My new support worker is a little on the annoying side!

My social worker found me support from another agency, but I only work with this one guy from Morocco just now. Currently, I get 6 hours of support from this man each week. One day is for 3 hours. Usually it's from 11 to 2. The other day is normally the same. He is due to go on holiday soon, so I want to try working with somebody else as a trial, because he keeps nipping my head all the time.

He starts his work schedule early in the mornings, and has multiple shifts with people before he meets me. He told me he got up at 6 one day and didn't eat his breakfast until 10, which is pretty silly. Not eating can hamper one's focus. Today for example, I suggested he either have something to eat on the go or get a rucksack which ain't even heavy, and pack his lunch in a small plastic tub like most intelligent people should do. You know? You can fill a flask with soup or water and the flask keeps it warm. Or you can put in a packet of oatcakes, with a little cheese, throw in a few herbal teabags, and make a sandwich to eat before bed, and put it in the fridge. These are suggestions, but he just doesn't care. He said soup is for at night, but whatever.

If what he says is correct, he has to see probably 3 or 4 other clients before he sees me, and then several more afterwards, which means he gets home late. On Wednesday for example, our shift started at 11 and finished at 2. But he needed to get a bus across the bridge to Fife in Scotland to see someone at 3 and I think he was due to support several others after that shift ended as well. So I got the impression he wanted to stay central in town rather than hop on a bus which meant he clearly stalled by going into nearby charity shops so we would miss the bus, but there was nothing to do.

He wanted to go to the council to pay his tax, and I told him I cannot go over road bridges because I am not a lover of heights. This is something he can easily arrange to sort out if he gets time off work. I've also got no interest in just playing pool with him either. If it's a nice day, we should be able to go for a nice stroll somewhere, yet even if it's cloudy with no rain scheduled, he complains it's too cold when it's not cold at all, and it just wastes time. In general though, he displays little enthusiasm in anything I say, or he just does not absorb information properly, and I noticed as well that he does not feel content to just do what I ask of him. He said he's the kind of guy who prefers going around different spots. Like if we go to have a hot chocolate in Costa, he then wants to go on a bus to someplace else which is the same sort of environment. But why bother?

Today, I asked him to see me at 11 at Asda when I sent him a text message this morning, because where I wanted to go for a walk is actually quite close to there. So if we had to meet near my house and get a bus to the area, the shift is only around 3 hours, not counting the time for heading back, which probably makes it only something like maybe 2 hours at a push. And so it made more sense to arrange to meet him directly next to Asda at 11 instead of getting a bus together at 11 which really felt silly to me, as it wasted around 40 minutes. But then he rabbited on about how the 'care plan' states we have to meet near where I reside, which I don't think is true. Even when we were in the park, I wanted to find a vintage grotto, and he just kept talking about looking for the exit, so he had no interest in my activity of choice whatsoever.

Even last week, he was incredibly annoying. We got a bus to a road near my friend's house, but there's another number of bus you can get which takes you marginally closer, like a few more bus stops. So he started moaning about having to walk down a street which took about a few minutes, tops. I'd planned on doing some filming on my iPhone, but he kept asking me to meet my friend by calling him, and I said I'd do it later because I just wanted to shoot a scene where I walked from the bus stop to the underpass close to the nearby pathway. It's not rocket science. Then he wanted to get a bus to the other Asda that day, and it was pointless. He also poured slush Vimto into a cup, didn't like the look of it, and asked if I wanted it. Once you squirt the liquid from the machine, you have to pay for it. He's just a tool.

What do you think of this guy? He's a kebab. Right?

Hmm...yes, he sounds like perhaps he's not totally dedicated to his job. I'm sorry.

Hi Peter

I'd say........put in a complaint about lots of that ASAP!!!
Some things might be "misjudgements" from him but he is clearly behaving unprofessionally and breaching professional boundaries in a lot of that too!!!
The eating thing is going to be his choice assuming that there is no proof it's effecting his work performance and everyone has their own preferences..........although I've got to say that it was very considerate of you to have that concern for him and offer him suggestions
I'd say that it would be good if you could get a copy of the care plan the support workers read too, because things in there might be inaccurate (although don't excuse a lot of the things he did!!) and you can then suggest additions you would like in there as well.
Just a few thoughts...........

