[Aardwolf]

Clean
Wash up
Cook
Hoover
Eat regularly
Remember to fill the car with petrol
Get to work on time
Work without falling asleep

HOW AM I SO INCAPABLE OF DOING SIMPLE THINGS !?

There is washing up, that i am ashamed to admit, has been there since December.. It's dry so no mould grows, but. Really ? REALLY BRAIN ?

It feels like I'm sat at a stop light that never changes to green, or when it does the bulb immediately blows.

Is it just me expecting too much of myself, am I really so hopeless as a "functioning" adult ?

I have very rarely felt anger towards myself.. Now i'm really feeling it today in spades. Can i return myself for a refund and replacement for a model that isn't faulty ?

[Naynay99]

Hey. I can relate. I often feel like I am broken as I struggle with normal adulting tasks and behavior, like cleaning and chores and crap.
It's weird. I have a complicated job and managed to get several degrees but for the life of me I haven't figured out how to keep up with laundry or opening mail or not letting my place turn into a disaster zone...

I think for me it's a combination of not being able to keep up stuff that I am supposed to do today and then somehow do it all over again tomorrow, As well that when depressed I don't give a **** about any of that stuff. It's overwhelming.

I wish I had good ideas how to help with this, but i haven't figured it out yet.
I do know that beating myself up for it never helps, even tho it is my go to thinking at times But I do hear you and can relate. Hang in there.

[Skeezyks]

[MtnTime2896]

I wouldn't want you traded in or refunded, you're too unique.

I do get what you're saying, though. I often feel like the product with a defect on the assembly line of life. Well, a few defects. The truth is, I'm left with what I have and have to, in turn, work with that. And it sucks. And it's miserable.

But I'll tell ya, when I am functioning, when I am at a stable level (not necessarily healthy but stable), I kill it. I can work two jobs, be a full time student and still manage to take time out for family/volunteer work.

I think that you can do the same when you're mind's not working against you. I have a strong feeling that, when your mind isn't trying to kill itself, it's a machine that no others can contend with. The way you write, the amount of introspection you are capable of and the way you're able to communicate on here is beyond impressive. I love reading what you write on here because, not only is it relateable, but you can verbalize things I can barely wrap my head around at times.

Anger is often a response in the brain to 'fight or run' away from danger. Depression is a danger and your mind wants to fight it. Thing is, it's a primitive response that attacks itself. A mind is so complex and impressive that it can't even fight itself. Your brain is extraordinary and is also unique to you. I don't know how long it'll take and don't know how much willpower it will entail; but your mind can do this.

[Aardwolf]

Thank you for all of your posts.. I'm on the way trying to surmount this rather large mountain of issues...

I'm going to ask my doctor tomorrow about psychotherapy again... I may have "lost" the original referral. I didn't feel like I was worth taking up their time, and it's been a very difficult feeling for me to get rid of.

Is it stupid for me to go, or should i actually give this serious consideration ?

I'm still not entirely sure if i deserve to have help. It feels alien to me.

[Fuzzybear]

You definitely deserve to have help

[MtnTime2896]

You deserve help as much as anyone else here.