[MtnTime2896]

Sick people go to a doctor to be examined. If there's a problem, there will likely be a plan created to treat it along with follow-up appointments. Follow-up appointments can lead to more discoveries or affirmations. If the person is sick beyond what the average appointment can provide, said person may go to a specialist. If they are in urgent need, they go to a hospital where they are given a room and treated more intensely. Sometimes, the person is beyond help. There's not a damn thing anyone can do.

That last sentence is where I feel I am. Granted, hospitalization has been on my 'to do list' for some time, with me refusing to actually follow through. Thing is, I don't follow through because I can't help but consider that I'm too far gone. I'm not the one who can't accept that, others are. I think I'm a sick dog that needs put down so that others can move along. "I'm sick and it's over for me. It doesn't have to be for you." (Supernatural).

I'm a lost cause. Dead weight screaming for incineration to consume my vessel so that what's left of me can disappear with the smoke.

[whisperingskye]

How can you be so sure you are too far gone though if you haven't followed through on the hospital option? You might have accepted it but perhaps you are wrong to? You could go to hospital and come out feeling a lot better, you could come out and there be no improvement. You aren't going to know unless you try though, so I say it's too early to say there's not a damn thing anyone can do to help.

Not saying drop everything and go to hospital...but perhaps worth considering again.

[MtnTime2896]

Situation was just slightly different, therefore hospitalization has been re-adapted into my current state.

In my last one, which was less distressing, I came out feeling worse than when I had gone in. This was in December.

I guess, I just don't want to risk it.

[whisperingskye]

Yes I had the same experience last time, I was way worse when I came out. I definitely understand your reluctance, I don't think I'll ever agree to being hospitalised again.

I guess I just needed to be a hypocrite for a moment there.

I don't believe you are a lost cause though.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

I don't believe you are a lost cause though.

I appreciate that. I'm just sort of a negative nancy tonight, well morning now...

[whisperingskye]

((((Só leigheas))))

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you feel like this I don't think you're a lost cause. You're a strong fighter and even if things look really dark now, I think there's always a chance to improve and please, don't think that anyone would be better off without you. You've helped a lot of people in your life. You have a lot to give to this world

[mc2ed]

I may be so very dumb in the next few moments of my writing...forgive me in advance...please.....When you are talking about sick and hospital....are you talking about sick and hospital....for an ailment...of body like your appendix and you have an operation...or are you speaking of an ailment of the mind...and hospital is a place of treatment for that which troubles the mind...?.....

The body can be too far gone....in some disease....that it could be pointless often to go to hospital....it is just a route of slicing...a moment or two...left of life....that has no function....

Yet the mind....is so very different...it buckles and folds in so many directions...and is ever changing....from one second to the next....my doctors used to tell me....the mind is the last frontier...it is the unknown....it is only partially mapped....all is not discovered.....so the lost cause could be in that territory of maybe not...?....

I have often felt...like your...'last sentence'....I feel like such a burden....the horror of it makes my skin crawl....and my heart cave in on it's self...just falling into my own mind of hell.....

Yet.....there always seems to be a moment...that rises....of that maybe not yet....even though it may still be dark....and our mind may be broken...it still carries us into life...wired in some way...that holds to living....there is some reason for that....

Just in this one instance...that rises for me...I see that you have posted in this place 1,924 times....even if 1,923 times that posting was solely you writing of your own needs....(which I do not think is so)....there is that 1 other time left....(still thinking it is many more times than 1).....you reached out and offered...words...in expressing compassion and caring to another...who is here hurting...or crying out....I know what it feels like...when someone responds to me...in this place....when someone responds...when you are hurting...in this place or beyond it....that act of reaching for them....is without measure.....to the person in need....YOU have done that....not even knowing you at all.....I KNOW YOU HAVE DONE THAT......that reaching...if that is all that you or anyone else ever does....gives value....that is not measureable....it lifts you...and anyone....out of the realm of.....'lost cause and dead weight'.....I even have to accept that for myself.....being there for someone...stranger or not...gives a purpose...that has value to humanity....most especially to the person you can reach.....

I am so very sorry that you are feeling this way....I may sound all...what is the word...Polly Anna-ish....or chipper....or some goodie goodie girl....and when I am feeling in that not so great place....my response to someone in that mode...would be...more along the lines of some kind of torture for them.......yet it from their side...and the side of those you have helped....it remains a truth....no one is completely bad....and no one is completely good...we are a mixing bowl of ingredients....some ingredients makes us want to spit them out....and some....oh yum....make us want to grab a big spoon....it is that way for others too....

I have written all these words....thrown them at the page in some order....that hopefully...you read...and there could be an offering to you in them...if not...there is the wish for those moments you read them.....your mind was taken....away from that which you do battle.....if it did...even for a moment...go read your favorite book...and it could last longer...?....that moment of away....sometimes I will read a book I like..over and over...just to go away.....

I wish you peace....I wish you peace....my own wish...is that it comes true....

[MtnTime2896]

mc2ed

That did take me away. Thank you.

[MtnTime2896]

Thanks, Mickey.

Sometimes the feelings in my head outweighs my track record if I consider logic.

Thank you for being here.

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

...Sometimes the feelings in my head outweighs my track record if I consider logic. ...

I feel the same way.

This strange job of doctors who seem to think that IF they keep the body alive...well...mission accomplished---

Let's celebrate. But what about the soul? Emotions. Mind. Brain. Whatever you like to call it....It is what WE are....What about US?

It's like logic and emotions are at a constant standoff...(spoiler.....Logic is a p-u-s-s-y)...

It's all so....unglued. Anti-cohesive. Post explosion....Nothing makes sense with me, it seems. A single thread of hope that will unravel.

I can't wait.