sometimes i wonder if a little love is all we need

I see...I meant actually a lot of empathy and feelings...and needs for emotional bonding with the parents...which somehow doesn't happen. I believe empathy (especially feeling and detecting the parent's reactions) can be quite strong in some of these cases..

Now it kind of sounds like you are speaking of an empath that came from a CEN background. (I'm not critisizing or etc - just very intrigued by your response and trying to understand it correctly)

Yeah, I can relate to this description, I think...Though I've never thought of it as CEN...

Ok. Thank you.

Up until 11 months ago, my mental illness issues were "functional", means i had a shot at a normal life. I was getting a graduate degree, and acing it. Had offers from two firms, 6 months before i was supposed to graduate. Which isn't easy in this economy, especially if you have depression and anxiety. and no support from family and friends. But there was a catch to those job offers. The first year is sort of like being a barely paid intern. So as much as i needed to get away from my family ( which has nothing to offer but cruelty and pain), i needed their money to finance my first year. But my parents had other plans for me.

They refused to support me financially even though they are really well off. and
i've been under house arrest for last 11 months coz my parents believe i'm possessed by a spirit. They don't even talk to me. My mother comes into my room once every two weeks with some "stuff" that needs to be touched by my hand so that they can throw that in the river to get rid of the spirit. That's my primary treatment. She walks in, i touch whatever "it" is and then she leaves, no words. Nothing. I do visit my P doc every two weeks, she knows everything. Its all about pills with her, not a lot of room for emotions or heart to heart. Not that i blame her. Thats her job. Its not her fault im in this situation. she is helping me the only way she can.

I haven't had a human interaction with anyone during this time. 11 months of living inside my head. Thoughts, and thoughts, just an endless sea of thoughts. Drowning in them. Waiting to be rescued. Knowing all the while that No one's coming to save me. I dont think "a good dinner" will help me. P.s my intent for writing this threat was not hurt or harm any one. But i apologise if i did.

Not sure how you could have hurt or harmed anyone by this. I could be wrong - but it sounds to me like your parents are being spiritually, emotionally, and (possibly) psychologically abusive to you. Is there any way you can move out and maybe get a place of your own - even if you need to be on financial assistance for a time?

and when a person says he's "wondering" asks "what if", it means he doesn't know better, ( in case thats lost on any one) . It most definitely was not an attempt to "harm". I'm just lost, and trying to find answers, or something resembling it.

if there was a way, i would have found it. but it all boils down to money. Need money to survive. They have it. i don't. They took away my chance to get a job and finally be free of them, get, make a life of my own. I'm skilled, if i can get well enough ( mentally) i'll figure out some other way to get employed. But it isnt easy getting well in this situation. but im trying.

Sometimes there is financial help designed specifically for the mentally or emotionally impaired, or there is also homeless shelters - and those generally have all sorts of programs available to you once you are resident with them for a certain length of time

Love, its absence and presence can make and break even the strongest of us. We see it everyday. we've been there ourselves. All im saying here is, maybe, just maybe, there are people out there who need love more than meds. I definitely am not suggesting anyone to stop taking meds. im not stopping mine. why would i suggest anyone else to do that.

Is the idea that love can be larger than meds, really so inconceivable, that you feel threatened by it?

I see some people too wrote about meds being necessary for recovery. To them i just want to politely say that please read the entire thread before commenting. Did i, or did i not mention, "I' agree that there is a vital, indispensable place for all these psychiatric tools in treating mental illness. I definitely don't deny that." I wouldn't even be writing this thread if it wasn't for the meds.

where is the harm? show me the harm?
Is it the Doctors playing God with our lives part? coz they kinda do, dont they, in both good ways and bad. A doctor who was supposed to be brilliant misdiagnosed me with bipolar 2 for 7 months, while my real issue anxiety left untreated for so many months got really really worse. They play god with our lives. its not a judgement. Its a fact. I stand by it. Yet i need them, we need them. Nothing wrong with that. So i continue to find help any place i can. we all should.

Harm is the last thing i want to cause to anyone in this world. There's is already plenty of it out there. Dont want to add to it. i hope you understand that.

I wish we had that. but im afraid India doesn't have the resources for it.

Oh, sunnydisposition!

I feel so sorry for you! What you tell about your family's reaction to your illness (possessed) is terrible. I cannot understand why your P-doc allows it. How old are you? I mean do you have to live with your family? Is there a Psychologist (not Psychiatrist) near you? Many Psychiatrists thinks mediation is the only option, while Psychologists talk to you and try to understand your situation (and allows your doc to prescribe medication as well).

How is the law in the state you are living? Is it legal according to the law for parents to treat their offspring as possessed? Is it legal according to the law for a psychiatrist to know about such faulty behavior without telling the police?

I hope there will be a good solution to this ...

I agree with that!

I'm sorry, I don't understand your question. I cannot see that it relates to what I wrote.

sunny---what kinds of problems are you having....what is helping with your problems right now....what is going to work for YOU...
i need to add that I am a very big hypochondriac....

Wow.. I did not even realize you are in India. I do not know much about India, so can't help you find resources - wish I could.

Do you have any friends that can help?

Cant bite the hand that feeds me by going to the law. plus the law, means squat around here.

I was confused, still am, as to what was that i wrote that led you to believe i may cause harm to you. But lets just forget about the whole thing. Lets talk about hope, love, and the spirit of humanity.

Some may need a lot more love and care. I agree. Is it so hard to give? IDK.

Health anxiety is my primary concern. depression secondary. But every now and then they trade places Depression becomes primary and anxiety secondary. I love running. Always have. I can shake off the most resilient and most severe of depression once i start my running routine. That is if i can get to the track. Can't say what's going to work for me. A miracle maybe? No such thing i suppose. Fighting is all i know. So fight i will. Till i can. Maybe it'll get easier one day.

I have a friend in hungary. He was my roommate for just 3 weeks during a short summer training when he visited India. He asked so i shared some of what's been going on with me. And he says, come live with me. says don't worry about the money. Invited me to live in his house. Says he can help me get a job there and get settled permanently. and help with my recovery and everything. One hell of a gesture from a stranger who knows me for 3 weeks. He doesn't have a job yet. So i dont want to impose on his family. So that's something i cant consider as of now. He's actually visiting india with his whole family right now. He'll start looking for a job next month when he gets back home.

It would be rather dangerous to go that distance after only knowing one another 3wks anyway. Even if he is on the "up and up" and doesn't have any ulterior motive, living with someone is much more difficult than knowing them from afar...

ive been depressed before in the past. But the moment i step into the outside world away from my home i usually get better really quick. My family is a very dark place to be. I was just thinking about visiting him for a couple of months. A vocation. Maybe get a chance to laugh again. Get my strength back.

He's not really a stranger. We're pretty close for someone who've stayed together for 3 weeks. We stayed in touch. A whole bunch of us. He is like one of those rare people you meet full of zest and life, and i think spending some time with some positive people for a change will do me good. Anyways its not like im leaving right away. And i hear you, your concern is valid. But when the brain is depressed, we gotta give it something to hold on to. Even if its a fairy tale.

Vacation is a good idea... Just wouldn't move in just yet

Yes, we can forget about it, but I want to add that I never believed that you could harm me in any way. You must have misunderstood somthing I wrote.

Agree with that!