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#1
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The past two days have been a new experience in hell. I've slept 4 hours in two days, eaten only once, and I don't think I really care. I sometimes wonder if it's possible to pass away from being so lonely and depressed.
I have lost everything that I have fought for; Almost 7 years and still nothing from my daughter, can't work anymore, never been loved, used repeatedly because people see how badly I want to be accepted for me, my brothers are selfish buttholes, I could go on but what's the point. I don't know what else to do anymore. I try but can't smile, I find no joy in anything because everything I enjoyed is gone. I keep my feelings buried so they don't destroy anyone but me, so I know I don't push people away. I wish I looked as good as my nature, because I'm tired of being called ugly, unattractive, worthless cripple, I mean what's the big deal, I walk with a cane....so what. I am old school as hell and the old ways of having values like respect, honesty, chivalry, and faithfulness don't seem to matter anymore. 😢
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I've been to Hell and back so many times, I have afrequent flier mileage program. |
![]() Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896, Yours_Truly
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#2
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Daughters*
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I've been to Hell and back so many times, I have afrequent flier mileage program. |
![]() MtnTime2896
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#3
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RJ, your posts in response to mine have helped me. I suspect they've helped others too. Please don't give up, even though it's the easiest thing to do right now. There are people who care (even though we're just online, don't we count?)
Eat something, take a hot shower, try to sleep. Remember there are people here who care |
#4
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I'm trying MommaD. I've always been better at helping others. Everyone here does count, I just don't understand why I don't matter to people near me. A song that best describes who I am and how I feel is "I am Machine." 3 days grace sings it.
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I've been to Hell and back so many times, I have afrequent flier mileage program. |
![]() MommaD, MtnTime2896
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#5
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#6
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I know we don't 'know' each other, but I value you. It's easy for me to say that I know, and words can only go so far. I don't have kids myself, but in some ways I can relate because I have a similar relationship with my biological father. I'd like to blame him for everything, just like he's always blamed my mother, but I know it's not all his fault. Sending lots of hugs to you
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Dx: BP2 and MDD Current meds: 100mg Wellbutrin; 200mg Lamictal; 400mg Seroquel at night; Xanax 1mg/PRN; 100mg/PRN Trazodone at night for insomnia Diagnosed in May 2016 |
#7
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RJ have you ever tried getting involved with a group like a local chapter of Father's rights association or anything like that , my late wife and I were involved years ago and even represented the local chapter on several TV news and talk shows, and no they aren't just for fathers they fight for anyone who is getting the shaft from a former spouse on issues such as custody and access to the children, might be worth your time to find a local group meeting and if nothing else get some support from people going thru it , and people that are getting somewhere and how they are doing it.
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![]() MtnTime2896
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#8
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Thank you Just and Fuzzy. I am just tired of fighting and not getting anywhere. I know for a fact what I need to feel whole but know I'll never find it. There's too much ugliness to contend with out there.
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I've been to Hell and back so many times, I have afrequent flier mileage program. |
![]() Fuzzybear, JustJace2u, MtnTime2896
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#9
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Thanks for the info Misterpain. I'll look.
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I've been to Hell and back so many times, I have afrequent flier mileage program. |
![]() MtnTime2896
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#10
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Quote:
Quote:
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| manic-depressive with psychotic tendencies (1977) | chronic alcoholism (1981) | Asperger burnout (2010) | mood disorder - nos / personality disorder - nos / generalized anxiety disorder (2011) | chronic back pain / peripheral neuropathy / partial visual impairment | Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumors (incurable cancer) | |
#11
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![]() JustJace2u
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#12
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Thank you Mickey. You showed some definite proof for us Lee, thank you. I'm glad it's not just me that sees the world going to hell. I wish for rest and peace every day. I'm tired of fighting for nothing.
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I've been to Hell and back so many times, I have afrequent flier mileage program. |
#13
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(((((RJ42))))) Just wanted to let you know I relate to your tiredness of depression.
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#14
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I appreciate it Yours. I'm tired of surviving without ever having l--e. In my eyes a person can survive without it, but never live.
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I've been to Hell and back so many times, I have afrequent flier mileage program. |
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