[WagnerL88]

So I have dealt with depression for years. It started when I was about 10 years old I would say. I'm almost 30 now. I have very intense emotions and am an incredibly empathetic person. Normally I can go months without feelings of depression, but about three months ago I had what I guess you could call a 'mental break.

Anxiety crippled me to the point that I had to quit my job, I couldn't leave my house at all really. I stopped talk to people. I was convinced I was going to die is some tragic way. I cried almost constantly. I had never experienced anything like that before.

Since, I have gotten better as far as anxiety goes. I have a new job that I love, I don't cry every day, I am not constantly freaking out. But there is this awful depression lingering over me now. It's not like depression I have experienced before. I feel very out of it all the time. Kind of disconnected. Like I'm not really here. It's strange because it turns off when I am working, and I am stressed at home. It's the opposite of what it used to be. Maybe it's because I've been cloistered in my home for months and I'm mentally rejecting it.

But in that right, I don't have the desire to do anything while I'm home. I used o love live music, going to eat with my boyfriend, seeing friends, but now even the thought is enough to make me panic.

I just feel awful. I'm scared most of the time, and it's hard for me to find joy in anything. I think about death a lot. Not in ways that I would do it, it's just a persistent, nagging thought. Like my brain is tricking me into thinking about it.

I know this is long winded, but I needed to vent. It'd hard to describe and even harder to suffer through.

I just need someone to talk to.

[Skeezyks]

Hello WagnerL88: I'm sorry you are struggling. The Skeezyks also struggles with a lot of generalized depression, fear & anxiety. I'm an older person though. And, as time has gone by, I have become pretty-much completely solitary. I simply prefer to keep to myself as much as possible.

I do think this kind of thing can become a habit. Perhaps, in some way, being at home has become a trigger for your depression, fear & anxiety... just a thought... Anyway, I'm glad you at least have found a job you love. That is a big plus! I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to achieve deep peace throughout your life...

Have you spoken with a primary care physician, therapist or psychiatrist about your symptoms? As long as you use a healthcare professional (not your company's employee assistance program), you should be covered by HIPAA (your employer doesn't need to know). It's good you're thinking about and trying to describe what you're feeling. Hope things improve but don't be afraid to ask for help if they don't. Good luck with your new job!
-Myst

[WagnerL88]

My therapist is all about mindfulness and thinks it will change the world. I think I may need a change.

[Ceridwen18]

I'm glad the anxiety has abated. Are you on meds for depression? Sounds like a change of T could be good, too.
Hugs

[Passioncompassion]

i feel you....
I am the same when I am home , dont feel like getting off the couch or do anything. and when I go out w Girlfriend most of the time I wana come home, bc it s too much to take, it feels like.

I hope you feel better Now, we ll post if anything comes up.
(my therapy sessions help sometimes, but it s shor lived. but I can t give that up, bc they say its the best thing for depression.
tx
GL

[WagnerL88]

Originally Posted by Ceridwen18

I'm glad the anxiety has abated. Are you on meds for depression? Sounds like a change of T could be good, too.
Hugs

I'm not on medication because honestly it terrifies me. I took Prozac and lexapro when I was younger and I hated the way it made me feel. I'm not a big fan of anything that alters the mind. Although it may be necessary at this point.

[Ceridwen18]

It's worth considering. It's an awful process to go through sometimes, finding the right one, but what a difference it can make! I don't think I could have come as far as I have without the combination of meds and therapy, and I was lucky enough to find the right meds on the second try. How are you feeling today?

[Fuzzybear]

[WagnerL88]

Originally Posted by Ceridwen18

It's worth considering. It's an awful process to go through sometimes, finding the right one, but what a difference it can make! I don't think I could have come as far as I have without the combination of meds and therapy, and I was lucky enough to find the right meds on the second try. How are you feeling today?

Very lonely. I wish I had someone to hang out with. It's this weird catch 22. Even if I had someone, I doubt I would want to do anything.

[Ceridwen18]

I'm sorry to hear you are lonely. Sometimes just hanging out, not doing anything, just having that quiet companionship is very comforting. I hope PC is helping. People here, including me, are thinking of you. Hugs

[Aussie sheepdaze]

Originally Posted by WagnerL88

My therapist is all about mindfulness and thinks it will change the world. I think I may need a change.

I ditched my therapist for the same obsession re. mindfulness .. can't pull a switch on for practising mindfulness when in a full blown 'episode' .. just frozen with fear, despair and horror.

[feeshee]

Originally Posted by WagnerL88

So I have dealt with depression for years. It started when I was about 10 years old I would say. I'm almost 30 now. I have very intense emotions and am an incredibly empathetic person. Normally I can go months without feelings of depression, but about three months ago I had what I guess you could call a 'mental break.

Anxiety crippled me to the point that I had to quit my job, I couldn't leave my house at all really. I stopped talk to people. I was convinced I was going to die is some tragic way. I cried almost constantly. I had never experienced anything like that before.

Since, I have gotten better as far as anxiety goes. I have a new job that I love, I don't cry every day, I am not constantly freaking out. But there is this awful depression lingering over me now. It's not like depression I have experienced before. I feel very out of it all the time. Kind of disconnected. Like I'm not really here. It's strange because it turns off when I am working, and I am stressed at home. It's the opposite of what it used to be. Maybe it's because I've been cloistered in my home for months and I'm mentally rejecting it.

But in that right, I don't have the desire to do anything while I'm home. I used o love live music, going to eat with my boyfriend, seeing friends, but now even the thought is enough to make me panic.

I just feel awful. I'm scared most of the time, and it's hard for me to find joy in anything. I think about death a lot. Not in ways that I would do it, it's just a persistent, nagging thought. Like my brain is tricking me into thinking about it.

I know this is long winded, but I needed to vent. It'd hard to describe and even harder to suffer through.

I just need someone to talk to.

Hope you are feeling better.