continued from last thread.

I am feeling good

[Angelique67]

I'm nervous and scared and I don't know all the reasons for that. I just feel pressured and a loss of privacy.

[Caretaker Leo]

I feel relaxed and happily stable. Still in my PJ's by choice.

[Clara22]

I am planing a nice Xmas eve for myself, hope everything will be just fine

[gayleggg]

Still feeling depressed and now my lunch didn't sit well with me so I'm not feeling too good.

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[IceMachine]

I'm stable and low on energy.

[lizzyjb]

Originally Posted by Clara22

I am planing a nice Xmas eve for myself, hope everything will be just fine

I hope so. My best wishes.

A joke I have heard a lot of times use to say if are you going to spend your holidays well or with your family? I will spend it with my family so I would like to disappear or go so so far away...

[Wilderleaf]

I didn't finish. But I tried. It's been a week and a half and I haven't been able to get myself to start working on it again. It feels like it can't possibly have been that long already. Now I've wasted over a week of decent weather. There's probably still time to get it done before Christmas, but I feel stuck. Excuses are so easy.

[winter4me]

OK so far today...

[jbuttz]

So far so good. Set a mental note to not get frustrated today. I'm going to ask my girlfriend to marry me at the park with all the Christmas lights.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

So some idiot an my other site brought up the whole living-without-the-illusion-of-free-will argument and now I'm anxious as hell, I thought I laid that to rest as agnostic on the issue.

[TheOriginalMe]

I'm still hanging on in there, accepting the compromise of side effects over depression. I want to stay on meds until the end of Feb when I will have been stable for six months. Some days it is hard when my bladder is particularly sensitive, but then I remember how hard it is being depressed.

I wish you all the best for the holidays.

I'm doing alright. Good. I do know what depression is and it can stay away, for a long time I hope.

I wish you all the best, hope for those who are struggling, that things will be okay through the holidays.

[Curry]

I was feeling numb and just wanted to hide away. Then I acknowledged the hurt I was feeling, my ex has been gossiping about what a bad mom I am to my kids. This is the second chapter of my life - him taking pot shots over the fence at my self esteem. I asked my daughter if I have been there enough for her. I asked my ex if something I was doing was bothering him. I asked myself, what kind of mom I was aiming to be. I'm okay. This is another learning exercise, and I would like to be an adult in my family. It is not much fun but it works.

i just don't want to be me anymore. i hate myself. another night alone, and it's not being kind to me. i just want to be loved. i'm tired. tired of holding myself up, being everything for myself. i need somebody to be there for me that isn't me.

i can pretend my needs don't exist, but at the end of the day i still have needs. i can't fulfill them all on my own. but there's no other person to be that for me. if only i weren't an ugly virgin loser. of course it's not like i've been actively looking for someone (social anxiety will do that). but i know pretty much what's in this town, and i don't have a chance of finding anyone anyway.

i'm sick of being told that i have time. i'm 19. we all know men don't really go for women past 25. i feel like i'm already old and ugly. i feel like i have to look like a model or no man will want me. wish i was gay sometimes.

if only i dealt better with loneliness. i can tell it's going to be a common feeling in my life.

[JustTvTroping]

Somehow, this family visit isn't as annoying as I thought it would be. Either I just jinxed it, or something inside me broke and I'm able to be immune to such annoyance because of it.

i hate myself. i don't deserve anything.

[TheLastChapter]

Today was ok. I needed to go out and do some Christmas stuff and it was awful for me. I had some intense anxiety when it came down to it. But the thing is, I have no choice I need to get what I need done before Christmas Eve. I really wanted to call into work because I just have not been feeling up for anything lately. All that I want to do is lay in bed. But I went to work and am not sitting at my boyfriends house. So I guess the day was not as bad as I thought that it was going to turn out to be.

Work was OK, pretty slow, but that was to be expected. I'll have Christmas Eve & Christmas Day off; a four day weekend. Tonight I went to a men's group for the first time. I don't want to name it because when I went, it was pretty bad. I don't want to get in trouble if I bad mouth a particular men's group.

The experience was unbelievable. It seemed very hokey. I was very disappointed. It sounded very good when I spoke to someone about the group before I went. It was supposed to make me feel better, but instead it made me feel worse. I won't be going back there again.

[hauntedswamp]

I'm sad, anxious, and bored -- but mostly stable, and I'm looking forward to the four day weekend.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

I'm a mess today. I more or less woke up thinking about how I don't really have any right to feel negative about anything, how guilty I feel about how easy I've had it in life up to now: no abuse, no real problems, just a lot of emotional dysfunction and self-hate. But compared to so many other people, I don't know what it is to suffer, I have no right to feel as awful as I do.

I tried to meditate with some new music this morning and for whatever reason, it made me cry. Like, I just uncurled myself and started bawling until I couldn't anymore. Then lolled around the house until I decided to follow through with a plan to go out and spend money I don't have to stuff myself with food I don't need. Yeah, everything sucks right now.

