[RJ42]

I, like many others, go through each day just surviving. Because of everything I've been through, I never learned how to live. I feel numb and detached from people. I had to give so much growing up to protect my brothers and my mother from my monstrous father. I even had to risk my life four times to stop him. I went into the Army two days after I graduated highschool and served to protect everyone's freedoms. After I got out, I tried to have a family. I gave everything I had for my daughters. In 2001 my great grandmother died. Two days after, my 2nd wife told me she wanted a divorce. In 2002, my 2nd wife had her attorney schedule the divorce hearing on my birthday. She took my daughters, along with everything else. I always did my best by my daughters and since 2010, I have not seen nor been able to talk to my daughters because their mother doesn't know how to say nice things. I've always worked hard and been kind to people. I have been disabled since 2003, and not being able to work bothers me. All the volunteer work around me is physical, so that is not an option. I try to help people because it's all I know. I've tried to date, but being I'm disabled and can't work, I'm labled as lazy as well as ugly and other things. I'm trying to put myself first, but it's difficult because sacrificing for others is so ingrained in me. So, I just survive each day. I've never had a woman treat me in a way that shows I matter. It is always what I give or do. I feel like a tool people use and then discard. I've been told I'm too kind. Part of me is starting to wonder if things would change if I was unkind. I am very hurt and confused.

[Fuzzybear]

Thing could Change if you were Unkind.

But not for the better.

It's preferable to be "inadequate" in their sick and deluded minds than stoop to their "level" .... Stay away. Don't go near those abusers

[Fuzzybear]

PS you do matter... And there are some good people in this ****ed up world. Sometimes, it's not easy to find them

[Skeezyks]

[MtnTime2896]

I recently have been unable to work, due to psychiatric disability. Even before that, I could no longer work at jobs I'd grown accustomed to. I didn't serve my country (though I was on delayed deployment after high school). I was diagnosed with cancer and since then my dominate arm has a lot of difficulty to use, but it's gotten better, I just can't lift like I used to and such. Took me forever to even be able to type. On top of that, I have a huge scar that extends from the left base of my neck to the side of my face at my ear, and also has a branch into the front of my neck at my throat. I thought I had self-esteem issues before, haha. Anyway, I whole heartedly believe that I'm ugly as hell. I also believe that I'm lazy because I can't work. Others have started feeling the same about it. I still have a couple friends and my fiance who disagree, but that doesn't make me feel like any less of a burden. I had a semi-similar upbringing. I know what it's like to have the need to help and put others before myself. I also know that many people out there will take advantage of that, every time. There are good people out there, though. People that will understand. It takes some searching and patience, but please don't settle with someone that will hurt you again. Don't settle because they need help. You can't save everyone, especially those who don't want saving. They'll use you and lose you.
You deserve better and you've sacrificed too much as it is. You can still be kind but protect yourself, at the same time. It's time to care about you.

[Fuzzybear]

This is a profoundly insightful post. I'm so sorry you've endured so much pain. You do not and never did, deserve it

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I recently have been unable to work, due to psychiatric disability. Even before that, I could no longer work at jobs I'd grown accustomed to. I didn't serve my country (though I was on delayed deployment after high school). I was diagnosed with cancer and since then my dominate arm has a lot of difficulty to use, but it's gotten better, I just can't lift like I used to and such. Took me forever to even be able to type. On top of that, I have a huge scar that extends from the left base of my neck to the side of my face at my ear, and also has a branch into the front of my neck at my throat. I thought I had self-esteem issues before, haha. Anyway, I whole heartedly believe that I'm ugly as hell. I also believe that I'm lazy because I can't work. Others have started feeling the same about it. I still have a couple friends and my fiance who disagree, but that doesn't make me feel like any less of a burden. I had a semi-similar upbringing. I know what it's like to have the need to help and put others before myself. I also know that many people out there will take advantage of that, every time. There are good people out there, though. People that will understand. It takes some searching and patience, but please don't settle with someone that will hurt you again. Don't settle because they need help. You can't save everyone, especially those who don't want saving. They'll use you and lose you.
You deserve better and you've sacrificed too much as it is. You can still be kind but protect yourself, at the same time. It's time to care about you.

