[ABC1357]

Suicidal thought is getting really obsessive. I feel like anxiety and suicidal thought controls me. I'm really stressed out... I'm seeking therapist, but I can only tell him surface issues. I have contacted suicide prevention chat several times, but no relief. It's too hard. I'm scared. I just want relief, I don't want to kill myself. Help...

[destroyedlife]

You won't kill yourself. Trust me... You don't even really know how to do it in the best way. Besides, it takes much much more pain than this to actually do it. Hugs from me! I called suicide prevention also once. Only answer I got: Go to hospital! Yeah, great encouragement. Take few benzos, calm down, sleep over and tell your therapist everything you want. I can be your therapist also I know much about psychology and psychotropic medicine and a way I can give you hope. I was very down so much times... So I'm here if you need anything. Always!

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by ABC1357

Suicidal thought is getting really obsessive. I feel like anxiety and suicidal thought controls me. I'm really stressed out... I'm seeking therapist, but I can only tell him surface issues. I have contacted suicide prevention chat several times, but no relief. It's too hard. I'm scared. I just want relief, I don't want to kill myself. Help...

Could you go to ER? I was at the same point you are. And then I fell sick with septic shock. So I went to ER. It was a coincidence (or not ) but they treated me for the two conditions: my depression and my infection. I got better

[Verity81]

This may sound odd but have you tried accepting the thought. Not fighting against it. Let it come in and out of your mind.
If you do feel you will definitely act on the urges then yes you need to go to your accident and emergency unit.
Have you tried meds? Maybe you just need something to calm you down a bit until you are able to go deeper in therapy?

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm really sorry. I'm also sorry that no one was able to help you.. my best wishes go to you

[*Laurie*]

I take your suicidal ideation very seriously. Are you in the care of a doctor?

[VanGore28]

You need to get help if you have reached a really low ebb...accident and emergency, lay it on thick and say you are a danger to yourself, you may get a brief spell in a ward,
It can be such a long process therapy. It wont always be as hard as this but you feel the opposite:there is no way out...but there is. You will find it just keep believing.
I think you need an expert opinion fast

[ABC1357]

Thank you everyone for your kind support

I don't think I'm that bad to go to ER right now, and when it gets really intense, I don't have energy to reach out to people.

I'm considering medication, but I'm kind of afraid of telling doctor I'm suicidal. Primary cares are not very familiar with mental health issue, I heard, and I'm scared of how they react. My therapist is recommending meds too, but I keep refusing. I cannot see pdoc without referral, so I cannot skip this step.

I know I looks totally normal and fine. Maybe just a little but anxious. I know how to pretend as if I'm OK, but I don't know how to ask help. I feel embarrassed and scared. I feel really stuck.

I'm scared of night. I hate the feeling another painful day will start soon.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by ABC1357

Thank you everyone for your kind support

I don't think I'm that bad to go to ER right now, and when it gets really intense, I don't have energy to reach out to people.

I'm considering medication, but I'm kind of afraid of telling doctor I'm suicidal. Primary cares are not very familiar with mental health issue, I heard, and I'm scared of how they react. My therapist is recommending meds too, but I keep refusing. I cannot see pdoc without referral, so I cannot skip this step.

I know I looks totally normal and fine. Maybe just a little but anxious. I know how to pretend as if I'm OK, but I don't know how to ask help. I feel embarrassed and scared. I feel really stuck.

I'm scared of night. I hate the feeling another painful day will start soon.

Something to control anxiety could be good

[Yellow Knight]

I'm the same as you, lots of thoughts, no intent whatsoever. Don't turn away the medication, it will help alleviate it. Medication takes around 30 days to have a noticeable effect so you will think it isn't helping, but for me the voices are much quieter than they were a few months ago before I started experimenting with meds.