[Alexander_29]

Hi everyone, Im currently 5 weeks into yr 12 and I honestly am sick of everything (not just school but life in general). I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression early 2016 I also have really bad self esteem and I got put on a mental health care plan but Iv havn't achieved anything with my psychologist I feel like every time i go im wasting my time, i feel uncomfortable, i dont connect with her, i only see her for 10 sessions a year which is very little as its on the plan and im 17 and cant afford to pay for therapy and I don't see the point, I had a session today and she said that i'm "hard to read' and that I always seem so put together, she thinks i'm doing ok and that i wont need to see her much longer just a catch up hear and there but i'm honestly getting worse I have been so down and sad most of the time since school started I have cried at least 4 times in every class because I feel stupid and worthless and if I don't get 100% i'm not happy I got a B+ on my first biology test and I was so disgusted with myself and like I suck and everyone is better and Im a burden, the anxiety is doing my head in and Iv started self harming again for the first time in 3 years and I have no clue why I just want to do it (iv only been doing this for 2 weeks) but I told her I was fine and Im honestly so glad I don't have to go to therapy anymore I have always wanted to be a psychologist but now i'm starting to think therapy is a bunch bollocks and a waste so im really conflicted. I also don't know what the heck to do I wont tell my parents any of this I HATE them being involved in my life especially emotionally and I also am really depressed about how even if i need help 10 sessions a year wont do much and I need more to connect with someone and I cant afford the sessions and neither can my family it just isn't possible and the fact that my family is struggling with money and I don't have any stresses me out. I also have a lot of relationship issues with my step dad and dad so that causes lots of fighting. even my body issues are getting worse I honestly am disgusted by my reflection I cant look in the mirror in the school bathrooms because I look so fat and gross and weird looking. Even my teachers are sick of me because im so negative all the time I also cant do any of the assignments by myself because i need reassurance i'm right, I feel pathetic I have no clue what the point of anything is anymore.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Alexander_29: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I see you're still pretty new here. So... to PsychCentral! Hopefully being here on PC can be of some comfort & support. Continuing to post with regard to your struggles, as well as reading & replying to other members' posts may be helpful. But also, once you've had 5 posts reviewed & approved, you'll be able to join in the chat rooms & correspond with other members in real time. You may find that helpful as well:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/calendar.php

I wish you well...

[Fuzzybear]

[Fizzyo]

((((((Alexander_29))))))

[20oney]

Sounds like you're in a really tough place right now. I feel like I've been through a little of what you're experiencing and it's not easy. It may seem like therapy isn't the answer, and that it is a waste of time, all of those thoughts are going to come at you - that's depression / anxiety speaking. It takes a while to grasp this concept and to really, be able to accept it as that.

One thing that has really helped me with therapy, is this ability to email with my therapist between sessions. It might be helpful to ask yours if that is an option. Because it sounds like you're having a bit of trouble being completely open with them (which is totally normal!). If they're not ok with out of session contact, maybe even try showing them what you've written here? If that sounds like a bit too much, just start with one thing out of the post. It can take time to get really comfortable with a therapist, but it is worth it in the long run, because they are there for YOU. They're there to stand by you, and to help you through all that life throws at you.

You're in Australia yes? Have you tried seeing someone at a headspace centre? They are usually quite cheap, if not free. Maybe your college offers some sort of support? I know it's not an easy thing to bring up, but pushing it aside, and trying to ignore these things is not going to help in the long run.

I hope things start to look up for you soon

[reb569]

I'm sorry that you are struggling so badly. Is there an option to try a different therapist? Maybe you would feel better about opening up with someone else. If nothing else, reach out to her and let her know that you don't think the therapy has been helpful and that you don't think your ready to stop. I hope things get better for you soon.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you feel this way, I can relate to your struggles, especially the ones you have with therapy..

[Hobbit House]

I feel so bad about your struggles. I know life can be hard especially at this particular time in your life. I have an aversion to therapy too. I don't always think it's as effective as it should be either. In fact it scares me sometimes.
I hope you start feeling better. You never know what's around the corner for you. Good luck.

[SgtRock]

1st, you have to be open and honest with your therapist for them to 'read' you. They can't read your mind. You have to let them in. If one therapist doesn't feel right, request a different one.

And only 10 sessions? I thought down under you had universal healthcare. Doesn't that include mental health?

Also, it was your 1st test. Don't be so hard on yourself for a B+. That's still a good grade.

[Nike007]

Hi. I am in a similar boat as you. Year 12 (grade 12) and have recently gone into depression, and haven't been able to do homework in two weeks. I have luckily managed to do work at school, so I have still done good on the last two tests. I sadly had a biology lab due last Friday, and I didn't get it done because of my low mood and motivation, but talked to my teacher and she gave me an extension.

One thing I would recommend is talking to someone at your school like a teacher you trust. I have talked to one of my teachers and she has helped me feel better and not as bad about myself.

Could you talk to your psychologist and ask them to see a therapist or talk to your doctor to get them to refer you to a therapist or new psychologist?

Also, is there any way you could get an IEP or something equivalent to where you live? This way, you could get extensions on assignments because of this, plus additional supports in school.

If you need anyone to talk to, just message me . Hope things go your way soon.