[so_punk_rock]

I've been having intense suicidal thoughts today. I tried to go seek treatment this morning but because of my lack of health insurance it's hard to find. I've been given "temporary insurance" which is basically no insurance. I'm so tired. Exhausted of dealing with severe anxiety and depression. I should start taking my meds. I had been worried about taking them because I drink a lot. I'm not sure how healthy the combination would be. I feel like I might want to leave this world. This is probably the worst I have ever felt in my life. Should I call 911 if I feel tempted? Would that even matter? I'm sure no one would hospitalize me anyways. Can somebody help me 'cuz it's getting harder and harder to breath.

If you are tempted and think you will act on those thoughts then you need to reach out to someone. If at immediate risk yes 911 is the way forward. If you think talking to someone might help get you through you can try a suicide hotline, some people find those really helpful. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe. Your life is important

[so_punk_rock]

That will be hard because I have anxiety when it comes to talking on the phone. I'll try my best though to keep myself safe. I'm slightly calmer but if I feel closer to the edge again I'll take your advice. I find myself staying logged in for hours at a time because being on this site is very helpful and comforting. I'm pretty fragile and lonely right now. Thanks so much, I really need the support.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by so_punk_rock

That will be hard because I have anxiety when it comes to talking on the phone. I'll try my best though to keep myself safe. I'm slightly calmer but if I feel closer to the edge again I'll take your advice. I find myself staying logged in for hours at a time because being on this site is very helpful and comforting. I'm pretty fragile and lonely right now. Thanks so much, I really need the support.

Dear so_punk_rock:
I'm glad your at this site occupying your mind with something. I agree with everything HalloweenSkye said.
I made an attempt last year. (I had no insurance and both my spouse and I were unemployed). I now know I was irrational in some ways. I don't want you to go down the road I did. Please reply and let us know you're feeling at least as rational as your 1:14 PM post.
When I first admitted I had suicidal thoughts, I was working and was able to get medication. I did not admit to the doctor that I was also drinking but the medication did stop the suicidal thoughts. And I was still drinking. And I made my attempt about 30 days after discontinuing my meds. I could have gone back to the doctor out of pocket to update my prescriptions but I thought I could handle it. I couldn't. I was still drinking.
In retrospect, I deeply regret my attempt. I sincerely hope it doesn't happen to you. Sometimes I still feel fragile. I still get anxiety, sadness and panic attacks but am happy to be alive. When I made my attempt, I was extremely lonely like you. But our depression fuels part of our loneliness. It's chemical and it's the awful stressers that life throws our way. If you hang on. It might get better.
Saving money by not treating my depression was a terrible decision. We want you to get better. Please hang in there.
Sincerely, Myst

Originally Posted by so_punk_rock

That will be hard because I have anxiety when it comes to talking on the phone. I'll try my best though to keep myself safe. I'm slightly calmer but if I feel closer to the edge again I'll take your advice. I find myself staying logged in for hours at a time because being on this site is very helpful and comforting. I'm pretty fragile and lonely right now. Thanks so much, I really need the support.

Yeah I can understand that, I have never called a hotline either despite being encouraged to several times. I think there are some online ones although I'm not sure what the links are. Might be worth googling, unless someone here knows of any!

I really hope you begin to feel a bit better soon.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by HalloweenSkye

Yeah I can understand that, I have never called a hotline either despite being encouraged to several times. I think there are some online ones although I'm not sure what the links are. Might be worth googling, unless someone here knows of any!

I really hope you begin to feel a bit better soon.

Just because I have called them many times in my lifetime and I think they're really the best, try the Samaritans in NYC unless there's a chapter closer to you. :hug;

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Just because I have called them many times in my lifetime and I think they're really the best, try the Samaritans in NYC unless there's a chapter closer to you. :hug;

Oh, sorry, the one I suggested is for phone conversations. I don't know of any that you can just text with, other than "7 cups of tea".

[so_punk_rock]

It's SO hard. I have never felt this low and this anxious in my life. I can't take this. Maybe I should tell my mom how I feel. I usually don't express my deep emotions to my family but right now I am desperate and maybe they can help me. I'll take any help I can get.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by so_punk_rock

It's SO hard. I have never felt this low and this anxious in my life. I can't take this. Maybe I should tell my mom how I feel. I usually don't express my deep emotions to my family but right now I am desperate and maybe they can help me. I'll take any help I can get.

Have you tried to calm yourself with chamomile tea, or other calming teas? Can you take a warm bubble bath? Try to sleep? These are just suggestions. Oh, you could try baking a cake or brownies. Or a loaf of bread (that can be habit forming, though, lol). These are all ways to help yourself and be mindful while you're suffering, and it helps you to refocus your mind.

Originally Posted by so_punk_rock

It's SO hard. I have never felt this low and this anxious in my life. I can't take this. Maybe I should tell my mom how I feel. I usually don't express my deep emotions to my family but right now I am desperate and maybe they can help me. I'll take any help I can get.

I think it would be good to try to talk to your mom.