[Heyitseli]

One day I remember so vividly my sister and her friend were laying down and at that time I was maybe in Jr High.. and we had these bunk beds so I was standing over them
Leaning towards them I forgot what we we're talking about cause it was so long ago... my sister looks up at me and says "look your nose is crooked!" I didn't know how to react or what to say.. so I said "I know" and that's when it hit me I had no idea what she was saying.. back then I didn't care about my looks cause I was just a "kid" but when she said that I went into my restroom and looked at myself and realized how crooked my nose was and I cried so much! I cried about it all the time I asked my Mom what happened to me she said "I don't know you were born that way" I fell to the floor so hard my life changed so much knowing that my face is deformed... I feel ugly all the time I can't take pictures without feeling disgusted... if you want to know how I look I look like I had a cleft palate or cleft lip but with no surgery!!! How can that be?! I'm so confused I'm just deformed ��
i went to school ashamed of myself because of the way I look. I made friends and some I still talk...but the pain will always be there! I've never been confident in my life... I remember feeling so ugly I didn't make the right friends I didn't graduate cause I was poor growing up that I needed glasses and was to shy to sit in the front to see the board cause I dressed in the wrong clothes ripped shoes and clothes... just so much more I went through
Edit: I was born deformed no surgery no opening in my mouth or anything...

[winter4me]

It is not too late for surgery.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by winter4me

It is not too late for surgery.

I agree. Have you looked into surgery so you'll feel better about yourself?

[Heyitseli]

I can't afford surgery...

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Heyitseli

I can't afford surgery...

Can you see a therapist to help you process your feelings about your looks? I have esteem problems with my looks as well. I used to cover my mirrors and I don't allow my picture to be taken. I think a lot of people do have issues. Best wishes.

[Heyitseli]

Sorry to hear that... I have not seen a therapist..
Don't have the luxury or anything to afford it sorry for being blunt it's just irritating sometimes...

[Frankbtl]

Hi Heyitseli

I can imagine that that realisation must have been really traumatic for you, maybe wanting to "fit in" or feeling that you "fit in" then having someone point out something "wrong" with you...........and on your face which everyone sees/knew you for........and then realising/having it hit you like a ton of bricks that something was "very wrong"............
And it can be so easy to compare yourself to others...........the way you "should look"..........

And I know you'd change it if you could but with that not being possible I'm just wondering if you could maybe buy into the way I see appearances, just a little........
I don't see "deformed", who on earth has the right to define "perfect", and why should perfect be x, y and z..........everyone is different..........there may be "conventional" ideas of beauty...........but to me individuality is much more important than that.........and "conventional" should not define a person's value.........if someone is so shallow as to see/judge you negatively based on your appearance, then that someone is someone you shouldn't want to know..........you are so much more than your appearance, whether that is "conventional" or not...........and yes, it may sound cliche, but it's heartfelt, I do go along with "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"..........sometime just the look in someone's eyes, the particular way they smile if they are not "conventionally" beautiful can still make them look far more beautiful than someone "conventionally" beautiful who doesn't have that........it can come from within............and that's about who you are............so try not to compare yourself to others, believe me, I'm sure there's every chance that you are a much better person than some of those you might compare your appearance negatively too..........I'm sure some of those people aren't even worthy to know you...........

So.........I'm absolutely not dismissing the way you're feeling, but just hoping that you can see "appearance" a little more through my eyes...........and if you want to talk more.........

Alison

[Heyitseli]

I cried reading every word you said thank you so much! It made me feel a little better 💜

[Artchic528]

I'm not a professional, nor am I saying it's completely psychological, but some people have what is known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It basically warps the mind into thinking a part of the body, or the whole body itself is deformed or hideous and unnatural. It's not that the people who suffer from this disease are in actuality deformed or monstrous in appearance, but they are so convinced that they are beyond what they perceive as "normal" in appearance that they hide from the world, even avoiding such things as looking in mirrors or getting their picture taken.

You say you appear as though you've been born with a cleft lip, but had no corrective surgery? I don't mean to make you focus further on yourself and drive your anxiety and insecurities higher, so my apologies. I wouldn't focus so much on surgically fixing it if you can eat and talk just fine. Besides, some people focus so much on trying to make themselves perfect in appearance that they become obsessed with having one cosmetic procedure done after another and wind up looking a lot worse off then where they started. Not to mention they look all fake and plastic-like.

I haven't seen a picture of you, nor am I asking you to give me one. I know you're probably not comfortable doing that now. However, I am going to say that we are often way more critical of ourselves than others are of us. I know you said you can't afford therapy right now, so I really feel for you. A good therapist can help boost one's own self confidence and help work through whatever insecurities we have.

I wish I could help you feel better somehow.