[whisperingskye]

That seems to be the question I ask myself the most.

Try to look after myself. Why bother?
Take my meds. Why bother?
Schedule another therapy appointment. Why bother?
Go to work and do a good job. Why bother?
Do things I enjoy/see friends. Why bother?

Why bother with anything? Why bother when almost every moment is filled with thoughts of suicide? Why even bother keeping on when I could just give up now? I feel so done, with everything. I don't want to be here anymore. I do not want to live anymore.

Why bother to keep on breathing? There isn't a place for me in this world.

[Fuzzybear]

I care about you ..

But the why bother message was "rammed down my throat" by sub optimal "care givers" since early childhood

I hope you can turn this around..

Maybe if we support each other, we can..

I don't have much faith in the "medical community" out there as my experiences have been beyond sub optimal

Because you are depressed (perhaps you weren't given positive messages growing up?) you are not seeing how special you are. I know you work in customer service (been there). For people without extreme self confidence--the work can be triggering/make you feel worthless. But things do not remain the same forever. You deserve to enjoy some good times too. If you can manage to force yourself to take care of yourself, maybe someday, something good will happen to you. We can only hope....<<hugs>>

[Sunflower123]

Because there might just be light at the end of the tunnel and it might be around a corner out of sight. Do you think your meds need to be reviewed to give you some relief? I think there is a place for you....you just might not know it yet. I've been through this and won't be hypocritical and say it will miraculously change in a second but you have to hold on and fight. You're too valuable. Thinking of you....

[mountainstream]

[wiretwister]

feel your pain ... my sole reason to keep going is to provide money to my family ... my life 100% work ... then crashing at home ... with my lamical so far it has been enough ...

now that I am no longer si it seems almost hard to remember being so ... it can change ... was and is lamictal for me ... keep trying ... something will work one day if you just persavere ... I believe it ... so it's so ... ..

[Skeezyks]

[Fuzzybear]

Wouldn't it be great if there was some magic "medication" bullet for each of us.

Sadly it isn't so. Too bad for those few who literally can't tolerate meds

Nevertheless, I keep trying and I hope you do too (((( whisperingskye )))))

[GreenBlueRed]

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

There isn't a place for me in this world.

There isn't one for any of us. Living things have been forcing themselves on a desolate world since the beginning. Our existence is already fragile, but that fact is masked by our extensive social and physical support systems devised to keep a good number of lucky humans from dying every day.

You continue to reach out to this system, and you are a part of it. You have already made a place, and that place will continue to be there even when you are not. You have a right to it just as much as anyone else. You have a right to it even if it feels so black.

I hope you choose to continue bothering; that you find a moment of peace in life that reminds you that it can be better. I have been thinking of you today. I will continue thinking of you.

[whisperingskye]

Thank you everyone. Last night was a really bad night. I don't even know what happened but I just lost my self control I guess, all voices of reason were not getting through. I am in a "safe place" currently waiting to be assessed...that will decide if I get to go home or they admit me to hospital. Really hoping I get to go home. I need to go home!

[Sunflower123]

I'm really glad to hear you're getting some help and hopefully relief as well. Best wishes.

[MtnTime2896]

Whether it be home or admittance, I hope you get the help you need. You've been fighting alone for a while, fren. It's an exhausting feat.

Update when you can. I really hope things go okay.

[whisperingskye]

I am home. They are apparently going to be telling my care coordinator to get in touch asap and arrange appointments and sort stuff out I guess. For now I'm just relieved that they let me go.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

I am home. They are apparently going to be telling my care coordinator to get in touch asap and arrange appointments and sort stuff out I guess. For now I'm just relieved that they let me go.

If you are relieved, then as am I. It's also a very good idea to get appointments and such in order.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

I am home. They are apparently going to be telling my care coordinator to get in touch asap and arrange appointments and sort stuff out I guess. For now I'm just relieved that they let me go.

why does it always take a "crisis" to be given any "help"

Sad for those who slip through the cracks of the "system" (uk)

[whisperingskye]

I'd like to say it was a one off, but this is the way it always goes for me... I seem to be doing ok, support dramatically reduces or stops altogether, I end up in crisis, suddenly I seem to have constant appointments while they attempt to get me out of crisis mode, I might improve slightly, or they think I do and support reduces once again and the cycle continues.

It's been much worse for the last couple of years when it comes to lack of support. They used to be better at staying on the ball...

[subtle lights]