[RJ42]

I must be really stupid or just nieve as hell. May of last year, someone I know, came to my door. She was emotionally distraught and begging for help and a place to stay. From May 8, 2016 to now, I have helped her get treatment for alcoholism, driven her to AA meetings, her doctor appointments, given her legal advice, cooked meals, driven her to mental health appointments, babysat her 2 year old, and a whole lot more.
Her father died recently and I was there for her during the funeral, viewing, driving her to the hospital he was in for care for dementia, and even when she needed someone supportive to talk to. I've even done everything I can to be an ear and shoulder to cry on.
She is a kind person but I'm starting to wonder if I'm being used again for the umpteenth time. She is back staying with her exfiance being he got temporary custody of their daughter. He had her arrested in May 2016, for pinning him against the wall. This boy is 37, weighs about 275 and is 6'4". She is 5'6" and weighs about 150. Where is the thinking in going back to a sissy little selfish boy, who rarely interacts with his little girl but thinks he's a good father because he provides for the child? Where is the thinking in going back to a boy that calls the cops for a b.s. reason?
I'm trying to help her and know she's been through a lot, but she only texts when she needs to go somewhere, and nothing else. I don't know whether to be sad, pissed, or just turn into a rhymes with trick and tell her to go to hell.
The REALLY STUPID part....I think I started to feel something for her. Why do I even bother anymore, when crap like this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME. I guess maybe I am pretty stupid thinking being kind and treating people the right way only to get discarded. I feel like I'm a bag of trash that gets thrown out when it's full. It is very difficult to be depressed, lonely, and angry as hell, because you keep allowing yourself to care for people and getting burnt.

[metalchick]

Oh...I know this all too well. I am just a pos who gets used then thrown away as well....but I do believe that maybe these guys truly need us and are messed up just like we are and since we understand and are good hearted people, we get taken advantage of....I am in the same situation now...somewhat...someone I really care for and want to help is turning his back on me...it really hurts and I don’t know what to do....so I hope you know that by helping someone in need is a good deed and she seems messed up and confused and needs someone strong to help her along the way...even if she seems aloof right now...It seems like the ex is a cancer in her life and she only takes it because he has custody of thier child...hope this helps....

[RJ42]

Thanks metalchic. It is unpleasant for people like you and myself to keep going through this. The more people I find in my particular situation, the more I am certain we are cursed. We help others out of kindness and decency, and are shunned. I won't stop helping her but damnit, I'm REALLY tired of the nice person finishes last crap.

[Fuzzybear]

Speculation - it may be that people who throw kind and caring people away are a pos, especially if this is done with cruelty (there ARE kinder ways to end relationships (not everyone can be a soul mate or close friend, I know this is obvious) ....not everybody cares enough to even do this .... I was dumped by a lot of boyfriends when my rash was bad (years ago.. now it's come back ) . Some were kind (comparatively) - some were absolute bastards)

[RJ42]

I'm sorry Fuzzy. That's the saddest part of all this....the never ending cruelty of people. Kind people are like fish, swimming in a see of sharks.

[metalchick]

I am told that I am such a good person with a big heart, but yet there is no one in my life that I can call a friend.. the one person that I really like, has just shunned me out of his life saying his wife will be pissed if she finds out we are friends...wtf...I can't win...

[RJ42]

Sorry to hear that metalchick. I don't understand why people do that. His wife perhaps needs to learn men and women can be friends without any of the other things. Just a thought: perhaps he may be having more than friend feelings or he isn't a nice guy. I don't know him so I can't say for sure. One thing for sure, game playing people aren't cool in my book. I hope it works out for you somehow.

[metalchick]

He told me that many years ago his wife found some emails with another woman...that being said she has been on his *****. So I guess she may think the same about us??? I really like him too as a friend and I am really heartbroken over this...

[RJ42]

It is sad that you are hurt by this. His wife must not be very mature, or have serious insecurity issues. Have you thought about sitting down and talking with them both or is she not a good person to talk to?

[metalchick]

I haven't met her...I guess she would be super pissed if she found out about our friendship...she has already said that it is over between them...but who knows what really happens behind closed doors. I feel like we both need each other since we both have our problems...just really sad about this and I don’t really have any other friends so when I met him I was really happy...should have known this would not have lasted.

[RJ42]

I don't understand why he is worried she would find out when she said it's over between them. I have no driends because I've been used and stabbed in the back so much, so I understand your disappointment, in a way. My best friend is four legged, furry, and purrs.

[metalchick]

Yeah, well he says he loves her more than anything so I guess that's why he is cutting ties with me...he just said something happened and now she is going through his phone and not contact him because she will get pissed...i don't know, I couldn't live that way...but maybe it is just an excuse to be rid of me???

[RJ42]

I honestly don't know. One thing I would consider, he may have cheated on her and that's why she is going postal. Again, I don't know the two people so I can't say for sure. I'm an analytical fellow and try to see every possibility. There are a lot of scenarios here. So, my best advice would be to leave him be. If he is a good friend, he will contact you after this blows over. I know it sucks waiting and wondering, but that is better than dealing with what sounds like a bad situation on his end.