[SoScorpio]

Meh. I had a day and a half off, I was feeling better. I feel just fine when I'm at home, but as soon as I have to leave the house and head out to work, I just start to feel like crap. It's really annoying, because I actually like my job, and my boyfriend doesn't get it. He thinks if I'm fine at home, then I'm just being a whiner when I feel bad at work.
Made it in anyway without feeling too bad. Got a little stressed at some ambiguous work my boyfriend left for me, had to tell our roommate to have him call me when he got home to clear some stuff up, and he sounded all annoyed. These days it doesn't take much to send me into a rage, and I was mad that whenever I do something he thinks is wrong at work, he freaks out and says I'll get fired and all this stuff, but if I think he did something wrong, he puts on this sneering voice and says it's no big deal, and I should have been able to figure it out myself.
Today I was able to tell myself that he's just frustrated because he's been giving me slack at work, and I come in to work a half day and still can't manage it without calling him. I know it must be frustrating, but it was something he did that made me confused, it's not because I don't know my job. I mean I'm not alone here right, if a customer comes in to pay for their clothes and says she dropped off a $20 gift certificate when she dropped them off, and there is no gift cert to be found or any note on her file, wouldn't that make your heart rate jump a little? There was no way to resolve it and let her have her clothes other than to tell the system I have the gift cert, which I don't. Putting me completely at my boyfriend's mercy, because if he lost it, our A/R department might notice and ask why we gave this person $20 off. But I explained that to him and he says they're not checking. Never mind that he gets mad at me for occasionally faking a 20% coupon because a customer forgot one, and there is NO way for the higher-ups to check on that, since we just throw used coupons out.
But whatever. I'm not letting it ruin my day. If he's still in a bad mood when I get home though, I might have to say something.

Originally Posted by SoScorpio

Meh. I had a day and a half off, I was feeling better. I feel just fine when I'm at home, but as soon as I have to leave the house and head out to work, I just start to feel like crap. It's really annoying, because I actually like my job, and my boyfriend doesn't get it. He thinks if I'm fine at home, then I'm just being a whiner when I feel bad at work.
Made it in anyway without feeling too bad. Got a little stressed at some ambiguous work my boyfriend left for me, had to tell our roommate to have him call me when he got home to clear some stuff up, and he sounded all annoyed. These days it doesn't take much to send me into a rage, and I was mad that whenever I do something he thinks is wrong at work, he freaks out and says I'll get fired and all this stuff, but if I think he did something wrong, he puts on this sneering voice and says it's no big deal, and I should have been able to figure it out myself.
Today I was able to tell myself that he's just frustrated because he's been giving me slack at work, and I come in to work a half day and still can't manage it without calling him. I know it must be frustrating, but it was something he did that made me confused, it's not because I don't know my job. I mean I'm not alone here right, if a customer comes in to pay for their clothes and says she dropped off a $20 gift certificate when she dropped them off, and there is no gift cert to be found or any note on her file, wouldn't that make your heart rate jump a little? There was no way to resolve it and let her have her clothes other than to tell the system I have the gift cert, which I don't. Putting me completely at my boyfriend's mercy, because if he lost it, our A/R department might notice and ask why we gave this person $20 off. But I explained that to him and he says they're not checking. Never mind that he gets mad at me for occasionally faking a 20% coupon because a customer forgot one, and there is NO way for the higher-ups to check on that, since we just throw used coupons out.
But whatever. I'm not letting it ruin my day. If he's still in a bad mood when I get home though, I might have to say something.

I think you should say something to him anyway. I've read some of your other posts, and it sounds to me like he is being very unfair to you. The way he treats you is not okay, and at some point you'll need to let him know that you will not accept that kind of treatment from him anymore, and stick to your guns. If he continues to treat you badly, it's time to break up.

Today was a pretty slow day at work, but that was to be expected. For some strange reason it seems like lately I'm not liking some of the people at work that I used to like. It seems like they have changed; becoming stuck up and bossy. It's too bad because I liked them at one time. It's bad when the people start going downhill at work for me because the people are generally bad at where I live. So I depend on the people at work to cheer me up.

I have not heard from my friend. He has his son, the son's wife, and his son's daughter to visit him. I was asked to come over, but I don't feel comfortable in a family type setting. I miss hearing from my friend. We may get together tomorrow because his son is planning to go back to his home. My friend's wife will be doing volunteer work tomorrow.

I've had some financial disappointments lately. Some good amount of money, I thought, was going to come my way. But there's been some problems. I got shorted with my pay yesterday. Four days of pay did not come my way. That's quite a bit of money; especially now at month's end when the bills are due. Also, there was a problem with an application I made out to get a little financial assistance. Much to my surprise, the application I sent out was not received. It was a good thing that I thought to call them today. So I have to do the application again.