[Espadimelo792]

Hello PsychCentral,

I'm not in immediate danger of harming myself. But it seems like no matter what I do, I just can't control my anger. It's going to keep getting me in trouble, as I just lost my job due to anger (ok, technically "put on leave until I get cleared by a mental health professional," but I think they're doing that in hopes I'll get discouraged and quit, and I don't even want to go back to that job anyway). Here are some examples:

a) My cousin-in-law is a professional anger management counselor who came up with this brilliant six-step program for anger management. He says it's worked for countless clients, in fact, with a nearly 100% success rate. But no matter how many times I go over the six steps, I just HAVE to let the world know how I feel by letting out my anger.

b) A few weeks ago, before going out, I wrote in my journal how I'll no longer let stupid people control my anger and how I can no longer use stupid people as an excuse to get angry. I made sure to have it ingrained into my brain before going out, but lo and behold, after my errand, I got very angry and yelled at stupid people and even wrote a violent journal entry when I got home!

c) It seems there is no help available either. I got sent to the hospital yesterday for depression, anger, and suicide ideation. The psychiatric nurse thought I could benefit from "partial hospitalization"/outpatient therapy, but a few minutes later, she came back to my room and said, "You can just keep seeing your therapist, that'd be good enough." And then they sent me home. I guess since I have "bad" insurance (perhaps the Affordable Care Act has done more harm than good!), she couldn't find an outpatient program that my insurance would pay for.

I think the problem is that I'm tired of Americans taking everything for granted and taking their freedoms too far and so they feel entitled to do whatever they want. Too many Americans, I feel, think that rules and laws are suggestions that you might want to follow....if you feel like it. Yes, it could be the same with people in other countries, so I shouldn't pick on Americans all the time. Nonetheless, when traveling abroad, I've had to fake a foreign accent so that I wouldn't automatically come across as American.

I am indeed very scared about the future. I really want to just sell everything and move to a third-world country, like somewhere in Latin America, or Brazil, or Africa. In those countries, people truly appreciate what they have and probably take little or nothing for granted. But in order to do all that, I would have to have some way to move to that country legally and permanently, not just short-term positions. It's very hard to immigrate to the U.S. for those who want to do it legally, so why should I feel I can simply pack my suitcases and get on a plane to a different country?

I just can't control my anger living in America, so I may or may not have to resort to suicide. I know anger is just an emotion, and I shouldn't let one emotion dictate whether or not I "check out early." But it is a very hard emotion to control - my brain WANTS to do something to let others know that I'm hurt/offended.

Christians would say, "Just build a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." I myself am Christian (kind of), but not terribly devout. In today's crazy world, Christians make it sound like Jesus is the only way to happiness. I might have no choice but to live a Christian lifestyle! But organized religion still doesn't get to the root of the anger problems and depression.

Rant, rant, rant, blah, blah, blah....feel better now? I guess so, but nobody can really help me on an Internet forum either!

[Misterpain]

