[RJ42]

The past two days have been a new experience in hell. I've slept 4 hours in two days, eaten only once, and I don't think I really care. I sometimes wonder if it's possible to pass away from being so lonely and depressed.

I have lost everything that I have fought for; Almost 7 years and still nothing from my daughter, can't work anymore, never been loved, used repeatedly because people see how badly I want to be accepted for me, my brothers are selfish buttholes, I could go on but what's the point.

I don't know what else to do anymore. I try but can't smile, I find no joy in anything because everything I enjoyed is gone. I keep my feelings buried so they don't destroy anyone but me, so I know I don't push people away. I wish I looked as good as my nature, because I'm tired of being called ugly, unattractive, worthless cripple, I mean what's the big deal, I walk with a cane....so what.
I am old school as hell and the old ways of having values like respect, honesty, chivalry, and faithfulness don't seem to matter anymore. 😢

[RJ42]

Daughters*

[MommaD]

RJ, your posts in response to mine have helped me. I suspect they've helped others too. Please don't give up, even though it's the easiest thing to do right now. There are people who care (even though we're just online, don't we count?)
Eat something, take a hot shower, try to sleep. Remember there are people here who care

[RJ42]

I'm trying MommaD. I've always been better at helping others. Everyone here does count, I just don't understand why I don't matter to people near me. A song that best describes who I am and how I feel is "I am Machine." 3 days grace sings it.

[Fuzzybear]

[JustJace2u]

I know we don't 'know' each other, but I value you. It's easy for me to say that I know, and words can only go so far. I don't have kids myself, but in some ways I can relate because I have a similar relationship with my biological father. I'd like to blame him for everything, just like he's always blamed my mother, but I know it's not all his fault. Sending lots of hugs to you

[Misterpain]

RJ have you ever tried getting involved with a group like a local chapter of Father's rights association or anything like that , my late wife and I were involved years ago and even represented the local chapter on several TV news and talk shows, and no they aren't just for fathers they fight for anyone who is getting the shaft from a former spouse on issues such as custody and access to the children, might be worth your time to find a local group meeting and if nothing else get some support from people going thru it , and people that are getting somewhere and how they are doing it.

[RJ42]

Thank you Just and Fuzzy. I am just tired of fighting and not getting anywhere. I know for a fact what I need to feel whole but know I'll never find it. There's too much ugliness to contend with out there.

[RJ42]

Thanks for the info Misterpain. I'll look.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by RJ42

I sometimes wonder if it's possible to pass away from being so lonely and depressed.

I have heard people can die from being broken-hearted...

Originally Posted by RJ42

I keep my feelings buried so they don't destroy anyone but me...
I am old school as hell and the old ways...don't seem to matter anymore. ��

You and I are not alone, and here is some of the latest undeniable evidence of the reality of today:

After 146 years, the curtain is coming down on "The Greatest Show on Earth." The owner of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus told The Associated Press that the show will close forever in May [of 2017].
...felled by a variety of factors...
"The competitor in many ways is time," said Feld, adding that transporting the show by rail and other circus quirks — such as providing a traveling school for performers' children— are throwbacks to another era. "It's a different model that we can't see how it works in today's world to justify and maintain an affordable ticket price. So you've got all these things working against it."

https://www.apnews.com/020bc7b2f16f4446ade338bcf4a500ed

Every day presents yet another challenge to try to find some way to spend it without falling into what seems like complete nothingness, and each day spent as well as we can means we grow one day closer to the end without losing ourselves along the way.

[MickeyCheeky]

We care about you here. It may not mean much to you, but you mean a lot to us

[RJ42]

Thank you Mickey. You showed some definite proof for us Lee, thank you. I'm glad it's not just me that sees the world going to hell. I wish for rest and peace every day. I'm tired of fighting for nothing.

[Yours_Truly]

(((((RJ42))))) Just wanted to let you know I relate to your tiredness of depression.

[RJ42]

I appreciate it Yours. I'm tired of surviving without ever having l--e. In my eyes a person can survive without it, but never live.