[arnie91]

So normally I post in the anxiety threads because that's my main issue, but my anxiety has been out of control for too long that I am now in a state of depression. I've been here before too. And I know when it happens because the thoughts start. The bad thoughts. Like maybe I'll get in a car accident and hurt myself bad enough I won't have to work today. Or I'll wake up in a good mood and think to myself "whoa, slow down on the happy, because when your day turns to **** you will feel foolish for having felt so good." All my anxiety and depression is from work stress and idk what to do about it. I actually just left a job that made my anxiety and depression out of control. And this new job was suppose to be better. I left to work for a wonderful, nice boss. And she is. But that's the thing.... I have fear and anxiety that I will do something wrong and disappoint her. I have a general fear about disappointing anyone. And when stuff does go wrong, my fault or not, I go into a spiral of depression and self hate. And it's bad. Friday I had to go to the bathroom probably 6 or 7 times throughout my day to cry in private. My next step is to go to my doctor to discuss my depression/anxiety medications and I may want to look into finding a therapist. But idk how much that'll cost and me and my boyfriend want to buy a house in the near future. Which is also stressing me out because it makes me feel stuck in this job that is giving me major emotional issues because I need a job right now for a mortgage approval

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Anxiety and depression are often co-morbid conditions. That is a good idea about finding a therapist and seeing your pdoc to help you review your meds. You might want to start looking for a new job.

I just wanted to lend my support and let you know you're not alone. I'm here if you need to talk.

[arnie91]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Anxiety and depression are often co-morbid conditions. That is a good idea about finding a therapist and seeing your pdoc to help you review your meds. You might want to start looking for a new job.

I just wanted to lend my support and let you know you're not alone. I'm here if you need to talk.

Thank you for the support. Looking for a new job of course gives me anxiety because if I left I would disappoint my boss who I also consider a friend and that would just destroy my mind. But I am working on a new venture out of desperation in hopes to leave my job and work for myself which I would feel less guilty about because I feel my boss would be happy for me pursuing my dreams. It's just going to be a long way in the making and I need a solution for my poor spinning mind in the meantime. I've never spoken to a therapist and it kind of scares me but I think it may be a good idea for me.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by arnie91

Thank you for the support. Looking for a new job of course gives me anxiety because if I left I would disappoint my boss who I also consider a friend and that would just destroy my mind. But I am working on a new venture out of desperation in hopes to leave my job and work for myself which I would feel less guilty about because I feel my boss would be happy for me pursuing my dreams. It's just going to be a long way in the making and I need a solution for my poor spinning mind in the meantime. I've never spoken to a therapist and it kind of scares me but I think it may be a good idea for me.

I wish you the best of luck.

Originally Posted by arnie91

Or I'll wake up in a good mood and think to myself "whoa, slow down on the happy, because when your day turns to **** you will feel foolish for having felt so good."

That is something I can relate to very well. I feel that way a whole lot. I've been having some anxiety and depression myself lately because of the new company takeover, which by June 1st, there's supposed to be some changes. And last week I heard that someone had said that I don't work hard enough.

The part about the quote, I think that it may have come from my parents. Back then when I was feeling great, they would manage to come up with something that will make me turn my mood around. When I felt great, they would tell me to take it easy, and then come up with something that would make me feel pretty bad.

[subtle lights]

I am sorry you're going through this. I can totally relate to the fear of disappointing people, I have that almost constantly. Even when I write here. I think we might have very unreasonable expectations towards ourselves, self compassion would help, but right now that doesn't work for me either.
I hope you'll find a good therapist that will help you with this.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by arnie91

I have a general fear about disappointing anyone. And when stuff does go wrong, my fault or not, I go into a spiral of depression and self hate.

Similar here. Inside is a powerful urge (need?) to take responsibility for anything that goes wrong no matter what.

My depression and anxiety are tightly interwoven. In my case, therapy has helped but little if at all. I wish you well in whatever steps you take to manage.

[Fuzzybear]

[MickeyCheeky]

Sorry you're struggling.. wish you good luck with the steps you're making. You can do it

[mountainstream]