This is me.. Advice/Guidance needed.

Hello,
My name is Jared and i'm an 18 year old male. I'm here today to share the jist of my life and how im feeling today, in hope of getting some help and advice.
Throughout the earlier parts of my life i lived with my mom, father, and younger two sisters. We moved houses a lot, i believe by the time i was 7 we had moved three times. I never really got along with any of my siblings or father, but was always pretty close to my mom. Life with my family was and still is dysfunctional. Always some sort of fight happening between somebody.
I went to school like any other kid my age. I never had any problems making friends in my elementary stage of schooling. But as time would go on i would fight and lose friends because more often than not my friends would tease, belittle, and sometimes physically hurt me. My first year of highschool, in grade 8, i lost all my friends from elementary school simply because we all just stopped talking as much. I was skipping class 3-4 days out of the year, and by the end of that year i had missed over 50-60 days to school and surrounded myself around "friends" that really weren't all that great for me.
At the end of grade 8 we moved from the Greater Vancouver area out to the oilsands of Alberta. Having to start all over socially was intimidating for me, but i eventually made some great friends, actually enjoyed waking up and going to school, and felt like i was doing something right with my life. That was sort lived, after 6 months my dad lost the job he'd been offered and we moved back to the Lower Mainland, where i live now.
Having to restart socially all over again really took a toll on me, because i never made new friends for a year and a half at my new highschool. My grades started tanking again and i was pretty much feeling like i did back in Grade 8. At the end of Grade 10 i finally opened up to a girl i made in one of my classes who had been struggling a lot in her personal life. The more we spoke the more i found out about her depression, family, and relationships the closer we got. It got to the point where i trusted her enough to tell her i was gay. She was the first person i told, and after i told her it spread like wildfire and everybody knew by the time grade 11 started.
I just want to say that i never had a problem with people knowing i was gay. I just never really felt the need to tell anybody. I was and am not affected if people know/don't know or like/dislike if i'm gay. It's just not something that was ever a big deal to me.
That summer before Grade 11, i met another guy at my school who had recently came out and really got to know him. I really liked him because he was the first gay man i could relate to. I eventuallt developped a crush on him and we flirted non-stop. I asked him out and he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. A week later he started dating his bestfriend who came out before me but after him, and i was devastated and left feeling so hurt that i spent the rest of summer feeling disgusted with myself to even of gotten that personal with somebody.
So when Grade 11 started i made a lot of friends because i felt comfortable enough to open up to people, but i never really made a close friend because i didn't want to relive the way i felt after being played on. I still felt like i was missing something though, and the thought that i'd move of city always bothered me. The girl friend i came out to was taking a co-op class and one day after school i saw her talking to the teacher. Almost instantly i fell in lust with the teacher, lets call him David. I was obssessed with David. I'd get people to take pictures of him for me. There was just something aboust him that i deeply admired.
Grade 12 came and out of lust i decided to take his History class. And for that whole semester it was the ONLY thing i looked forward to. The way he taught, looked, the way he laughed, spoke, and interacted with people. I was obssessed (understatement.) I started tanking all my classes except his barely scraping through the semester. I would go to sleep early, and sleep through weekends so i could spend that hour watching him teach. Eventually the end of the first semester came and i felt like my world was ending. I spent months in his class but never really made an impression. So i wrote him a e-mail thanking him for the semester and how he gave me something to look forward to, but never heard back.
So i made the last second decision to take peer tutoring for my second semester of my senior year. I sent him an e-mail asking him if i could tutor his Grade 11 Co-op class and he allowed me to. Here i met some of the nicest kids and i group of guys who are currently my only decent set out friend. I even made my best friend who is now my rock. I did the same as the first semester, slept through every day, skipped class, nearly failed every class, faught with most of my friends.
I made it to the end of the school year and then our grad/dinner dance. I still had a crush on David and having scrapped through my senior year i was freaking out what i was going to do with my future. I had my Grad dinner and dance, looking back i think the only reason i went was to get a picture with David and to have him sign my yearbook.
A week after the dinner is when i got hit with my first real slump. I had nothing to look forward to. I had made David the only priority in my life and left myself with nothing. I sent him a message over facebook asking if i could meet with him and talk. Originally i planned on telling him about my feelings for him, so i could move on and feel better. We met up but there wasn't much talking from my part. We did this three times and everytime i left him i felt more and more disgusted of myself. I started stalking him, driving and walking around his neighborhood trying to figure out a way i could "coincidentaly" bump into him. I eventually wrote him a letter explaining that i was freaking out about my future, and told him there was somebody i think i might love but was too afraid because i knew they wouldn't like me back. He wrote back and told me to let things happen naturally and not to freak out so much, and take a chance on that somebody i thought i loved.
