Oops

I don't know why I continue to torture myself. I've gone months without feeling down and then in one night, it's like I've made no progress at all.
I've been taking Trintellix since August and I've been doing well, especially considering the situations I've experienced that would normally send me back to the pit (my grandfather passed, I've had multiple financial problems, and I've tried twice to pass an exam to be a medical coder and failed both times). I got through all that and it didn't knock me down.
And then I made a huge mistake... I stopped taking my medicine. It wasn't intentional, I forgot one day and then one turned into 2 and 3 and then before I knew it, it had been a week. And I was still doing okay, until today and now it's like, boom, I'm right back at the bottom again.
You would think that feeling would persuade me to get back on schedule with my medication, but that's not the case. I hate that I have to take medication on a daily basis to just be okay . Forget being happy, that's not possible.
Some people can just be okay or happy and not even try.
It is my fault that I'm back in this place again, and as crazy as it sounds I don't want to take another pill. That being said, I also know that I can't not take the medicine if I want to be okay. That sucks.

Ah man I have been in the same boat so many times now I have lost count. I am terrible at staying on meds. In fact I last stopped mine towards the end of July and still haven't got back on them or tried new ones despite how terribly I'm doing right now. Yes I probably need them, but still can't convince myself that I will take them which in turn makes it hard for a doctor to trust me and prescribe something.

The way I have been told to look at it, which does help to a certain extent, is if you had diabetes or another physical illness and had to take medicine every day for that would you feel ashamed then, would you hate that you had to take it to stay healthy and ok? Depression is no different, just another illness that sometimes need meds to help you through it

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling It's not your fault, mistakes can happen. I'd suggest to try to re-take your meds again..after all, feelink ok is still better than nothing, right? And then maybe you can start working on being happy again..

I know what you mean also. I hate having to take meds every day. Do people actually think we want to take meds for the rest of our lives?
I just keep on taking mine because once when I quit it wasn't too long before I found myself back in the hole again.