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#1
May 11, 2017, 01:47 PM
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My shame started with being "wrong" and "failing" to be born "properly"..
The mother stopped pushing.. she shut down (maybe ambivalent about giving birth or already regretting ..) I was "taken out" with forceps, I was "taken away" to a "special" ward or something.. This would not have helped with bonding.. "Bonding" was sub optimal throughout childhood and at a certain age I realised .. how much I "should be ashamed" ..how the family was not a "close family" - more so than I had realised.. This bear was "shunned" And I internalised all the messages of "Fuzzybear is... Bad Evil Always wrong Not good enough Failure Guilty (always.. no matter what I did or didn't do) Ugly Worthless Dirty    Please don't tell me that all parents do the best they can.. 
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 Anonymous37936, Anonymous50284, Anonymous57777, Bill3, June55, little turtle, MtnTime2896, never. happy, newday2020, Rohag, subtle lights, Sunflower123, whisperingskye
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#2
May 11, 2017, 02:04 PM
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  ((((((( Fuzzybear! ))))))) Some parents eat their children.  
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My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| Fuzzybear, little turtle
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 Fuzzybear
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#3
May 11, 2017, 02:06 PM
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"Failing to be born properly" oh fuzzy, that was never ever your fault. You shouldn't feel any shame about that. And if you have been told otherwise then that person is very very wrong..
That list of messages, none of those are true either. You are such a kind, loving friendly bear, and I'm honoured to call you my friend. And Iwould never say that about parents. Parents do what suits them best while pretending it's best for everyone. (((((((Fuzzybear))))))))
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Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin |
| Fuzzybear, little turtle, Rohag
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| Fuzzybear
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#4
May 11, 2017, 02:41 PM
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Quote:
 
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sometimes crimson acts like a crazy cat, She has to remind herself, she is good and kind ... For that's a fact. 😺 like a small boat on the ocean , sending big waves into motion like how a single word, can make a heart open, I might have only one match But i can make an Explosion ! Rachel. Platten. Fight song. Member since 03/10/09 (new user name) |
| Fuzzybear, little turtle, never. happy, Rohag, subtle lights
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| Fuzzybear
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#5
May 11, 2017, 02:45 PM
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But we see you as...
Brilliant Enigmatic Always wonderful Naturally generous & embracing Friendly Gorgeous Unique Worth It Deserving (((hugs)))
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To the world you might be just one person; but to one person you might be the world. |
| Fuzzybear, little turtle, Rohag
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| Angelique67, Fuzzybear, Rohag, whisperingskye
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#6
May 11, 2017, 02:56 PM
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fuzzy it is good that you are talking more about your feelings of shame...you can say whatever you want...we need to share our pain
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| Fuzzybear
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| Fuzzybear, Rohag
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#7
May 11, 2017, 03:20 PM
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Right there with you, (((((Fuzzybear)))))
My mother told me how big and fat I was in the incubator compared to all the tiny preemies (I was born with a blood disorder and had to have my blood exchanged - 13 transfusions in all) |
| Fuzzybear, little turtle, never. happy, Rohag, subtle lights
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| Fuzzybear
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#8
May 12, 2017, 11:56 AM
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Quote:
 And I totally agree with this I don't know how and when the pain will fade, maybe the suffering will be lessened when we open up and let the pain out, but it's not your fault if you can't. You already talking about it, this is what kills the toxic shame, to be let out, because inside us it's like poison. So, let it out and talk hovewer much you need. Or, just scream it out. Or cry it out. And it's not your fault, just know that.
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| Fuzzybear, little turtle
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| Fuzzybear
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#9
May 13, 2017, 09:08 AM
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Quote:
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| Fuzzybear
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| Fuzzybear
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#10
May 13, 2017, 11:19 AM
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Hi Fuzzy
You're not convincing us that excuse for "faulty" parents!!!  And as you know, I say that there are no excuses Apart from, in no way was that your fault..........some other parents may develop even more of a bond with their child after a birth like that........having the worries/the fears, the "What if............"s, truely realising how fragile and precious theiir child is at that moment...........bringing out the caring instincts etc..........and the experience and recovery can even help them value their child even more than they may have. Your parents were "faulty", and every negative thing they told you about yourself was "faulty" because we know that you are none of those things. Fuzzy, you really have none of that to be ashamed about, the shame should lie with them Alison |
| Fuzzybear
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| Fuzzybear
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#11
May 13, 2017, 09:30 PM
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| Fuzzybear
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| Fuzzybear
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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