You actually seem more of an injustice collector mindset that triggers anger/ rage , even some ofbthe men who fought to found this country had been known to sometimes say "I hope we don't win, people are ungrateful" which is still true all these years later .
As to your anger, people very easily dismiss what angry people say writing them off as crackpots or lunatics and beating them down with legal or job actions and completely disregarding what they say ,because it is easy to "bait" people into anger and everyone ignores the hot head .
But people who learn to harness that anger into an icy calm are the most effective at getting heard and making change because the people who are outwardly calm and seemigly "reasonable" get heard 100 % of the time and people will react much better to what you say and try to help you implement changes to make things better ,yes its bizzare but its the truth" kill them with kindness"is an accurate saying .change more rapidly happens with evolution than revolution , guns and anger command attention for as long no one with bigger guns or more anger unseats them, then eloquent quiet calm guy steps out of the shadows and disarm the whole lot of them by thinking things through thoroughly before ever stepping forward .It's like our current administrations issues with N. Korea even veiled threats of sanctions are going to provoke this guy he is 27 years old (27 year olds still swallow goldfish why because some idiot challenged them , they dont have the ability to back down or "Lose face"which is typical of both the young and Asian cultures ,they will kill millions of people and lose there regime because they are dead before they will "lose face" , trump is a moron and pretty juvenile in his thinking and temper tantrums ,and this escalating conflict is going to continue until an adult steps in ,unfortunately I don't think trump knows any ,and the N. Korean leader has been killing his own family elders because they might think better and react differently , so they are dead because he fears reality and education the same enemies of trump , they are more a like than either of them reslizes,don't be that guy allowing anger to fuel more anger so people can marginalize your thoughts and feelings .stay calm and be heard ,even if you have to bite your lip sometimes to stay calm ,more people will hear what you have to say ,violence of thought (anger) is inefficient and counter productive, even if you don't want to keep this job allowing them to fire you and label you a "potential threat" will cripple your prospects at a good rewarding position in any field , and trust me there are all kinds of privacy laws and legal BS that restricts an employers ability to talk trash about you,but it still happens and human resource departments are incestuous somebody knows somebody because people move around and if you get branded "hothead" or "unstable" or any of the euphemisms for a person who is an individualist and not a "company guy" it will not help you ,so leave on your terms not there's. Christianity has caused more death anger and chaos historically than anything else , try meditation , reflection and Buddhist philosphys there monks could kill a Navy seal in a fight but would much rather discover there inner self and think positive ,excersise your frustrations and anger thru martial arts or running ,jogging, boxing anything you find enjoyable is a very effective stradegy my mom and I used to have a ritual we would meet at the theatre, and attack each other with "baticas" ( there kind of like a a padded foam bat ) and we would go at it once week well we talked about all the bone headed things we dealt with during the week until we were tired then sit down and each eat half a pint of ice cream(one of us eat half of coffee well the other did rum raisin and we would switch halfway) superman had kryptonite mom and I had ice cream as our weakness .I hope something I said is helpfull to you .

[Sunflower123]

Misterpain had some really good points. I hope you will consider them. I'm sorry you're having this difficulty. It must be very disconcerting. I had an anger management problem years ago to the point it was always in my job reviews. I've worked on it and no longer have anger issues. You can do the same. I think a good first step would be to be evaluated by a pdoc. Maybe you have a diagnosis or there is some medicine that helps you control your anger. Good luck. Sending big hugs.

[Espadimelo792]

Thanks for your responses you two, especially MisterPain...that must have been well thought out!

One correction: the way I worded it, I made myself sound like one of those ignorant Americans who thinks that Africa is a country. Geography is one of my life's inaterests, and I do know better than that! No, I meant I would move to a poor African country (like Angola, because they speak Portuguese there). (I think I expressed in an earlier thread my high interest in the Portuguese language.)

I think one problem with my personality is I'm a wannabe dictator who loves going around telling people what they should and should not do. I want to live in a country where the government tells people what to do (but at the same time, takes care of them), and then the government's "secret police" (if that's even a real thing) beats the crap out of people when they disobey and break rules.

Some of you might be thinking, "Pienso que ¡debes mudarte a Cuba!" (I think you should move to Cuba.) But the question is, does Cuba even want people immigrating to their little island? I did read on one forum that if I simply go there and say in Spanish that I want to be part of Castro's regime, they'll take me in, but that sounds like something an ignorant teenager would write.

I really hope I don't commit suicide. Being dead doesn't sound like fun, UNLESS there really is a heaven .

[little turtle]

anger...what are you angry about....

[Misterpain]

