Work is making me extremely depressed

I have just taken leave from work and it's now 11.30pm, and I have to get up in 8 hours to go back. I am having a huge amount of anxiety, and have been depressed all day, because I hate my job so much. I am about to work days straight, and I have to be alone for half the day, dealing with ****** customers who seem to neglect to care that I am actually a person, staff not listening to me when I say I want to be left alone on my few days off, and working so much that I'm too exhausted to do anything when I get home. I've been having health problems because my stress for my job is so high. I wish I could enjoy it, but I'm still awake because I know the sooner I go to sleep the sooner I have to go to that place.

I keep being told to find a new job, but it's really just not that easy. If I could just find a new job I'd have one by now. I earn 45.5k a year, have a number of expenses and pre-approval on home loan, I would be giving up a lot to just leave. But at the same time my job makes me so depressed that I have attempted suicide at the beginning of the year, a few days before I had to go back to work (it was a snowball of things but the stress of going back to work was the real fuel to it). I literally ended up in hospital, slept 16 hours because of what I overdosed on was still in my system, then a day later went back to do a 7 day week at work having to pretend I was perfectly fine. It's been 6 months and what I did still haunts me.

I really just don't know what to do, there is no easy answer to my situation. One of my health problems has similar symptoms to cancer (though I'm sure it's not), and the concept of it has actually been exciting to me because it means I'd HAVE to end up leaving my job. That is a really terrible frame of mind I know.

Anyway I just really needed to vent because this has been plaguing my mind all day and I can only stay awake so long...

I am having work problems as well. I want to quit because I feel incompetent, or I can wait to be fired because I'm incompetent. I don't know where turn.

I hate my job too, only thing is that I have to leave. I'm not being fired but because of personal issues I have to find another one and can't keep this one any longer than the end of this week.
I'm going to be honest, I've had cancer; stage 3b melanoma in my neck. I looked like a golf ball had grown where my lymph node should've been. It sucked to say the least, I felt like **** no matter how much sleep I got (which went from 4 hours a night to at least 13 if not more). I ran out of energy putting my pants on in the morning. I would fall asleep in the shower. My head would fall on my desk five minutes into class. It was my senior year of high school so it really sucked. Anyway, if that's what's going on with you and you need to talk to someone, I'm here.
To be honest, according to certain symptoms going on with me presently, it looks like my cancer might've relapsed and might be in the spinal column in my neck. The saddest part is, if it has, that means I don't have to worry about anything else anymore. It is a messed up way to think, but it isn't at the same time. If you think about it, mental illness is full of questions and no real ending or cure in sight. Cancer does. You'll either recover or die; either way there's an end to the suffering. Not to mention, when you get diagnosed, you also get a step-by-step plan on how to take care of it. Mental illness and life in general never gets that cut and dry. Dying is somewhat liberating to that affect.
Both in health and stress I really hope you get better, though. I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone. Keep me updated.

As far as the work situation, been there more than once. I know it sounds trite but the first time I found myself in an unbearable work situation, a number of smart people told me to just find another job. I said all the same things as you have - try to make it better, find a solution, responsibilities, loan payments etc and so I stayed in that job for 2 years longer than I should have. They were looking for a reason to fire me but I'm a good worker and they couldn't find a reason in all that time so they decided to make my life hell instead. Eventually it made me so sick that I had a breakdown which forced me to leave. After a period of recovery and being out of the workforce altogether, I found a better job. The second time I found myself in a similar situation, after 6 years in a great job, I became the target of a manipulative psychopath I took it for 6 months then started thinking about what those smart people had said so I started applying for other jobs and after about 6 months I got one - a better one. This one lasted for 7.5 years until a change of management. This time I saw the writing on the wall, as the workload increased and the verbal and mental abuse started. As soon as I realised that the smart people had been right at the beginning, I started looking for work and it took me 3 months.

This is going to sound harsh but I mean what I say in the kindest possible way: They don't give a rat's bum about your MI. They don't care if you shuffle off this mortal coil. They will replace you with another drone and they will never feel ashamed or guilty or responsible for what happens to you.

Trust me as someone who has survived your situation and learned from it. Stop putting in more energy into your job than you absolutely have to and use the energy you would normally use for work, to find another job. Even if you have to take a small pay cut - make it work. Even a new, unknown workplace can be scary and as my experience shows, workplaces can be great for years but a change of ownership, management or even the introduction of one toxic individual who has the power to change the workplace culture and give voice to the incompetent and hateful, can make your life hell overnight. It is not worth the fight or the effort. Ad your fight and effort will hurt you and benefit nothing. Please for your own sake, look for another job and walk away - I am living proof that after a few months you will feel like a different person.

You are in my thoughts and I really hope that you make the decision and be determined. Please post and let us know how you are doing.