[nowheretorun]

I wondered if there were others like me who got even more down because "society" labeled people like us as "ill".

During my depression i was reluctant to admit any kind of "mental disease". to me, it was like admitting weakness. what would my father think?

but now it is different.

what if i wasn't ill?

this might be upsetting and that isn't my intention. i know depression is very real for you. and it is no joking matter. people die from it.

but what if there was a change of perspective? what if we saw ourselves not as ill, but as a special group of people with a special set of challenges in our lifetimes?

not special in that derogatory way. special as in, well, even "gifted" if you will.

many artists are familiar with depression and suffering and look about at what they have given the world in thier effort to escape what in thier minds, seems unjustness or imbalances. often their art is what they see they can give that will correct a gross wrong, in society, religiously, politically, etc...

what if some of us are in that place and we feel as if we are going out of our minds trying to deal with it.

like "society" at large "accepts" injustices, but for some reason "we" are unable to.

would we be called "artists" if we magically found some way to express the deep pain we are experiencing and put it out before the world to witness and share in a solution?

i wonder in real olden times if they called people like us "crazy" or perhaps, in different times, we were even considered "special"?

any thoughts?

Love to All

[Fuzzybear]

[stefano]

Nobody likes the idea of being ill, but unfortunately it is just what depression is... a disease. This doesn't mean giving up, but not even trying to act as if we were normally endowed.
If one has a disease he must pull himself together and accept it. But depression affects SPECIFICALLY the abiliy to pull oneself together.

I know that the stigma from society hurts me, in particular when I am in a depressive episode, but I prefer to disregard it and get any possible medical treatment...

[kebsfroggy]

Guess it all is a matter of perspective.....

I live with people who don't believe I'm ill (crazy, special, artistic). I look fine except for being over weight.

The fact that I can no longer function as I once did is not acknowledged or accepted. My world is a living hell because I'm expected to be what I no longer am. Do things I can't remember how to do.

Artistic? Special? Maybe in that me who use to be but not in the me I am now.

I know I should be happy for what I have. I know there are those much worse off than I am. I know I should have faith that things will get better.

And yet with all that knowledge, I'm not grateful. The hopelessness, worthlessness, pessimisim, anxiousness and guilt of my illness rule my life. Finding ways to relieve this never ending pain consume my days.

...........guess I should change mine.

Sorry this got so long. Frogs of little brain have a tendecy to babble.

[nowheretorun]

thank you stefano,

trying to type an entire hypothesis into a short post i guess... it's true, chemical imbalances exist. i also benefited from the use of meds (zoloft) off and on since 2000. I think it may have aided in re-opening closed channels in my brain.

didn't mean to detract from the very real medical conditions that many here do experience.

i can only address what seems true for me.

[nowheretorun]

kebsfroggy...

almost felt like you are writing a line to my own life

"My world is a living hell because I'm expected to be what I no longer am. Do things I can't remember how to do."

that's hitting the nail on the head. things like talking about the weather, discussing a movie or book or piece of music. impossible because my mind would race ahead with what and how to say something but fail to organize anything sensibly. left looking and feeling the fool again...

"Artistic? Special? Maybe in that me who use to be but not in the me I am now."

interesting because as a child i had artistic tendencies but my father chose to lead me away from that and into more practical things like working with my hands and service for others. stuff that i benefitted from but, i strongly feel a misleading from what was truest in my born nature. having that part of myself removed contributed to my depression.

recently i made a decision to sing again. the very idea of it was healing. the more i meditated with it, the more empowered i felt.

it's been two months since my depression lifted. the first 1 1/2 months were bliss. just to feel like yourself again after 29 years of being a stranger to even your own self was an elation that can hardly be described.

the past two weeks i felt myself begin to slide again and not an instant panic but a slow fear began to build. was it slipping away?

i think it was yet another corner to be turned. depression for me is a normal part of existence but it doesn't have to control my life. i need to face it. i'm sensitive and empathic. i will likely always be on the edge of a depression. but one small taste of freedom can be as strong a magnet as a whole pie of depression.

thank you for your thoughtful response...

[sunrise]

Thanks for the thought provoking post, nowheretorun. I like when people speculate.

For myself, I am moving away from a definition of depression as a disease. It turns out it has not been helpful to me to think of it as a pathology. Now I am seeing that depression has adaptive value. It is so widespread--why would such a condition be so common if it was not evolutionarily advantageous in some way? Humans have evolved such that depression is a part of us. I've been learning about a number of animal studies that look at animal behaviors that are analogs of depression in humans. These behaviors definitely have adaptive value. I am learning to see my own depression as a response to life circumstances that is not without value. I am healthy, even though I have been depressed. My depression is a response to my environment. Sure I can get some degree of relief from meds, therapy, exercise, etc. I have really dug deep through therapy and solved some of the key problems in my life. It has really helped. My biochemistry is changing in response to my changed life events. I'm coming out of it. It feels great! It's definitely 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, but the general direction is right. I am healthy and always have been, whether depressed or not.

I know that won't fit with what a number of people believe, but it's an evolving idea for me, and I don't think has reached its final form yet. I am learning more each day.

[nowheretorun]

thank you sunrise

i spend a lot of time in speculation... i've wondered myself why depression has become so prominent in our society (i'm sorry, i didn't notice your resident country). i've wondered before, is there a rational explanation? is it the high glitz advertizing campains making us all feel less than hollywood-esque? what about the "keeping up with the jones's theories that used to be talked about. is depression the result?

i have to think at least for some it may be so...

then other recent world events and my countrys' role (america). am i sad about it? not trying to politically analyse but dang, war is depressing...

i get sad when others suffer. are they suffering because they fall into the "have-not" category? is it all a slow downhill slide?

i want to look on the bright side. i think your "adaptive" therioes have merit. for me, depression is a sign something is wrong. if you are right, will we rise above? or is it all too late already? now boy, that's depressing...

thank you again for your serious and thoughtful reply