Alison

Well, I can see that working a lot of hours can make people tired because there is a lot of clients to see, so he probably isn't getting much of a break before the next shift is due to start. Co-workers of his are probably having to stay off work due to illnesses, so there's a lot of hours to fulfill. Until I've done what he's done, I cannot really say I know the meaning of hard work. He calls me lazy if I say I'm in my bed at 10 in the morning, though.

How is that laziness, exactly? I've got nowhere to go, and really no weekly plan of any sort since I don't have a social life. I'm actually feeling depressed a lot as well. You know why that is. Nobody gets over what I've gone through 100% because those pieces of trash (namely, Sara and Joanna) really screwed up my life before. To tell you the truth, I feel like most of my life has ended up being a pure waste in any case, because of my ex-girlfriend, the Internet, and all these other morons out there who have been jerking me around.

For starters, if you saw the state of my family's house (which looks like a pigsty by this point), you would agree with me. It's time to get my own place, but it's not that simple. You have to bid on council properties for many months, and sometimes the end result isn't the greatest.

It's also taken me so long to get that monkey off my back (the court supervisor who was monitoring me) and I've just been getting slandered online behind the scenes recently, so that film directors don't cast me in their movies. I'm only wanting to be an extra in these indie films anyway. The pressure that comes with this type of nonsense ain't worth it.

So I do have a lot on my plate. I'm to a point now in my life where I just need a hassle free existence, and I can see that many people on these forums are going through similar issues where nobody is cutting them any slack. If people aren't on board and showing any interest, what am I supposed to do? If I was to make an exception for how these people behaved, that would make me look weak. People can only get away with this crap if you lower your guard. So I can stand my ground, and not settle for second best. This is really why people take the piss out of me the way they do. I'm not thick, but I do have something going against me (which is autism). It does not give anyone the right to give me grief, like that 80's pop star who muted me on Twitter.

A relatively stress free life is all that I desire now. I'm aware that such a happy life isn't totally possible, but I'd just like to at least be able to chill out more often, and not worry about these trivial things that nobody else even worries about. It should be straight and narrow. Smooth sailing, even. I'm really not asking for too much of people. Am I?

Just to put across how silly he is, he wanted to get on a bus just to go one bus stop from Asda to a row of shops across the street. It's like he can't walk. He worries about his rota too much. And when we were making that film I showed you in the link the other day, he said people would sue him for slander because he was called Omar, yet it's just a fictional name for his character in a short movie nobody cares about. He claims he knows people who make movies back in Morocco, so what exactly is his problem? He ought to know that what I am doing is just drama.

The guy seems clueless about certain ordinary things, if you ask me.

Wow, unfortunatelly aid people often suck, and we need to deal with that. I am very sorry for you, Peter.

Yeah. A lot of them are useless, and it's pointless because most of them don't show much of an interest. That last lot I had in the past were okay, but I don't think they knew much about autism at all. They get basic training, I guess, but they clearly aren't good at handling meltdowns. And clients having crushes on care workers may be inappropriate, but I would hardly define it as being uncommon or really immoral either since we're all still people. Well, from the point of view of say, Sara, it made her feel uneasy. To act the way she did though was very extreme. It's against the rules to date or befriend caregivers, but with the way I got lied to and treated by the very people I trusted just over something silly like that, it seemed that in the end, they were more like the Gestapo and I was just another Jew. What happened to me was pretty awful, but worse incidents have happened. Mister Pain on here for example had people stealing his medication.

For crying out loud, I let my mouth rumble and say someone was fine. That was it. Before I knew it, I was treated like trash, locked up, lied to again, arrested, jailed again, and left to rot, because they portrayed me to be something worse than I am. That is not counting all the times I stayed out in freezing cold temperatures to avoid facing the police, yet it was gonna happen anyway.

I think it's hard to find friends even if you are not on the spectrum, so it's good to have at least one care worker around if they are competent, even though I'm not physically disabled, and perhaps I'm getting hours better suited to someone who truly needs the time. But I think this guy needs a nap between his shifts, and he's not getting that due to his schedule. Maybe I should just humor him, and do what he wants from now on. At least I'm still getting to have his company. It's only 6 hours a week anyway. So it works out 3 hours each day.

