So Tired

I'm just feeling so tired today, I can't get out of this funk. I've been really struggling to pull myself back out of this depression, and I don't even feel like I really want to. It's just a constant battle, spending time to prepare for the worse episodes, then steeling myself to deal with it. Then by the time I recover, it's time to prepare for another episode. I'm so exhausted by it all. I feel like it could be all over at any time now, too. It's like I'm in the final stages of some terminal illness, and I know I'm going to die soon. Or maybe I'm just passively sui and wish it would happen.

Depression can fool us into believing we are dying. From your post it does sound like you're very depressed, and I am so sorry for that. Are you in treatment?

I can't remember any time I've been this depressed. Even spending time with people close to me feels like I'm saying goodbye right now. I am in treatment, I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow.

Oh, no. That sounds terrible. Please know that your depression is fooling you. I'm glad you have an appointment tomorrow.

I'm trying to keep that in mind. Depression is a tricky fool, it's such a real feeling. I'm glad I have an appointment too, I definitely need it.

Yes, it is so hard when our own minds lie to us. But it's very real. Last winter I was in a severe depression and was convinced I was dying. Awful. When the depression lifted, I was quite shocked at how convincing my unhealthy thoughts had been.

That sounds terrible, I'm sorry you had to go through that too. Now that it's getting towards the end of the day, my anxiety is starting to flare up about my appointment tomorrow. I'm afraid that my therapist won't be able to do anything to help, and I'll have to keep fighting this alone.

Ahh the cycle. Makes me want to run from my subconscious if that were possible. Here's a distracting Haiku.

The flying leaves
In the field at the front
are enticing the cat.

Issa

I think I'd be ok with the cycle if it were more spaced out. But I go from ok to defensive to depressed and back again in a 4 week span.

Wow I could not describe how I feel better.... just want it all to end once in for all

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through the same thing. It's absolutely the worst. I'll make sure to check in after I see my therapist tomorrow I'm to share any advice she has. I'm sure there are others who could benefit from it.

I just got back from seeing my therapist. She didn't have a lot of suggestions for me, more just making sure I tell the psychiatrist about my feelings when I see him. That feels frustrating, because he doesn't listen very well to either of our thoughts on my depression.

For coping now, my therapist pretty much just suggested trying to find things that make me happy, every day. And we talked about finding some sort of hope or peace through some kind of spirituality, not necessarily religion. I'm not really sure how to go about that, I've never really believed in much of anything. But it's something to explore.

As far as feeling like I'm dying, she said that's the depression causing those thoughts. I still wish I could make them go away though, I don't feel much better today than I did yesterday. But I think talking about it gave me a little hope, at least.

Woah. Mine's more like 4 months. The bad thing about a spaced out cycle is the long depressive sections. Although a short one must be exhausting. no one ever wins

It is exhausting. My mood cycles are synced with my menstrual cycle, so it's pretty frequent.