[Ger5]

Hi I am new this this and so decided to write something here as some sort of last ditch for any kind of help. I have suffered from depression for a long time now (since 17yrs old I am 29 now) and my friends and family do not know I suffer this ( I have managed to hide it fairly well a lot of the time) even though I have let slip many hints I suffer depression on quite a few occasions but either nobody notices or just turns a blind eye to my struggle.

I left my country of origin just over 2 years ago now and moved to another country to try and improve my life one last time. I moved to a country where I don't speak a lot of the local language although I can have basic conversations. This makes it difficult to talk to a doctor about my depression and I also dont get paid much money and therefore I cant afford to see any specialist or anything. I am very alone with this. My work situation is very stressful as I am limited to what I can do with work and therefore money is a big issue and this does not help either. Another thing is recently I found out my mum has been diagnosed with alzheimers disease and is struggling and my dad is finding it kind of hard to deal with it as far as I know. This saddens me alot. I am very lonely a lot of the time here as I cant get to do much things with my friends here. The loneliness is very difficult. I had a girlfriend and we recently broke up, I only ever cared and was loving to her and did nothing wrong and she just changed and her attitude became very bad towards me for no reason and now we are finished and she knows I was struggling but just didnt care (I wish I had never met her). I have not been able to eat much because of my money constraints and therefore have lost a bit of weight and I was slim to begin with and I am losing my hair quite fast now. In the past I have thought about commiting suicide to the point I know exactly how, when and where I will do it. I had serious thoughts about it in the past but now with everything going wrong in my life and it not looking like changing for the better anytime soon, I just see no reason in living anymore. I have no hope left. I am an optimistic person but everything has now come to a point where it has eaten away at me that I have nothing to live for anymore. I have never had such a strong urge to kill myself as I do now. I have cried to myself so many times I have lost count. I honestly doubt I will see my 30th birthday this year. Sorry for such a long post, I just had to get that off my chest.

(((((hugs)))))

I hope you will continue to post here

[Ger5]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

(((((hugs)))))

I hope you will continue to post here

Thanks SS. To be honest probably not, just like in my life I have been pushed to the side and forgotten about. I tried to reach out for the slightest bit of help but left with nothing once again. The sooner my life ends the better

[Fuzzybear]

[Hobbit House]

We are here to listen and help support you no matter what you are going through in your life.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by Ger5

Hi I am new this this and so decided to write something here as some sort of last ditch for any kind of help. I have suffered from depression for a long time now (since 17yrs old I am 29 now) and my friends and family do not know I suffer this ( I have managed to hide it fairly well a lot of the time) even though I have let slip many hints I suffer depression on quite a few occasions but either nobody notices or just turns a blind eye to my struggle.

I left my country of origin just over 2 years ago now and moved to another country to try and improve my life one last time. I moved to a country where I don't speak a lot of the local language although I can have basic conversations. This makes it difficult to talk to a doctor about my depression and I also dont get paid much money and therefore I cant afford to see any specialist or anything. I am very alone with this. My work situation is very stressful as I am limited to what I can do with work and therefore money is a big issue and this does not help either. Another thing is recently I found out my mum has been diagnosed with alzheimers disease and is struggling and my dad is finding it kind of hard to deal with it as far as I know. This saddens me alot. I am very lonely a lot of the time here as I cant get to do much things with my friends here. The loneliness is very difficult. I had a girlfriend and we recently broke up, I only ever cared and was loving to her and did nothing wrong and she just changed and her attitude became very bad towards me for no reason and now we are finished and she knows I was struggling but just didnt care (I wish I had never met her). I have not been able to eat much because of my money constraints and therefore have lost a bit of weight and I was slim to begin with and I am losing my hair quite fast now. In the past I have thought about commiting suicide to the point I know exactly how, when and where I will do it. I had serious thoughts about it in the past but now with everything going wrong in my life and it not looking like changing for the better anytime soon, I just see no reason in living anymore. I have no hope left. I am an optimistic person but everything has now come to a point where it has eaten away at me that I have nothing to live for anymore. I have never had such a strong urge to kill myself as I do now. I have cried to myself so many times I have lost count. I honestly doubt I will see my 30th birthday this year. Sorry for such a long post, I just had to get that off my chest.

