Shutting down

I find myself asking a question. Is it wrong to not want to talk to people any more because you're sick of drama and B.S. ?
I'm growing very weary of dealing with people wanting to use me as a frickin venting post and when I need an ear it's never there. I swear, being kind only puts a bullseye on my back with a sign that says "Use then ditch me." I'm starting to get really P.O.'d.

People should stop trying to use one another as unpaid therapists. This would resolve a lot of problems.

It's not wrong. I have very few friends I actually see, at this point. I hang out with the ones who are there for me the same as I'm there for them. The other ones....I have so much do deal with on my own, dealing with just me. If I can't expect to be able to get things out around certain people, why the hell should I be their venting post? I care about them, but the truth is I don't think they even need my help. There are ones that do, and I will be there for them every single time but these guys. I don't want to hear about how your boyfriend doesn't put the seat down. I don't care if he plays video games all of the time. You want to vent about that, sure go ahead but you've vented to twelve different people, posted it on social media and have told me for the second time that day (and you don't seem to remember that you did). What happens next week when I have a breakdown and don't know what real and what's a flashback; they sure as hell aren't there. I text or call that I need some help and I get a "I'm sorry I'm busy." or an "I'm sorry, I've been drinking." Seriously? And then next week they call, not to check up on me, they go straight into the venting about how terrible their damn life is.
As you can probably tell, this is a heated topic for me. I hate it and now a lot of "friends" don't like me right now because I started telling them the same **** they say to me. I completely agree with you. As I've told you in a past post, you have to care for yourself; this is part of that. You deserve to be able to talk to someone the same way you listen to others.

I appreciate both of your comments. I'm trying my best to just take care of me. I really miss my military family. We always had each others backs. It would be real nice if people were like that. Thanks again for your comments.

My uncle told me that once when he was talking about his time in Korea and Vietnam; he really missed his guys, missed the comradery. When he was teaching me how to shoot, I remember him saying he felt like it was 'back in the day' and he smiled real big (it was hard to get him to do that sometimes). I remember telling him that once I was a better shot, I could have his back like he always had mine.

I may not be military, but I'd be honored to have your back any day of the week. Any time you need me, I'm here.

It's not wrong.. I've been where you are, being used then ditched. In the end, these people who deliberately do this will not "thrive"

Thanks Fuzzy. Goes both ways So Leigheas. I appreciate people like yourselves. It is good to know there are some good people out there.

@RJ, wow, I have been in the same situation that you are in now to many times! People like that are selfish jerks. They're emotional vampires. I'd try to make some new friends if I were you. Have you heard of meetup.com? It's free to join and I even found support groups on there that are free to join.

You need to set boundaries with those friends. If they keep this up, just straight up tell them nicely but firmly that you aren't happy with the way that they tend to go on and on about the same matters all the time, and yet when you need them to listen to you, they just don't seem to care about what you have to say.

If they end up never talking to you again, then to hell with them. As long as you're firm but nice, any decent person will end up trying to change how they treat you from that point onward. Sometimes people aren't aware of their bad behavior until you point it out to them.

For now, don't give them advice or listen to them. Don't return their calls or emails if they're only asking you for help of some kind. Ignore them. Then they'll know that you're no doormat.

You teach people how to treat you. Set firm boundaries and if they're crossed, remind them of that. Anyone who can't respect those boundaries should be gotten rid of as those kind of people aren't worth dealing with.

Oh, and use I statements instead of saying, why do you never answer my calls? Instead tell them that when they ignore your calls, that you feel like you're not that important to them and that it hurts you since you are always there for them, so you expect the same support back. Good luck with everything!