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#1
May 01, 2017, 11:20 AM
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It eats away at me all of the ****ing time, anymore. I feel like I'm barely hanging on by a thread (sort of pun intended, I gotta lighten up this post somehow).
Everything that happened when I was a kid... maybe they were right. Maybe I am just no good and a terrible person. Why else would those things have happened? I deserve punishment. I deserve every damn bit of it. (Trigger): I can't punish myself and let myself bleed until after my oncology appointment tomorrow, at least. And if I don't punish myself, 'they' will instead and I know I deserve it, but I'd rather have physical punishment than the psychological torment. Why did I leave that place? Maybe I should go back. It's what I deserve.... ****! Just let these memories and thoughts stop... I need it to stop...
__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
 BrownHat22, Fuzzybear, MickeyCheeky, mulan, Rohag, subtle lights, whisperingskye
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#2
May 01, 2017, 11:29 AM
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(((((So leigheas)))))
Sorry you are in so much pain  I'm here if you want to talk about it, or anything at all.
__________________
Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin |
| MtnTime2896
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 MtnTime2896
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#3
May 01, 2017, 11:30 AM
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I've also felt punished and as though I deserve it. I still punish myself in some ways. I hope your oncology appointment goes well. I'm sorry for what you are going through.
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| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#4
May 01, 2017, 12:14 PM
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 I don't feel like you deserve punishment at all.. but I'm sorry you're feeling the way you do.
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| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#5
May 01, 2017, 01:46 PM
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((((((( So leigheas )))))))
I'm sorry you're in so much pain I don't think you deserve to be punished
__________________
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| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#6
May 01, 2017, 03:47 PM
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I understand the guilt and i understand the shame. However the guilt and shame you feel is what has been imposed on you by others. It is not your fault, although I am very aware it often feels that way.
You do not deserve punishment. Not at all, although I appreciate sometimes it's all we know. Hang in there. We care.
__________________
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing" |
| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#7
May 01, 2017, 04:05 PM
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I don't think you deserve it...at all. But I can relate somewhat. I'm sorry you're in such pain. I hope your appointment will go well
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| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#8
May 01, 2017, 06:34 PM
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Thank you everyone. Today's just been difficult, more than even the past couple weeks. I appreciate you all.
"I don't want to fall, fall away." -(guess) Twenty One Pilots, 'Fall Away'.
__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
| Fuzzybear, Rohag
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