The problem with living in a country that is state controlled ,is the people get the shaft, anytime there is a choice between enriching yourself or enriching everyone so everyone benefits ,the state enriches itself and says screw the people , in cuba under fidel "hows it feel to want " whereas under his brother 100% more people got basic refridgerators and half the island now has access to a microwave oven , and the trouble with cuba is Ike cut them off claiming people would get civil and human rights ( and stamping out communism in this hemisphere) it didn't work , pope Francis tricked Obamma and Castro to come to the Vatican and open relations , trump has decided B'S on that (ignorant man baby) and cuting it off again, if your young you may not remember this but look up Jonestown and people's temple and Guyana started as an agriculture commune here in the US and then Jones started declining into mental illness thought the world was out to get him , so he and followers fled to Guyana as he continued to decline and experience substance abuse it went from commune cooperating society based around agriculture to what is best for Jones and his neediness , not to spoil it for you but this is where the negative saying "drinking the koolaid" comes from, 900 people died , absolute power corrupts absolutely , very few communes work for long because somebody exploits it for all they can get , there are still one or two succesfull ones here in the US founded by the hippie culture during the 60's , all in all in most cases you comitt yourself to being oppressed or depressed because few people who make that switch ever get a chance to undo there action because once it's done you got nothing ,and nothing doesnt allow you to rejoin a society, unless of course you become a political refugee and work your way out of destitute poverty in the gutter to a better life ,but we are now in position of reverse isolationism with trumps agenda, his family emigrated here yet the guy hates immigrants , is racist as he'll, Is seeking to put women in there place (The place he has in mind is barefoot and pregnant , he has no respect for anybody )sorry to get political but this is very risky thinking when the powerfull are trying to shut down world boarders, fairly soon political refugees and victims of genocide will be stuck with no place to go. Portugal insnt bad (actually it has incredible potential , it is an up and comer to watch, if it continues on a progressive trajectory it may well be "utopian" in another 10-20 years , but if annoyone ignorant or controlling gets power the whole thing could derail in short order , you also have to wait out the shift of power scheduled to start october 15 involving "BRICS" and the IMF if things go the way they are looking there is going to be a realignment of world power , world wealth & allegiances forced onto every nation ,because "BRICS" needs to gain .1 % to have have veto power at the IMF ( the world bank) if they get that on the 15th , some major countries are going to shut off like a light switch economically, it is likely in the next year that the global economy is going to to destabilize, and the last super power being the US is going to collapse ,currently the US is the world's "reserve" currency going back to the forties the "BRICS" nations have been working under the table agreements between themselves and the IMF to stop using the dollar for all trading and promoting a new "crypto currency" if they gain veto power and use it to ban the US dollar like they want (our economy is going to go off a cliff ) so currency manipulation in the coming months may lead to major unrest worldwide (it is reasonable to expect gold to go to $10,000 an ounce or higher because many nations in "BRICS" are hoarding it, matter of fact when gold is refined into bullion bars and stored by the Swiss each bar is labeled with its date stamped into it, Swiss bankers are pretty much done transferring bullion that was refined during the Carter administration years,now mind you that means everything in the last say 40 years has been bought out and moved to Russia, China , places that when they kill the dollar and collapse the US economy and stock market they will make money off it ,it's sad crazy and realize horrible that humanity can't get it Stuff together and take care of itself because everyone is filling there pockets with lust and greed ,if all the countries stoped competing and pooled there knowledge how long would it be before we tackled and won against MI or cancer , poverty would be wiped out, if humanity committed to growth and survival for all mankind so much would improve for all , Henry Ford committed 1 million dollars back in the day when a million dollars meant something and the cure for polio came about in 24 hours , so imagine say a trillion dollars could do in 48 for all man kind to lengthen lives and tackle things that have killed millions yearly.
So a lot to think about there,another thing to thimk of is in a closed society that is supposed to care for you cradle to grave typicaly strong emotions can get you killed just as fast as speaking out about something thats not right.i spent my first 12 years living in a place that display of emotions would get you beaten and locked in a crawl space for weeks ,and sometimes the same would happen just because dad was in a bad mood ,its not fun , i definately encourage to think strongly about how you would handle that before signing up for it (hint anger , powerless,makes more anger that feeds powerlessness ,until its a powder keg and explodes ,and someone or something is never the same ,the people you love the most are your abusers and tormentors instead of loved and supported ,and everyday you want it to stop or end, and when it does you have nothing,miss the constant abuse,and have to rap your head around the fact that it was never about you , you were the victim not the perpetraitor, the decisions you make following someone/something like that will define who you are and what you do with your life the rest of your days .always have a plan "b" that's ironclad just in case plan "A" goes sideways for any reason an example off that in the early days of the space shuttle there were three giant runways ,one of them is in whitehsands New mexico thats is being reclaimed by the desert now once in awhile someone will snap a picture and ask on the net what it is or was, and it was divert site in case the shuttle had to glide back to earth ,great plan that was never utilized,therebis always a BUT until the challenger tradgedy no one thought of a crew escape hatch in case the orbiter was toast , spent millions of dollars retro fitting the remaining orbiters BUT no one ever thought about severe damage to the heat shield or making repairs in space until the one blew up on reentry because a big piece of foam hitting the leading edge wing during liftoff of the mission , so a thorough plan "b" with as many scenarios for going wrong factored in just to be safe.
Theres good and bad bad news about dead ,its nothingness you don't even know it ,it's the coming back that is problematic ,in 2013 I had a cardiac arrest in my sleep was found in bed dead and purple , was resuscitated and went into a coma ,when I thought I was waking up from having gone to bed I was emerging from a coma , that was very intresting conversation, i was no verbal yet but apparently i was making faces to my neurologist(who incidently I hated and fired 10 years ago, turned out I was wrong about the guy he was heartless ,I didn't know until I was discharged he was there on own time , he saw me brought in for resusitation and remebered i was his patient once ,scared the hell,out of him so he transferred his paying patients to his partner to hang it in my icu room "to welcome me back " he remembered i worked in a coma hospital and probably knew as much about coma as he did and was hoping to learn something,i denied everything because the things i remember, some are garbage probably from lack of oxygen and some I have proven thru my medical records to have been something that happened ,the good news is only took me about 2 years in therapy to get over the trauma from that ,my T had died during surgery and had a hard time finding someone someone to help him with it ,I got very lucky that he was experienced in what I needed to work through having done it himself, nothing worse than talking to someone who has no idea where your coming from or wear your going. I truly suspect it's very close to what suicide survivors have to resolve after they work through what got them there to try , there is mental anguish , there are death bed regrets, they are very real people often are told to get over it, or considered crackpots for talking about near death experiences, if more T would learn about it ,it would advance the dialog that were not crackpots and you font just get over it on your own, i can also say talking to walls is quite healthy when your trying to make sense of things.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by little turtle

