[subtle lights]

I just read another article along the lines of "I was down but got support and now I'm okay. You can do this, you should fight"

I'm so sick of this. I think there is really something wrong with me. I don't want to fight. Just the thought of fighting my way back to "real life" makes me cringe.

And then that person said that he has always had some specific dreams and he was going to achieve them but lost it for a moment. Then he came back on track.

Amazing. Really. But I have never been "on track". There is no "track" for me. I've always been jumping from one thing to another and then get dissapointed or felt incompetent and out of place.

I have never had a stable sense of self. Fleeting moments of self confidence but the basis is missing.
It's no freaking track for me, there is nothing stable.A few years ago I said to myself, I'll accept mysef with my ever changing personality, beliefs and worldview. But I broke down.

Just the thought of "fighting to get better" makes me want to stay in bed forever or worse.
To get back to play roles in a society that I never felt I belong to. Thanks, I don't want to fight for that.

Sorry this was so negative

[Fuzzybear]

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you feel this way..

[Qwerty Cat]

I feel the same way... Sorry that wasn't helpful.

The thing is....who would read an article that basically says "this sucks and it has for my entire life and I can't fight it"?

Success stories sell. People want to hear how to get healthy, thin, young, beautiful, sexy, rich...

So. It's not that I don't LIKE success stories and feel that I won't learn anything from them, because I just might.....but I know they aren't the norm.

Give yourself a break, subtle lights. Sometimes all you can do is wake up. And that is your success for the day.

[feeshee]

Lights.....thank you for your honesty.

[wiretwister]

just look deep and find you ... that is where you are ... we all want to be "normal" ... but just what is your normal ... we all want to be stable ... what does that mean ... we are where we are ... period ... start there ... no one has the right to tell you where your going but yourself ...

I would write ... journel ... document where you are now ... how you feel ... your dreams ... your fears ... just whatever you feel or think of ... use that as a reference ... take a good look ...

when you are clear about who .. what .. and where in life you are .... then ... maybe a plan ... maybe not ... your decision ... if it is not your decision you will have no chance of following thru ... it must start with and from yourself ... good luck my friend ... your journey is yours alone ... a unique path ... tread it proudly ... with you always ... remember we are all here for you .. Tigger.

[RainyDay107]

I have no answers but I want to let that I relate and I'm sending hugs.

[Clara22]

Maybe this is about the difference between a mild depression and a severe depression. I think that people having a mild depression are the majority of the ones that have this type of "enlightening experience": "I was depressed in darkness and then I saw the light". But we, the ones with severe depression, we know depression (evil depression) will be with us, always. To me depression is like an undeveloped twin I have attached to my back, sometimes I forget about this backpack and move faster. Sometimes the backpack feels super heavy and I can barely move. Sometimes I am the backpack. I am all backpack.
I don't know even if this makes any sense, but I wanted to share it with you

[MtnTime2896]

Well, I don't know what to say here because I really relate to this. Before a heavy dose of psychosis mixed with SI and flashbacks; I wasn't much. That time in my life, only reason I didn't want to die was because almost dying was normal and it was impulse to live.

If that's my "track", I want to stay derailed.