That summer was the worst summer of my life. Everyday i would wake up and go to work at the dollarstore for a manager who treated me like a peasant, and i would keep telling myself i was going to kill myself after commencement (when you get your diploma and walk across stage(my school always held it after summer break for whatever reason))
Commencement came and i saw all the people i had became friends with and all i could think about was how i wasted my senior year and wasn't going anywhere with my life. After the ceremony everybody was taking pictures with their parents, talking, etc. And i just lost it. I was filled with so much anger i walked straight out to my car and tried to drive home. I made it maybe 4 parking stalls before i re-parked and started balling my eyes out for a hood half hour. Then i saw David getting i his car right next to mine and i decided it was time to go home. i felt nothing, or maybe just extreme silent rage. I ran through two red lights hoping i would get hit and die, but i never got hit. I don't remember what happened the rest of that night.
After a couple months of working at the dollarstore, coming home feeling like trash every day. I finally decided to find another job. I did got hired at costco, and quit after the first day because i couldn't bring myself to pretend to be happy when i wasn't. That month i spent blowing all my savings on things i didnt need and a whole bunch of food. I wrote David and told him i tried to kill myself. He wrote back but i never opened the letter. I eventually got a job working overnights for wal mart which wasn't horrible, but still pretty taxing on my body and mind.
That's when i went to my doctor and was diagnosed with depression and possible bipolar disorder, and started taking medication.
Christmas season came along and i went to see David and give him a christmas present i bought with the first paycheck i'd gotten after getting my new job. at that point i was started to feel better up until the day after i gave him his gift i tried to kill myself again, i wrote a note, and went 5 different stores and bought muscle relaxers and tylenol and took them all. woke up puking with a puddle of puke everywhere on my bed. the next morning i cleaned my sheets and nobody knows about it, to this day, except for you reading this.
After that attempt it was a lot of drug abuse. Anything i could really get my hands on pot, booze, tylenol, gravol, anything that would have me in my room unable to leave. That's around the time i started speaking with my friend i peer-tutored the previous year and he unknowingly helped me get my crap together. He would force me to get out of the house and convinced me to apply for university.
After applying to university i took a few classes to get me back into the groove of things. Which never happened, i dropped the courses 2 weeks after they started. Never told my mom i dropped the classes. I would leave the house around the time i was expected to be at school and go out and smoke pot or hang out with my friend, who thought i was in school too. Feeling fed up with myself i tried to kill myself again on april 1st, i took 15 tylenol #3, 10 cymbalta(all i had left at the time), 20-30 gravol and washed it down with vodka. my dad ended up walking in on me when i had my first allergic reaction to the codeine in the tylenol. Played it off to everybody that it was just a mistake that i was just taking a couple tylenol for back pain from work.
I started working out again, picking up double shifts at work, blowing money for a solid month. until about almost three weeks ago i bought a brand new car. 23 hours and 53 minutes later i drove it into a cinder block on the side of the road, totalling the car, giving me a concussion, and almost killing my best friend who was in the car too at the time.
So i'm here now, trying to get back into working at walmart but i've tried and my neck and back is completely screwed up. I'm depressed, thinking about attempting again. Wanting to tell David how i still feel and that i love him, despite knowing he has a wife. But really i can;t even kill myself right. I've tried calling a crisis line, therapy, medication, and nothings working. I feel like i'm getting worse and worse everyday. I know people are going to say i'm young and have so much to live for, but to be honest i simply don't want to live. I can't keep friends, i have no goals, i can't save money, now i can't work. So what's the point? what's the point of living if i'm enjoying it less and less everyday i'm here?

Hello JaredCS: Welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I've made a few suicide attempts too. A couple of them were serious & landed me in the psych wards of two different hospitals. One, in retrospect, was sort-of awkwardly laughable, in an odd sort of way, in retrospect. But I can relate to some of the experiences you describe. I've also self-harmed in the past. I'm an older person now. Pretty-much everything is behind me now. My challenge is simply to be able to accept that things have turned out the way they have. I don't have any convenient answers for you here. I won't tell you you're young & have so much to live for. But I hope that being here on PC can be of some help to you as you try to figure out where to go from here.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Dear JaredCS:
Skeezyks is right, you've been dealing with a lot of difficult stuff. Having made an attempt also, this might be encouraging. My attempt landing me in the hospital ER (2 operations, intensive care, etc.) Not good to added the stresser of intense pain on top of everthing else. After months and months in pain, I thought it was permanent. However, after about 13 months, it became less acute (so don't give up hope about the neck and back pain you've created). Consider applying for disability and using the money for physical rehab, mental health therapy, etc. You're young, you still might meet someone you can love. I don't know if your back pain allows you to walk, but one of the ways I put my depression into remission is by walking every day. I had to build up slowly but now I walk 4.5 miles a day. Hot weather, rain, etc., I never miss a daily walk. I stopped drinking (it's a depressant). I also noticed that when my depression lifted, the chronic pain I currently have seems more bearable. I'm now doing some part time work and hoping/looking for something better. It can happen to you and a young body like yours can probably heal better than my older body.
Sincerely, Myst