What's the point in fighting any more

Me again, ha.

But I was just thinking during a downwards spell, how are we supposed to fight depression? At the moment I feel pretty hopeless about ever beating this beast. I mean...

I'm taking meds (Effexor XR, mirtazapine, Ativan - prn)
I'm in talk therapy
I've taken vitamins and herbal supplements
I've sought help from job and general support services
I walk 30-60 mins nearly every day
I'm eating well (I've had WLS, so I have to eat well)
I try to reach out to friends and family (they never care about what I have to say)
I'm trying to keep my hobbies alive (very difficult, anhedonia is f'd up)

Nothing changes. No matter what I do.

I've tried every medication class except stimulants and nothing has worked. I've been in and out of therapy and applying it to my life for the past two decades, it's never helped. Support services can only do so much to help. The emergency department won't even let me see someone when I'm at rock bottom and unsafe.

I just... Don't have any hope left, I suppose. What's the point of fighting a losing battle? For me, honestly, even hobbies are a chore and unenjoyable. I hate everything, I feel like a burden... I know depression is hard to fight, but I get NO relief from anything I do. Sometimes I wish I could be put down like an old dog, I'm so tired of being tired.

Sure, there's people out there that have beaten their depression, good on them. But that doesn't mean we all will. What if I'm one of those people? Am I destined to feel this way until I die? I kinda figure it's easier to just let it win, honestly.

I've been fighting for 30 years. I'm ready to quit now. Never before did I get this discouraged. However---- the truth is I am so much better than I was and the fight made me better. It didn't fix everything because the fixing is really your outlook on life and struggle. The fixing isn't the treatment because in my view we are all doomed to be a little or a lot depressed from time to time. It's part of being human because **** happens to everyone eventually. Anyway I'm trying to focus more on finding meaning in life that isn't related to this depression ******** because I totally agree that we don't all get cured. Just watch any reality tv show (omg I watch too many) and you'll see how many life stories end up with tragedy and failure. Don't wait for treatment to work. Just find a way to live meaningfully in spite of it. I struggle with this so I'm not saying oh I did it so you can too. I'm just saying I'm starting to think that's the only solution. After a ****ton of therapy I'm now broke and jobless and alone. So I have to find a way out.

I guess there's an editor that took out my profanity sorry lol

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. You're doing everything right and it doesn't seem to be helping. It doesn't seem fair. Keep holding on. You never know what is right around the corner. I am struggling with the same issues you are. I hope you start feeling better soon. Best wishes.

I'm right where you are. Even though it's difficult to see right now, there's a better day coming. I don't know when, but for me it always comes. Better might not be good, but it won't be "I want to die" depression.

I'm sorry you feel this way. Please, don't give up - there's always hope for things to get better, even just by a little bit. We're all here to support you when you need it..