Struggling

I've been going through this depression for over a month, I'm getting tired of fighting it. I just want to give up and end things. My psych is urging me to go inpatient and has told me that if I don't do it she will most likely have me put in the hospital next time I see her. I just don't want to go to the hospital, I just want this over with.

It's a pretty final decision. Do you have any hope that it might get better?

I'm really sorry about your situation

No I don't.

Is there anything in your life that you can fix (within any duration of what time it would take to accomplish the task)?

Are you afraid you will actually kill yourself if you don't go inpatient? If you can stay safe, what about additional appointments with a therapist. Do you drink alcohol? Alcohol makes our depression and mood swings worse. Are you drinking too much coffee? Coffee can increase our anxiety. Are you eating heathy foods? Foods high in omega 3s like salmon can help; processed foods (especially sugar) make us worse. I am only listing some of these things because if it was me--I would not want to go inpatient. But of course, do it if it is necessary to stay safe.

I don't know if I can fix my life. I've been thinking about ending things, it doesn't scare me, I look at it as finally not hurting. I do drink a lot of coffee so that could be making it worse. I don't have the healthiest diet.

If it really doesn't scare you; I think your psych is right. That is a very bad sign. Call him today (he may be hard to reach over the weekend). Go to ER if the urge gets to strong! It is serious!

What do you mean you want it to be over with, the depression? Don't give up. Depression is a hard disease to fight but not impossible. I've suffered with it for years. Fall is especially hard. Have you been hospitalized before? If you trust your psych then listen to her. There is relief.

I have been hospitalized many times and not wanting to go that route again. I trust my psych but I would rather deal with this my way however it may be. I just don't see the point in continuing on.

[COLOR="rgb(112, 128, 144)"][/COLOR]whats your way? What's worked for you in the past?

My way right now is to just give up. I want to fall asleep and never wake up.

I get your situation. I was told I needed to be hospitalized again not too long ago. I didn't want to and the truth is, I never went. I found a way for myself to keep going. I have a fiance, a little brother, my best friend, my sister, my older brother and my mom I could never put through that. Even then, thinking about that wasn't enough. So, what do I do? I fix things. I change up the house, I fix the broken sink I've always hated, I remodel when I get the money, I change my diet, I change my daily routine up a bit; I fix things I no longer like. It makes me feel like I've accomplished something, but it's also one more reason for me to keep going. I can't kill myself if that wallpaper hasn't been put up, yet. I can't end it until I'm finished writing that new song I've been working on. Death doesn't scare me in the slightest, other than what it will do to the living; and for that reason, I trek on; whether I like it or not.

I'm still trying to take it one hour at a time and not think of the future.

Sometimes that's all we can do. If you like comedy, maybe during one of those hours you can watch something that might make you laugh, or at least smile.
If you need to talk to someone, or just vent; I'm here (message or forum, really doesn't matter to me). I don't mind staying with you hour to hour.