[debbie_tabor]

All I can do is lie here, with a repeat of Jay Leno on in the background (I can only get Ch7), obsessively reading all the postings. Meanwhile my experiments are being seriously ruined because I couldn't face dealing with them today, and I haven't pursuaded myself to go back this evening. I swear the meds are making me worse - 2 weeks of high dose effexor - or maybe I just haven't been taking them long enough. I guess I should talk to the doctor! The only good thing is that when I get to this stage I zone out of being suicidal. Weird, but good.
Maybe I'll eventually think of something useful to say to someone else on the site. Actually, I did think of some useful things, but now I don't know where the original msgs are! Better start reading through them all again!

[beautifulconfusion]

Hi Debbie,

A deep depression can be so isolating... I'm glad you've been able to stay connected thru the forums. That period while you're waiting to see if a new med is going to be effective is so frustrating! Wish I had some better advice to give on how to deal with it... 225mg of Effexor seems to be keeping the worst of my depression at bay... barely. Probably going to start on some new meds within the next month or so, so I'll be back on that roller coaster soon! Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I can relate!

I hope the Effexor does the trick for you... I know a lot of people swear by it, and it's worked much better for me than anything else I've tried. Whatever happens, be kind to yourself, and remember that you're not always going to feel this way. Best wishes...

[debbie_tabor]

Thank you. Good luck with your roller coaster, let us know how it goes.

[splitimage]

Hi Debbie,

It sucks when we're waiting for meds to kick in & we don't have the energy to do anything. I hope the effexor helps you - it's been a total lifesaver for me. Can you try to do one nice thing for yourself a day - even if it's just going out for coffee. I know when I'm really depressed if I can manage just one thing, it makes me feel better.

--splitimage

[debbie_tabor]

It really sucks waiting for meds to work! I made the mistake of wanting to find out what I felt like off meds. Now I know. I've gone from too tired to work effectively (from previous meds) to too depressed. Shame really because I came here to prove myself as a scientist and I'm failing miserably. It may not have worked out even if I hadn't got depressed - I'm too slow and I have little confidence. It didn't help much working with two people who put me down the whole time - and they weren't always right!

I think I've given up doing nice things for myself. I'm making it into work most days (there are nice people there now), which I congratulate myself on given the amount of effort it takes. Then there's the effort it takes to actually do something while I'm there....

I feel horrible getting in really late or after a day off sick or leaving early. I told the nice new people I'm struggling with depression and they were lovely about it, but I still feel like they're seeing me float in and out of work and thinking what a nice life it must be. I've been hiding from my 8 housemates for 3-4 weeks, hoping the ADs will kick in so I feel a little like being around them again. I have to get a bridesmaids dress for my sisters wedding in November. Fortunately, I have a fellow depressive to come with me and look. I'm not going to disappoint my sister.

I should go through my handouts from the hospital day program last year. I need to start doing nice things for myself, and I can't remember what I thought of back then. I remember being told I should do things before I feel like doing them (like talking to housemates) because the activity helps the depression.

What a waste of a life being miserable the whole time, huh!