It's not really fair that I have to please him, though. And by the way, he added me on Facebook. That is also not allowed. It's not that I mind, but I don't think support workers are supposed to send friend requests on social media. It's just some rule. When I got support from Autism Initiatives, nobody was allowed to add me on Facebook. The workers were all giving work email addresses anyway, and mobile numbers.

Is he an educated person? What is his education level? Maybe he is not that sophisticated

Maybe he's an insensitive idiot...

Educated or not.. in the uk... the "support" given can be "sub optimal"

In my humble opinion

I have no idea. My mother does not know why he acts like this if he has been in Scotland for a long time. He should be used to the cold climate. Morocco must be hotter. All he does is complain, and I do think he is feeling too tired and not getting enough to eat. Of course, I'm the "lazy" one for not understanding he gets up earlier than I do.

I'm not racist or xenophobic, so it shouldn't matter what nationality a support worker is. But I think if I'm to continue working with this guy, he has to be on board. I'm not pressuring him to do anything. I'm usually very laid back. The only day that was not good for him was when I had to stand in front of Edinburgh Castle; I was in a short film, and it was not expected. Film crew are in town for that new Marvel film as well, so we couldn't do it in the closes between the road, and they decided we would shoot the scene there. I'm keen to be in that Marvel film too, but there's nothing to apply for on Universal Extras, and the only remaining date for this month in Edinburgh is 21 April. Maybe they'll come back. I've no idea what is going on.

But in general, he just acts like he cannot be bothered. It's not much fun if he keeps this up.

You are not a racist but acknowledge cultural differences. In my country and the country of your support worker people with disabilities are considered lesser people. Perhaps this guy acts as he was making you a favor and not acknowledge you as a costumer with customer rights. Just saying

Ok, i am not saying that all uneducated people deal with disabled people as we are trash. For example, the nanny of Gaby Brimmer treated Gaby as a full person. I do not know if you know the story of Gaby Brimmer. She was a Mexican woman with cerebral palsy who was truly amazing

If you have the chance, see the movie https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaby:_A_True_Story

Well, my last ever key worker at Autism Initiatives was a Spanish woman. I liked her a lot. It is tough for me to really talk about her any more without getting sad and angry in equal amounts, due to what happened. But yeah, she was lovely when I first met her.

One time, I had this embarrassing problem I will not go into, as it is perhaps not appropriate to talk about with any young members, but she was there to support me as I got blood taken, and I said she was like an angel on my shoulder. But as hurtful as it is to say this, she never was an angel and I unfortunately have to take back any nice comments bestowed upon her, because she is a traitor. She was only out to hurt me by the end of it all. There was some other good shifts I had with her too. We also planned on going cycling, which sadly never happened.

I am not sure how or when the turn even happened as it is hard to piece together when everything occurred or why it happened how it did, but I think I had an indirect part in splitting us up. For a start, this guy who is a service user was berating me or something, and during this Facebook feud we had, I showed him a link to some page about me with stuff about me being this and that. Much of it is fabricated, but it is still a bit on the crazy side.

Well, I get easily annoyed. He must have told her stuff which spooked her since he knew she was my key worker, and I do not know if she noticed I had feelings for her, but I did say things to other support workers which certainly must have been repeated to her. When she did finally reveal she knew I had a crush on her, she was like a different person from that day forward. It was like she was suddenly evil or something. She definitely was not the same Sara any longer. Well, I lost that other lady before for somewhat similar issues with the boundaries, so all these incidents and talking going on just must have got to her mentally. Maybe she thought the attention from me was too much, but it is still odd for someone to act like that over being misconstrued. If that is what this actually is.

Like I said, it is hard for me to talk about it any more without feeling anxious. But time can heal a lot of wounds. For me, I just take each day as it comes. You never know who or what may be around the next corner.

That is true. You never know. But at the end of the day, these experiences should teach us something about the world and about ourselves to be able to have a better future

I have a shift with him today. He keeps sending me text messages asking me if 'I'm there' and we aren't supposed to be meeting until 11 this morning. It's only just after 20 past ten. Meh.