My Dad Died Yesterday

I'm listening.

This hurts so much. I went through it with my grandma just over 5 years ago, but that was different. This is so much worse.

I keep crying in "spurts", and then I will feel numb again, only to have another "spurt".

I was feeling stronger this morning and like I might be able to pull through, even though I had 3 or 4 crying spurts. But then my sister happened, then my grandpa showed up, and now my grandma and her husband are out in the living room and talking to my mom, who is already half wasted by 4pm, and I am just so SICK of people!!

LEAVE ME THE *** ALONE!!

I still have to make a list of songs for my dad's funeral and burn them onto a CD by Tuesday!

My mom is smothering me.

She won't give me even an inch to breathe.

Feels like I have to fight for my right to grieve the way I need to.

She is going to kill me.

Sibling rivalries are things that do not seem to go away over time. My sister and I see each other's good points more than we used to, but I do not think we could live together. That is a personal choice each person must make, but from what you said so far, your gut feeling does not seem to be positive. How many times has your sister intervened in your life before? How have those times turned out?

Oh no so sorry to hear you must deal with your mom in her intoxified state. What other options do you have for temporary housing that is away from your mom?

I lost my mother so many years ago now it is insignificant to others, but anytime I hear of things like this, it brings that memory of that pain flooding back in. So many people told us "I am sorry for your loss". Others brought food by our home. The one thing nobody ever did - was just stop, and let us talk with them just as if she were there, let us remember the way things were simply by reenacting it without pretending. It would have helped us learn how to live even without her there. See, that's the thing people forget to remind themselves. A loved one is never really gone. You might forget the appearance, the sound of the voice, the smell..but the memories linger and the impressions they made on you are indelible. All you ever need to do, close your eyes, think of a time when you were with your dad..and it's there again, or take a look at yourself and notice all the ways he influenced you and continue to look to his past advice for your current needs. You will find your Dad is not gone, just not seen nor heard anymore. There are times when I need comfort, I can feel my mother's love. The same will be true for you. The hurt is real and deep. It won't ever go away. I wish I could tell it would - or that I could feed you the line about how it gets easier with time. The truth is, you learn to cope. It's easier to do though if you understand - your Dad did not leave you and you are still loved.

*hugs*

I'm so sorry for your loss

I'm sorry I can't respond in-depth to everybody right now, but I want all of you to know that I deeply appreciate each and every response I have gotten. It is a rough time.

So sorry for your loss. Hold on.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

it is not okay now, but one day it will be.

Breathe.

Don't worry about that. Do what you need to do to make it through each minute. I know its a fog right now. Just be good to yourself and know you are loved. ❤

I am so sorry. I wish you peace and strength

I'm very sorry for your loss, sweetheart. I offer my sincere condolences. God bless you and your family. I know this is a difficult time, but please try and hold on as best you can. You have the support of the forum to help you through it. You are not alone.

Thank you everybody, once again. I cannot tell right now if what I am feeling is peace, or just another round of numbness before the tears hit once more. Tomorrow morning is the funeral. I made the music for the service and I tried to pick only songs I know for a fact he liked. It's going to be rough. None of my family really gets along with each other either, so I worry too about the proverbial mud-slinging that could go on. Regardless, I really need this feeling of strength to stick around for tomorrow, as I'm going to be dealing with a lot.

I am so sorry Qwerty Cat my dad passed away in 2014 we were very close I wish I could say it will get easier and maybe it will for me it has not. I also get the mud slinging within the family. To me funerals bring out the worst in people and it should not be like that.

I hope you have someone to talk to and if not this is a good place to vent and get your frustrations out on it has worked wonders for me. In fact I joined this forum when I lost my dad because I needed the support.

It's ok to cry, it's ok to be mad that he is gone and it's ok to talk to him.

You just need to remember to take care of you and we are here for you.

Good luck

Sending hugs and positive vibes