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#1
Sep 25, 2007, 06:01 PM
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I've been laying in bed and reading a depression-related book for one hour. I was a LITTLE relaxed and I felt weird becasue of that. I dind't want to get up but I had to to do some work at the PC. Now I'm feeling bad again
 When calling my pdoc I always said that the severity of my depression was 8 or 7 (1 to 10). I'm glad I did, because NOW it must be 9.5 Today at wake up I could not speak well because of heavy breathing, I were missing the keys on my keyboard. I had cold sweats, restlessness, and the most absolute desperation (which is still here, anyway). In this moment I can't get my mind off the idea of being 80 or older, with the only hope to be ill enough to wish for death. I know it is foolish, but I can't GET MY DAMN MIND OFF IT! Now I'll be soon asleep, but what about tomorrow? I really wish I was never born, or aborted, or dead in the cradle, before I could be aware of ALL THIS PAIN! |
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#2
Sep 25, 2007, 06:12 PM
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(((((((((((stefano)))))))))))))))
__________________
So often we dwell on the things that seem impossible rather than on the things that are possible. So often we are depressed by what remains to be done and forget to be thankful for all that has been done.--Marian Wright Edelman |
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#3
Sep 25, 2007, 06:14 PM
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Hello Stefano. I am sorry tht you are struggling at this time. You may wan to think about going to the hospital to see what is going on with you and see if there is something that they may be able to help you wish if you cant see your DR soon. Take care of yourself. I hope you feel better soon. Soidhonia
__________________
The Caged Bird Sings with a Fearful Trill of Things Unknown and Longed for Still and his Tune is Heard on the Distant Hill for the Caged Bird Sings of Freedom |
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#4
Sep 25, 2007, 06:16 PM
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noone said life was easy but it is hard very hard and we must find the will to do and go as we are intended to do. I lost my precious baby girl who was my world i go to bed at night and pray to god every single night not to wake up but when i wake in the morning all i think about is being mad at god all over again for letting wake up the pain is real and a great deal to deal with but always remeber people do care as i have found out through out the past few days please feel free to talk anytime take care and be safe.
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#5
Sep 25, 2007, 06:58 PM
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....if i could...i would come hold your hands and ask that your pain transfer to me..........
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#6
Sep 25, 2007, 07:04 PM
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((((stefano))))) i'm with you....
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#7
Sep 25, 2007, 10:18 PM
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You have not seen people 80 or older who are still in love with life and living fully every day? Picture you in that way.
All we have is today.... Live today.... Today you are not 80. |
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#8
Sep 26, 2007, 12:21 PM
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stefano, I was going to say, I am so glad my birth mother didn't abort me. She would have done if she hadn't be Roman Catholic, but I know when depression hits, its just not logical how I thinking goes. Its for me least ways a bargain with life that if I dont feel better and pain free soon, then I'm gonna tell ya that I didn't want to live this wonderful life....because really no matter what Happens to us in life, life is wonderful. Each time I hear the wind blow in through the trees I am in awe, each time I see the dew on the grass I am in awe, the problem never was life, the problem is in my thinking, I use it to protect myself, I hurt so I refuse to acknowledge the other feelings I have, that I am in love with life. LIfe wouldnt hurt so much if it wasn' that we loved it so much? But as I say, I was going to say all this and changed my mind, or did I? LOL.
Take care.
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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#9
Sep 26, 2007, 01:14 PM
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(((stefano)))
__________________
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
--Theodore Roosevelt |
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#10
Sep 26, 2007, 03:14 PM
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My heart aches for you because I know the pain you are going through. I hope the weight of your depression lifts soon (they tell me this happens, I'm still waiting).
((((( Stefano )))))
__________________
 kebs
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#11
Sep 26, 2007, 03:23 PM
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my heart and love is with you.
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#12
Sep 26, 2007, 06:24 PM
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It's incredible. I see your replies, I can feel the solidarity, and yet this damn depression won't let me feel relieved for it. I'm isolated from any consolation. Everything that used to work a little now is pointless.
If I get well again I will thank each one of you from the bottom of the heart. Now I can only swallow the tears (a lot of them). |
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#13
Sep 26, 2007, 06:28 PM
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as evryomne says don't give up..i myself am habveing a major meltdown and i too feel pointless to do anything but i guess we have to get stronger my heart goes out to you i wish i could do or say more but i am at a point i cant even help myself right now.love hugs Rhonda
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#14
Sep 26, 2007, 06:59 PM
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(((((((((((((((( stefano )))))))))))))))
__________________
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#15
Sep 26, 2007, 07:03 PM
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Sitting with you (((((((( stefano )))))))) 
__________________
 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#16
Sep 26, 2007, 07:03 PM
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it's ok stefano.....you've hit bottom but as they say..there is nowhere to go but up!.......you'll get there hon....you'll get there!
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#17
Sep 26, 2007, 09:39 PM
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"I can feel the solidarity, and yet this damn depression won't let me feel relieved for it. I'm isolated from any consolation. Everything that used to work a little now is pointless."
I know exactly how you feel. This is the same problem I have. I know it's so painful, and I'm with you. Let's hold hands and walk through this together. I know this is no comfort to you. But, it's better than going through it alone. What a crazy journey we're on. We'll hang on by holding hands. I hope it helps. |
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