Why should I keep going?

I feel like a burden to those around me. The hope for treatment I thought I'd get seems farther away. It was supposed to be this amazing residential program for trauma and I was supposed to go three weeks ago but now they keep pushing it out or saying that I need to be more "stable". My providers here didn't even want me to go for some reason, which I don't understand. Everyday goes by like the last. Go to bed at midnight or later and don't get up until after 4pm. The only time it's different is when I have an appointment. I just feel like I'm letting everyone down and failing. I'm in constant pain physically and emotionally. I'm tired of wasting my life this way but it's all I've done for the past few years. I just don't know what else to do but to check out.

Call the crisis line or go to the ER. There's hope for you. You just need to reach out.

Hello steelcurtain27: I'm sorry you are struggling. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer you here. I don't. (By the way, I've been where you are a couple of times.) I guess all I can say is I hope you can, in some way, find the inner strength to persevere. It must be particularly difficult when the goal posts keep moving further away. If you're feeling suicidal, please do reach out, in real life, for the help you need. And also, keep posting here on PC. It can help too.

Hi steelcurtain

It must be feeling like a real blow that the treatment you might need could be there but you aren't being allowed to access it........yet........I'm sorry
But first of all..........those feelings that you're a burden, letting everyone down and failing.........this/depression is absolutely not your fault, if you had a broken leg you wouldn't beat yourself up for not being able to walk on it, right?!?!
Well with depression, which I'm sure you know, sometimes however badly you want to do something, however much you try, it just isn't going to happen, so sometimes it's just about doing all you can.
And if people could see inside when..........well it can sometimes be an amazing feat of strength to get up, yes?? So there have to be plenty of times when the last thing on earth you are is a burden/failing.........even if it's just about getting up by 4pm..........so I'd say some substitutes for those words should be majorly impressive, outstanding inner strength, inspiring........OK??
And you're still making appointments!!! Which is SO good!!!
Maybe throw it over to your providers as in "Well what are you going to do to help me get more stable to make it into residential??" or "What are you going to do to help me not need to go into residential??". But ultimately push them to do something more.
And you mentioned trauma.........there may be other charities and helplines who could help just a little too............so maybe try for all the help there is out there, if your providers are a little "slow"??
You haven't been wasting your life , it sounds like you've had a natural response to.........and you need help (as I'm guessing anyone would in your situation, whatever that is).............so let us be a part of your support system and add to the amazing strength you already have (as discussed!!), and help you find the direction to get that, hey??



Alison

steel...you must keep going to get to the treatment.
I wish I could go to that kind of treatment.

I am glad you have a life jacket coming soon. Hang in there...if you have to sleep..sleep...when your awake...do things that make you feel better..eat, read...watch TV..post..just don't give up.

Try to get help.. you DESERVE to get better!

I'm so sorry to hear these days are really difficult ones for you. I don't have anything profound to say except you've tried so hard and been so persistent--I hope you don't give up now. I know it's horrifically hard. You're not alone.
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. There is hope even if you don't see it at the moment. Keep trying and keep posting, we're hear to listen and help if we can