[Fuzzybear]

I kind of wish the parental units had accused me of "shutting them out"

Maybe I did... since I was 5 years old I was labelled as "withdrawn" by teachers, they knew there was something "wrong" with me but the parental units were too much into their secrets, disinterest in me etc to listen..

Surely I "should" be "over" all this by now..

Surely I "should" be content and not suicidal

Things did "get better" ... but now...

I have my doubts about posting, too many abusers have worked so hard to silence me (all my life)

Maybe they were "right"

I'm taking one day at a time, it's an old cliche but its all I can do to stay on this planet

I'm not sure about what all the many things I do wrong are..

"Family" apart from papa bear.. again, disinterested. So maybe it's me

The "problem" is me

The children only have so much power in these situations. I am so sad you internalized so many negative messages about yourself. You are sweet and competent Fuzzy! <<hugs>>

[whisperingskye]

Sometimes one day at a time is all you can do, if it works who cares if it's a cliche

You are not the problem. I know that. Too many people have just taken advantage of you.

I wish I had the right words, but I seem to be lacking in that lately. Just know that I care

((((((Fuzzybear))))))))

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I kind of wish the parental units had accused me of "shutting them out"

They accused you of so much but left that one out.
It would have been entirely in character for them to shut you out and then blame you for "shutting them out".

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Surely I "should" be "over" all this by now.

Childhood shapes us more than is comfortable to admit.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Surely I "should" be content and not suicidal

Was your contentedness the aim of your parental units in raising you?

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

too many abusers have worked so hard to silence me (all my life)

True. Every post, every word works against what they have worked in you.

It's a long, painful road. You cannot see the end.
That you continue along the road testifies to your strength.

[MtnTime2896]

Fuzzy, I'm going to be real with you. What you endured, there's no "getting over" that. What you went through, the trauma, it was real and it impacted you through early development.
Somebody took me aside once and made me stand in front of his kid (who was around six or seven). He stood me in front of the kid and asked, "Does this kid deserve corpral punishment for spilling a glass of milk?"

"No"

"He's nearly an adult, can't he take it?"

"He's a kid"

"What was that?"

"He's a kid. He doesn't deserve that ****."

"So when you were this old, what did you deserve? You were his age. Did you deserve what had happened?"

I'll let you think about what that answer is.