[RJ42]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I recently have been unable to work, due to psychiatric disability. Even before that, I could no longer work at jobs I'd grown accustomed to. I didn't serve my country (though I was on delayed deployment after high school). I was diagnosed with cancer and since then my dominate arm has a lot of difficulty to use, but it's gotten better, I just can't lift like I used to and such. Took me forever to even be able to type. On top of that, I have a huge scar that extends from the left base of my neck to the side of my face at my ear, and also has a branch into the front of my neck at my throat. I thought I had self-esteem issues before, haha. Anyway, I whole heartedly believe that I'm ugly as hell. I also believe that I'm lazy because I can't work. Others have started feeling the same about it. I still have a couple friends and my fiance who disagree, but that doesn't make me feel like any less of a burden. I had a semi-similar upbringing. I know what it's like to have the need to help and put others before myself. I also know that many people out there will take advantage of that, every time. There are good people out there, though. People that will understand. It takes some searching and patience, but please don't settle with someone that will hurt you again. Don't settle because they need help. You can't save everyone, especially those who don't want saving. They'll use you and lose you.
You deserve better and you've sacrificed too much as it is. You can still be kind but protect yourself, at the same time. It's time to care about you.

I am sorry you have been through so much as well. It is odd we decent caring people suffer so much. I appreciate your taking time to reply. I have had a bit of progress with protecting myself. It is not an easy feat.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by RJ42

I am sorry you have been through so much as well. It is odd we decent caring people suffer so much. I appreciate your taking time to reply. I have had a bit of progress with protecting myself. It is not an easy feat.

It's not, but it'll pan out for us in the long run, I think. I sorry that you've been through what you have. I think that you've sacrificed so much and deserved to finally have someone who helps you. It's your turn to be taken care of, and I don't mean that in any insulting manner. Haha, my uncle used to hate it when I'd say that to him; he was SEAL and he never really left the fight, let alone the mindset. Anyway, go easy on yourself. I'm always here if you need to talk.

[RJ42]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

It's not, but it'll pan out for us in the long run, I think. I sorry that you've been through what you have. I think that you've sacrificed so much and deserved to finally have someone who helps you. It's your turn to be taken care of, and I don't mean that in any insulting manner. Haha, my uncle used to hate it when I'd say that to him; he was SEAL and he never really left the fight, let alone the mindset. Anyway, go easy on yourself. I'm always here if you need to talk.

I thank you for your family's sacrifice. I agree with you about things panning out. In my eyes we who give, and suffer, are far stronger people. The only thing I've ever wanted was to be cared about. I don't understand how people value money, possessions, and so many other things over that one thing.

[MickeyCheeky]

You matter. Other people just don't see it.. but you matter The only thing I can say is.. be kind to everyone, but most important, be kind to YOURSELF

<RJ42>



I have always believed that many men want to be a night in shining armor. Having served, I found this mindset to be much more prevalent in the military than it is in civilian life. I hope that someday you will find someone who appreciates your kindness.

[RJ42]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

You matter. Other people just don't see it.. but you matter The only thing I can say is.. be kind to everyone, but most important, be kind to YOURSELF

I'm trying to, but it is going to take a lot. I feel tired and worn out. I realized a bit late that I used so much energy helping others. I've had some family member's tell me I'm too prideful and stubborn to ask for help. I don't talk to them much because they don't understand that it's not pride or being stubborn, it's self worth and I feel selfish if I ask for anything. For too long I've believed that my purpose is to help others. Now that I see helping others doesn't make me happy and only gets me used, I'm stuck wondering what my purpose really is. Being alone stinks, but not understanding why I am here makes it worse.

[RJ42]

Originally Posted by Mysterious153

<RJ42>



I have always believed that many men want to be a night in shining armor. Having served, I found this mindset to be much more prevalent in the military than it is in civilian life. I hope that someday you will find someone who appreciates your kindness.

Your explanation makes sense and in a way I think it's true. I hope I find someone who appreciates me too. I've done most everything by myself through life. It does get old.