[Onyx999]

This is going to seem silly, at least some of it.

I am staying with a friend and her family back home in SoCal after years of being in TX. I'm so happy to be back its unreal. For the first time in a long time, I'm off meds, my sense of hustle or motivation is back. I can actually get aroused and get off within a short amount of time (just like my 20s and 30s) and I've had a few job interviews in the month since I've been back.

That's the good.

Here's the annoying. I'm living rent free but since it's taking longer to get into a job than I thought, I'm increasingly stressed about funds. Lots of people have helped me over the past several weeks and it's been amazing. However, I've never been one to rely on others. So having to be on EBT and watch my bank account become overdrawn all the time is pissing me off. ON TOP of all this, my friend whom I've known for several years and the interractiion between her husband and son is annoying as hell to watch.

I don't like kids, but they are tolerable if the parents have them well trained. This pair do not. AT ALL. The boy has ADHD, so do many other people. He's 10 and he's already learned to use that as an excuse. His table manners are atrocious. Keep in mind, I just came back from the south, where children are trained to be polite. I loved that! They do very little to correct his manners in this house. He comes to the table, hums while he's eating, chews with his mouth open and smacks. I attempted to correct him politely of course. He stopped for a minute then started up again. I figured well, hes young he just needs constant reminding. I reminded him again, nicely. My friend got all pissed off and yelled at him to go eat his snack in the bedroom. Yeah, cos that's great parenting! They treat this boy like he's made of glass. We were at a farmer's market last week in a nearby city. She purchased something in a glass jar. He wanted to carry it to the car, but she took it from him because she was concerned he might drop it. I argued that he's not going to learn to be independent if she continues to act like this. He's got ADD hes NOT retarded! Jesus christ!!!!!

I've seen this boy put both hands in his plate at the table, not pick up after himself not help around the house. He seems to have no apparent bed time. INstead of doing homework when he comes home, his face is CONSTANTLY IN a stupid *** Pokemon video game. and speaking of... if I hear anymore about that stupid *** cartoon.... There have been NUMEROUS times when I've told him to help me when I'm doing housework, and his 'parents' jump in and say, 'oh no he'll just get in the way.' He's 10!!!! It seems like the only time they do any discipline is if they see me looking at his actions with the look of distinct disapproval on my face. What the hell did they do before I got here?

I can't stand her husband. He's morbidly obese and lazy and a mouth-breather. She could have done better and she knows it. In fact, when we met, they were childless and could not get along for anything. She has lifelong severe anxiety and ADD herself, so she's likely afraid to be without him after all these years. They got married when they were in junior college. And honestly, I suspect it was his idea to have a kid, so she wouldn't eventually leave. Sad. We're all in our late 40s by the way.

But since living here, I've started to lose respect for her. she literally acts like she can't do anything for herself. She had a doctors appt the other day and she had him go with her. This was not for anything serious mind you, just a checkup. I looked at her incrdulously and asked if she always needs a chaperon when taking care of her personal business. She claims she needs him so she'll remember what to talk to the DR about. I have ADD too, I just make a note of things I need to remember. Writing things down was part of both our professions for years, so I don't buy it. this woman calls herself a feminist. I think not. If I ask her a question, she immediately turns to fat boy like I asked him something. I'm her friend, not his. I put up with him because he's married to her. Dont get me started on him. This is already too long.

I would get irritated for years when we would hang out. We would make plans and instead of asking if it was ok if fatboy and the brat came along, she would just show up with them. I'm like, damn does he have nothing better to do? Where the **** are his friends and why is he always up under his wife? i know tons of married people, none act like this. It's ridiculous.
On top of it the place was a literal trash pit when I moved in here. Part of my staying was to help them with that since I don't pay rent. So I clean and I de-clutter. But it seems like every time I make progress, fatboy goes to a big box store and comes back in with more **** there's no room for.

I'm grateful to her for taking me and my cat in, but I had to vent. I HAD TO! Anyway thanks for listening.

[Clara22]

Hi,
I hear you. It is difficult to be there, and I wish you could get your own place as soon as possible. Independent living is a human need and right. I am faithful you will.
On the other hand, I would like you to accept me as I am at the present moment if I were your friend. I would like to be just embraced without reservations in your heart.
During the time I lived in your country (more than a decade) I always struggled to reconcile the new ideas (to me) about that every one makes one self and my profound convictions about the important roles of circumstances and environment to determine one's choices and behaviors. Sumarely, I found that in your country people were too hard on each other and with themselves sometimes. This is maybe because I was born in a place where summary executions and torture of disidentes including some cousins of mine by the government happened on a daily basis. We did what we could to survive and I could learn about the fragility of All human beings at an early age. People have different capabilities to cope with life, regardless if you have to face illegal detentions or having a child with a disability. We don't know unless we experience it, and this is valid everywhere every time.
In particular, often children with ADHD display defiant and oppositional behavior. Parenting them is not easy at all and professionals that really know how to orient parents are not abundant. I am not justifying your friend, her husband or her child. I would be absolutely fed up if I were in your place. I think you did the right thing by venting here. I just would like you to forgive her in your heart because I think she loves you despite she has been a disapppointment lastly.
Sorry for my English.
Best wishes

[Onyx999]

Hi Clara!

I know you're right. I'm just frustrated. That's why I vented here instead of on another platform where people would just chime in with more mean spirited stuff. People here are reasonable and can bring me back down to earth. I'm struggling with what I feel is the loss of my independence. I'll get it back, because thats who I am, but right now it's hard. I'm trying to stay off meds because I finally feel like I have my 'edge' back. my body suffered on Effexor, even though it was better for my depression. I'm heavier and softer than I like to be. So I'm working on my physical fitness and body and muscles as well. I just want to have a paycheck and be able to pay bills again.

You're right. I love my friend. She made room for me and my elderly cat, when family didn't do anything. I do not like her husband, I believe he is holding her back in life. But she made her choice and she's an adult. He's not abusive, in fact, he's very compliant. I see him as weak thats probably why I don't like him. This my issue, not hers.

I'm sorry for all you've been through in your life. Life just sucks sometimes. I wish it didn't. Thanks you for your words of wisdom.

[Clara22]

Thank you for being so honest!