[ARflowerstar]

Honestly. I've had this plan for 2 months. I can't find a single ****ing person who cares. I've tried everything. DONT tell me I haven't tried. Its so hard when you are trying so hard and want help but people aren't giving it to you!!! I even told a professional like idk a ****ing MONTH ago and nothing has happened. Now the plan is ****ing 4 days away and oh well because nobody cares! I mean they tell me they care but they do not mean it. People don't take me seriously because in the past I would feel suicidal and be in crisis and it would last 2-3 days max. This is different. I have felt this way for MONTHS. I have had this plan for MONTHS. Not for impulse/hours! Honestly whatever. No one takes me seriously and Honestly, It took every ounce of me to tell my psychologist about my plan a couple weeks ago. Her response? "Oh I see. You want people to see how horrible you feel" Like WTF. WHAT THE ACTUAL ****. She thinks I'm doing this for attention and sympathy??? I'm doing this "to show people how horrible I feel" ?????? I'm doing this because I ****ing want to die! I'm NOT doing this for a show! I mean whatever, If people ACTUALLY cared, they would've helped me when I told them, a MONTH ago. Now that theres 4 days until the date, I doubt anyone's gonna help me if they didn't earlier. SO **** everyone! (not people on here, just everyone in my life). Help is available to me everywhere, its such easy access for me. Funny how its there, and I even try to USE the help, but it does NOTHING.

[Rohag]

Wow. You have frequently reached out for help. You tell them you have a plan. They offer...what?

Along with depression you carry a BPD diagnosis, yes? I've read many stories of folks with BPD struggling with all the stigma attached to it, even from the mental health professions. I don't want to believe it, and this is only speculation, but I fear the BPD mark may be colouring how your caretakers view what you tell them.

I'm sorry. And I'm worried.

[MommaD]

ARflowerstar, wow I'm stunned by the response of the people around you when you finally spoke up about your suicide plan, particularly the so-called professionals. It's clear from your posts that you're not talking about suicide casually or just for attention.
I hear you. You're in pain. You have been for a long time. You want it to stop. In fact you're willing to do just about anything--including taking your own life--to make it stop.
But I also hear the anger and the passion in your voice and believe it or not, that gives me hope. It means there's still fight left in you. Can you channel that to keep yourself safe? Could you think of keeping yourself alive as the ultimate "giving the finger" to every jerk who didn't listen?
I hope so.
Please let us know how you're doing.

[kkrrhh]

I'm so sorry. It took a lot of strength for you to even reach out, and you deserve so much better. Know you're not alone, I believe you, and we do care. Please don't give up.