[MtnTime2896]

So, I've been more distant on here, lately. In real life, too. In truth, it's for a number of reasons. The first one, I don't even know what to say anymore, my mind's too messed up. Second, I find it so difficult to just read threads anymore, let alone reply. That one kills me because I care about so many of you on here and I can't even be there for you. I'm sorry for this.

Third, is simple disconnect so that my leaving, hopefully won't hurt as much, or at least come as a shock when it happens. I have this date coming up. This date that I've had established for going on five months, now. I gave myself five more months to decide if it all was worth it to keep fighting. I'm ashamed to say that I'm leaning more towards giving up and giving in. I might remove this thread because I hate coming on here and having people I care about read that I'm still actively planning my death. That the date is swiftly approaching. My signature, kind of says it all.

I wouldn't say this post is my "scarlet letter". Not yet. I've lost hope that I won't have to write one, though. I'm just sorry I'm so weak right now guys. And I'm sorry that I still, still plan on hurting those of you I've grown very close to.

[Hobbit House]

I'm so so sorry you are so disconnected from everything and everyone. Please don't give in to the despair. I know how deep the hole goes and it is very deep indeed. Many of us have been in your shoes and come back from the brink. You can too! You have friends here who want to help you. You can talk to us. Don't give up.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry I too wish I was gone from this world . I'd miss you so much if you weren't here

Maybe things will turn around for you... or even for me, although I think the latter is less likely

(These days I'm usually fairly distant by nature but you're one of those I'd miss the most on here )

[laffer75]

Stay strong. We will keep going together as a group

[AbladeintheMeadow]

My heart goes out to you. I urge you to reach out & seek help in real life to keep you safe.

Hobbit House speaks for many of us who have stood at that cross roads & returned from that place & Fuzzybear is right things can & do turn around. But you have to be here for that to happen.

Please reach out. Don't let depression win. Don't let it claim another. You may lose battles along the way, but war can still be won.

I send you strength to carry on, courage to reach out for help & love to guide your way.

[Yours_Truly]

Oh So leigheas, I know how you feel, I've been there. Are you on any medication and do you have a therapist? I too would greatly miss you. You're so open and honest and caring.

[BrownHat22]

I'm so sorry that you've gotten to this point So Leigheas. But just because it seems like there's nowhere else to go doesn't mean that saying goodbye is the answer. Please don't give up.

I'm truly sorry that you are so disconnected and you are in my prayers everyday. We are so grateful that you gave us this update because we know how much you are struggling and are just glad that you are just still here. You have so many personal things that you are dealing with that it is completely OK to take a break from reading about other people's struggles. Some of the people on PC are suffering so much pain. I feel a certain emotional involvement with some of the people here, like you, and your friendship means so much to me. However, sometimes it's good to just take a break and immerse yourself in nonmental things like exercise, nature, cleaning, cooking, etc. Perhaps taking a break will help your mental health. Please take care of yourself as much as you possibly can. You have no obligations to us but we would sure miss you and don't want to lose you.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. You're a great friend and so many people here care about you. Please, stay strong, things can get better. If you want to take a break from PC, we will understand - so don't worry about that. Do everything you can that can help you feel better. We all want you to feel good again

you don't need to apologize

I just hope we're helping you enough.

(((((hugs)))))

I have been struggling trying to find the words to respond to this and I still don't really know what to say. Friend, Please came on earlier and it's so relevant to this, and as I don't have my own words I will steal Twenty One Pilots'.

"Friend, please remove your hands from
Over your eyes for me
I know you want to leave but
Friend, please don't take your life away from me

Would you let me know your plans tonight
'Cause I just won't let go 'til we both see the light
And I have nothing else left to say
But I will listen to you all day, yes I will"

I wish there was more I could do to help get you through this. You mean a great deal to me and although I know you are suffering so much right now I would still be saddened to see you go. I hope you will change your mind, but I suppose I also understand if you don't/can't. Just know that we are all here for you trying to support you as much as we can.

[Unrigged64072835]

So sorry you're going through this. Find the hope, no matter how slim it is.

[little turtle]

I am so sorry you feel so awful...

[MommaD]

Please don't give up. You don't have to decide for all your tomorrows--that can be too overwhelming. decide for just today that it's not today. "There may come a day when I decide to leave it all behind, but it isn't today."
You've helped so many people here just by being the kind,generous soul you are. Many many people would miss you and I know that's not much balanced against the pain you're feeling, but it's all we've got. only you can decide if it's worth it.
Sending you thoughts of healing, peace and comfort