I'm tired of burdening everyone...

So I've decided that I'll save my friends and SO the pain of knowing me by taking a 'break' from everything. They don't really seem to care anyway, so I don't think it'd bother them too much if I wasn't to return from this 'break' anyway. It hurts to know that they don't really care about me (tbh most of them have explicitly said so in the past), but it hurts me even more to know I'm in their lives and that they have to deal with me.

So I've decided to leave, sending them all messages about this 'break' of mine, and I've quit all social media, IM programs and any mutual sites/groups we're in. Part of me feels like I'm probably being manipulative for hurting so much that I'm acting like this, but I legitimately also want them all to forget me but I don't want to just 'ghost' them. I know their lives will be so much better without me in it, ha ha.

I'm completely alone now and the pain is even more unbearable. But this pain is mine, and mine alone to deal with. Right?

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. What makes you think they don't care about you? Did they hurt you?

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. This post sounds like your depression talking. I don't believe every person in your life thinks you are a burden. Please challenge this thinking. It's simply not true. I think a break is good if it benefits you but to take a break because you think nobody cares will just isolate you more. I hope you feel better soon. Best wishes.

I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. I agree with Jennifer_1967, making a break from people will isolate you and probably add to your depression.

Thanks guys.

I'm feeling a little better today, still pretty "blah" though. I guess my problem is that a lot of the people I'm closest to make me feel even more alone? I'm constantly ignored and then told I'm 'wrong' for feeling upset about it. My depression has definitely pushed nearly everyone away, I can't remember the last time I've someone has approached me to have a conversation. Like a genuine "I like you" conversation. These days it just feels like they're talking to me out of obligation? And I just feel like I'm a massive waste of their time.

It could be just my depression talking but feeling so alone when I'm with people that constantly give off the vibe that I'm just being 'baggage' makes me even more depressed and alone. If that makes any sense, ha.

you are making a lot of sense...keep talking

Yes I agree it's probably depression talking. I always feel alone and lonely when I'm depressed, even when I'm with people. And I've withdrawn from people because of it and it just made things worse.

This time, I made a point to be with people as much as I could, and it really helped fight the depression. I'm actually pretty upbeat now because of this. Being with people and posting here at PsychCentral is now my first defense against my depression.

Hang in there!

--Ceara