[motoracer11]

Well there you go. This is the second time I've ever admitted it. As good as I try to be I can't stop hating myself for being flawed. I make mistakes everyday that just make life more complicated. Why the **** can't I get it right? I feel worthless when I make the smallest mistakes. I'm angry when I produce anything short of perfection and it's even worse if I have trouble even creating something.

I work in a fabrication shop we have everything short of a CNC lathe, and for the most part I do fine work. But man when I make a mistake it's like the whole ****ing day is ruined. I've had several times where I broke a part trying to fix a semi-complex machine, this led to me basically just giving up. I sit and brood back in my little workshop, where I can usually be by myself, and I just keep getting worked up in my head, constantly telling myself I suck, I can't do this right, why am I here, how the **** did I even get hired. And as much as I try I can't make it go away. I take deep breaths and try to relax but usually it just turns my aggravation into sadness and hopelessness and I just view myself as worthless. Usually after an hour I will just leave even though I may have only been there for way less than I'm supposed to be. I then hop on the bike and haul *** home, and when I say haul *** I'm moving well over the speed limit sometimes into triple digits if I'm in that bad of a mood. I cut cars off and give 0 ****s about others and this just makes me feel worse but I gotta get home. So I can smoke, which then of course I feel worse because I'm a ****ing addict that needs to fix his problems with drug use. So I smoke more and eventually I just smoke till I need to go to sleep or I'm basically catatonic sitting on the couch watching tv.

I don't really know what the point of this post was supposed to be. I guess a good thing to ask at this point is how do you guys cope with small things? Small self failures?

How do I cope with being a failure? I forget who I am, lose who I am, so that I don't need to face it(Note that I am on SSI and I spend every minute of my day on the internet).

I hope this isn't what is happening to you, and I wish I had better advice for you. I would tell you, you're not a failure (because to me you don't sound like one) but I don't know if that would change the way you feel....it never does for me when people tell me I'm not these things.

Motoracer:
Your job sounds stressful. I've only had desk jobs my whole life and am in awe of people who do the kind of work you do. One time I read that to even hope to become proficient at a complex skill like playing the guitar (I think what you do falls into this category), a person has to have at least 10,000 hours of practice. Once they've put in the hours, then enough skills are there to have enough profiency so that the practicing and learning and working are more enjoyable. So if you've been doing this job for less than 2 years than give yourself a break. On the other hand, you've been going through this for years and years, maybe reevaluate your career?
Myst

[Fizzyo]