My father, his SAD lamp, and his

My father said once "life is a b%^ch, and then you marry one"
As a child I practically forced him to get a job. Because he would annoy me by asking what I wanted to be and go on about such and such is going to be a music teacher, so and so is going to be this....an I would lose it, and be like "so your going to pay for me to go to university sitting on your backside huh??"
He would retort " can't work if you are disabled." And I would sigh at how easy he seemed to have given up. I even thought he meant me at one point having something wrong with me, as he was so confusing.
I am sure he lied to me about having a brother in Norway and a sister in my hometown. He did write to someone as I snooped out the letters but he was a little secretive. Story of my whole family. "skeletons in the closet" he would say.
My step-dad would make fun of my biological father, and say to me I was simple because I was "happy with a bag of crisps." In truth I was very mature and I acted like it was ok, that he drove something that looked like it belonged in back to the future or dr who.
I am glad I got to know where I came from and I am also assured that the time was right to sever the ties and choose sides. I wish my mum and father never used me as a pawn.
My mum played this stupid game evry single year where I had to ask my father to buy me a school bag and other things. I would go over and over what to say in my head, dreading it

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So when I fell ill I saw him in hospital once then he never phoned me. He always expected ME to phone him growing up or for me to visit off my back. I made all the effort. I wish he didn't stay so close to my mum and step-dad, was so awkward.
I remember being in Asda and a girl from my year at school, was behind the counter and gave me the Spanish inquisition. She was like "what you doing? Where are you working? Who you working for? You at college? Going to Uni?" and luckily my Aunt was working with her and rescued me and distracted her. So I ended up going back to work before I was ready.

I never got the opportunity to recover properly. The doc sent an OT and they did nothing, when they knew I had a job. Its like I wasn't allowed to chill at home while everyone else was working, it was frowned on. I had to do all the housework then my beau would come nearly every night even when I said I needed some time to myself.

I was forced to claim incapacity benefit and it was so humiliating. I never went back to my first job, it was best job I had and I could have stayed there for a good while. But my sports instructor made infantile remarks about it all the time saying "part-timer, no lifer" where I more or less did full time. And "tee hee.....is going to work in Tesco for the rest of her life haha"