[starryprince]

Hey there. I hope everyone has been okay.

As of late I've been more depressed than usual. My depression is chronic so it's usually mlld to moderate. Now it seems a bit more than moderate...My therapist means well but she isn't helping. She tries to encourage me and be optimistic but when I'm like this optimism just seems like empty words.

I feel incredibly lonely and stuck. I feel trapped because of multiple reasons.

I have begun to have self-destructive thoughts. I wouldn't act on them (I think?) but I've been having them more than usual.

I am just very tired. I just started taking Lamictal so I'm hoping it works.

My insomnia has been horrible and my pdoc refuses to give me sleeping pills and the sleep medications I get over the counter aren't helping me anymore...I'm lucky if I sleep straight for 2-3 hours now.

My memory is so bad. I don't know what's happening. I just have a lot of life stressors right now (financial stress, gender identity issues/being unable to transition because I live at home, living with my childhood abuser, death of my cat of 17 years, not connecting with anyone, trying (and failing) to get a job, etc.).

I have been suffering from depression for the past 12 years and it is getting tiring...I work so hard and get little payback...I just want to be in a stable position and help my mother be comfortable.

What do you do when therapy isn't helping you?

[Marla500]

You are going through so muchI wish I had some good advice for you. There was a time in my life when I was going through an almost unbearable amount of stress and people would tell me things would get better. And I guess the thought of that did help. But eventually things did get better. Is there anything you can do now to relieve some of the stress? Is there anything you like to do that helps you forget about everything for a while?

[dexter]

{{{{{strarryprince}}}}}

[MtnTime2896]

I can't answer that. I could, but it wouldn't be helpful nor insightful.

I'm reading, though and I'll keep reading. If I find an answer to the question, I'll let you know.

[*Laurie*]

When nothing is working I would look at your treatment providers. That your pdoc won't give you something to help your insomnia seems odd. Are you on other meds? It sounds like you would benefit from an antidepressant.

Perhaps your therapist is not an effective one for you. I've been in therapy with a therapist who is excellent and it's a world of difference between that kind of therapeutic relationship and one in which the therapy is just...flat...like flat soda.

[Verumondo]

That is a lot to go through. I wish I could help more directly somehow. :c

When therapy isn't working, I go on forums like these to meet people and make friends and try to get more support in general. Otherwise, I avoid most social media. I do this until I get a new therapist (though right now I'm not in therapy at all, and haven't been for some time).

I recently found out that there are community mental health centers that offer therapy if you don't have insurance. Nobody ever told me about that before, and I assume it doesn't come up much for other people either. I don't know if you have any that are local to you, but maybe one would be an alternative to your current therapist.

[Verumondo]

That's a lot to go through. I'm sorry I can't help more directly. :c

When therapy stops working for me, I turn to my support group, which mostly consists of friends I've met online. If they're not available, I try to go out and go on forums like this one.

I recently discovered that there are community mental health centers that you can go to for therapy even if you aren't insured (or aren't insured sufficiently). Nobody ever told me about that before. It might be an alternative to your current therapist, if there's one near you.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

When nothing is working I would look at your treatment providers. That your pdoc won't give you something to help your insomnia seems odd. Are you on other meds? It sounds like you would benefit from an antidepressant.

Perhaps your therapist is not an effective one for you. I've been in therapy with a therapist who is excellent and it's a world of difference between that kind of therapeutic relationship and one in which the therapy is just...flat...like flat soda.

I agree with Laurie

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by Marla500

You are going through so muchI wish I had some good advice for you. There was a time in my life when I was going through an almost unbearable amount of stress and people would tell me things would get better. And I guess the thought of that did help. But eventually things did get better. Is there anything you can do now to relieve some of the stress? Is there anything you like to do that helps you forget about everything for a while?

Thanks a lot. It doesn't feel as if things will get better, and it doesn't help that my family has been struggling since before I was born. It's quite difficult. I recently took up piano lessons and that helps me get away from everything for a little while. It's one of the few things I'm passionate about.

Originally Posted by dexter

{{{{{strarryprince}}}}}

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I can't answer that. I could, but it wouldn't be helpful nor insightful.

I'm reading, though and I'll keep reading. If I find an answer to the question, I'll let you know.

Thanks a lot. I will do some reading of my own.

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

When nothing is working I would look at your treatment providers. That your pdoc won't give you something to help your insomnia seems odd. Are you on other meds? It sounds like you would benefit from an antidepressant.

Perhaps your therapist is not an effective one for you. I've been in therapy with a therapist who is excellent and it's a world of difference between that kind of therapeutic relationship and one in which the therapy is just...flat...like flat soda.

I was actually on antidepressants and they were either 1) helpful but I had bad side effects like seizures that sent me to the ER or 2) not helpful at all. So that's why my pdoc gave me Lamictal. He said the side effects on Lamictal are minimal and he said, since it's more of a mood stabilizer, it may help me since the antidepressants aren't helping me much. I've tried SSRIs, which weren't helpful at all. In fact, they made me feel worse. Atypical antidepressants helped the most and I felt so much better on them, but the side effects were brutal, so I had to stop them.

I am also wondering why my pdoc doesn't give me sleeping pills. He never gave me an explanation.

I need a therapist who is a bit more structured than the one I have now. One who will actually give me "homework" and things like that. I think my current therapist sees me as more stable, so she doesn't do that. I am trying to find another therapist who I can connect with but I haven't had much luck so far.

Originally Posted by Verumondo

That is a lot to go through. I wish I could help more directly somehow. :c

When therapy isn't working, I go on forums like these to meet people and make friends and try to get more support in general. Otherwise, I avoid most social media. I do this until I get a new therapist (though right now I'm not in therapy at all, and haven't been for some time).

I recently found out that there are community mental health centers that offer therapy if you don't have insurance. Nobody ever told me about that before, and I assume it doesn't come up much for other people either. I don't know if you have any that are local to you, but maybe one would be an alternative to your current therapist.

I do the same things you do. I try to avoid social media and going on this forum helps me a lot. I will look into any community mental health centers where I live. I currently go to a counseling center and they accept my insurance so I don't have to pay anything. But my current therapist isn't helping as much as she used to. I think I have progressed a bit and I need something else.

[wiretwister]

I had to stop taking my lamictal at night ... was messing with my sleep ... but it is a good med and has helped a lot with depression and anxeity ... good luck ... hope you feel better soon ....

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

I had to stop taking my lamictal at night ... was messing with my sleep ... but it is a good med and has helped a lot with depression and anxeity ... good luck ... hope you feel better soon ....

I actually take Lamictal at night! That may be why my insomnia has become so bad...I'll try taking it in the morning and seeing if that helps. Thanks so much for commenting! Good luck to you as well!

[Marla500]

Hang in there starryprince, we are here for you

[catnip123]

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. Sorry to see that your long time cat passed away. A few months after my 18 year old cat passed away I started volunteering at a local cat shelter. It helped me feel better - getting out of my normal routine to do something for others felt good. Plus playing with the cats is a lot of fun.
Maybe that's something you could look into to help you get through this tough time.
I ended up adopting one of the cats after about 1 month of volunteering.