I lived in a foreign country for more than a decade. My depression started there. I cannot imagine how you feel having had the depression already. Moving to another country is too stressful and triggers many behaviors that we may have overcome already. Like it brings a lot of insecurities, etc. the cultural change is enormous particularly if we come from countries more community oriented and have moved to individualistic countries. Relationships with foreign people are difficult because of different expectations. Language issues are also important stressors. The immigration status hits hard as well. And if you are having economic hardship your condition worsens.
You can have the help of many people here. Don't hesitate to communicate.
I am sending you a big hug

[MatBell]

Welcome glad to have you here

Life is becoming increasingly solitary these days. It is known.
Know that there are other ways to treat depression beyond a professional's hand - exercise, diets, books, working, being here on this forum...
They may not solve your harsh feelings once and for all, but they can surely put an ease to your pain and make your time more comfortable.

[mar33]

I know it is painful. I feel it too. I'm sorry you've reached such a low point but you don't have to leave. My friend committed suicide a couple weeks ago. He thought it wasn't worth living and it damaged everyone around him to lose him. Suicide seems like an option, but the only thing it does is eliminate the possibility of life ever getting better. Stay here. It's worth it, even if you don't see that where you are now.

Keep posting. Good luck

[eeeyore]

Hope is not necessary for living a happy life.

[sadp8r]

Originally Posted by Ger5

Hi I am new this this and so decided to write something here as some sort of last ditch for any kind of help. I have suffered from depression for a long time now (since 17yrs old I am 29 now) and my friends and family do not know I suffer this ( I have managed to hide it fairly well a lot of the time) even though I have let slip many hints I suffer depression on quite a few occasions but either nobody notices or just turns a blind eye to my struggle.

I left my country of origin just over 2 years ago now and moved to another country to try and improve my life one last time. I moved to a country where I don't speak a lot of the local language although I can have basic conversations. This makes it difficult to talk to a doctor about my depression and I also dont get paid much money and therefore I cant afford to see any specialist or anything. I am very alone with this. My work situation is very stressful as I am limited to what I can do with work and therefore money is a big issue and this does not help either. Another thing is recently I found out my mum has been diagnosed with alzheimers disease and is struggling and my dad is finding it kind of hard to deal with it as far as I know. This saddens me alot. I am very lonely a lot of the time here as I cant get to do much things with my friends here. The loneliness is very difficult. I had a girlfriend and we recently broke up, I only ever cared and was loving to her and did nothing wrong and she just changed and her attitude became very bad towards me for no reason and now we are finished and she knows I was struggling but just didnt care (I wish I had never met her). I have not been able to eat much because of my money constraints and therefore have lost a bit of weight and I was slim to begin with and I am losing my hair quite fast now. In the past I have thought about commiting suicide to the point I know exactly how, when and where I will do it. I had serious thoughts about it in the past but now with everything going wrong in my life and it not looking like changing for the better anytime soon, I just see no reason in living anymore. I have no hope left. I am an optimistic person but everything has now come to a point where it has eaten away at me that I have nothing to live for anymore. I have never had such a strong urge to kill myself as I do now. I have cried to myself so many times I have lost count. I honestly doubt I will see my 30th birthday this year. Sorry for such a long post, I just had to get that off my chest.

Hi my friend I just read Your Post and Hope You still with us here at PC...Tho I may not know all Youre going Through I do understand the loneliness and depression and feelings of suicide for i have gone through alot of that and have attempted several times...the last time was in spring of 2013...But I am still here and I hope my experiences can help others who feel this way...that was when i found PC ...I was reaching out for4 support from people who understand...and I found so many here on PC and alot Ive gotten close with and able to share my feelings...i do know depression is a difficult thing to live with but there is Hope...i also write that to myself too...if You ever need to chat about anything my name on PC is sadp8r....please hang in there my friend........Youre Not alone

[MickeyCheeky]

Hope you'll stay with us.. we care

[Fuzzybear]