anger...what are you angry about....

[Espadimelo792]

Originally Posted by little turtle

anger...what are you angry about....

I guess what I'm angry about is the fact that I've been ignored most of my life because of my birth defects and neck fusion. Nobody ever called me up to say, "Hey David (yes, I'm comfortable using my real name), some of us are hanging out at ______ tonight. You want to come?" In college, my only friends were die-hard Christians from the Christian organizations, who would be friends with anybody anyway.

Granted, some of it is my fault. In college, all I had to do was go up to a girl that I'd met maybe once or twice and say, "Hey, you're pretty cool. Wanna hang out sometime or do something with me?" Yes, I would have gotten some (or a lot) of "No's," or "Thanks, but no thanks," or "I already have a boyfriend, sorry" (which I've recently heard isn't always true when a girl says that, it's often just an excuse she uses when she's not interested in a particular guy). However, I bet I would have also gotten some "Yes's," and one of those "Yes's" could have become my girlfriend, maybe even wife, or unfortunately, my ex-wife once she found out about my emotional instability . But I guess growing up, I gave the impression that I didn't WANT to talk to anybody (due to my low self-esteem from the birth defects), so I guess I deserved it.

Now, at 33, I'm getting to the age where I might not ever be able to find Ms. Right. Many women my age, if I go by Facebook, already have a husband and kids of their own. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without ever being loved by a significant other, so that often leads to thoughts of suicide as well.

In a way, I have the "right" to be pissed off at the world because I've been ignored most of my life, but if I keep holding onto that anger, I will never get better. It's going to take a long time of therapy and possibly medication before I ever get better.

Also, as stated above in my previous posts, I tend to be a manipulative control freak and then get angry/hopeless when people don't listen to me...I need to work on that too!

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Espadimelo792

I guess what I'm angry about is the fact that I've been ignored most of my life because of my birth defects and neck fusion. Nobody ever called me up to say, "Hey David (yes, I'm comfortable using my real name), some of us are hanging out at ______ tonight. You want to come?" In college, my only friends were die-hard Christians from the Christian organizations, who would be friends with anybody anyway.

Granted, some of it is my fault. In college, all I had to do was go up to a girl that I'd met maybe once or twice and say, "Hey, you're pretty cool. Wanna hang out sometime or do something with me?" Yes, I would have gotten some (or a lot) of "No's," or "Thanks, but no thanks," or "I already have a boyfriend, sorry" (which I've recently heard isn't always true when a girl says that, it's often just an excuse she uses when she's not interested in a particular guy). However, I bet I would have also gotten some "Yes's," and one of those "Yes's" could have become my girlfriend, maybe even wife, or unfortunately, my ex-wife once she found out about my emotional instability . But I guess growing up, I gave the impression that I didn't WANT to talk to anybody (due to my low self-esteem from the birth defects), so I guess I deserved it.

Now, at 33, I'm getting to the age where I might not ever be able to find Ms. Right. Many women my age, if I go by Facebook, already have a husband and kids of their own. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without ever being loved by a significant other, so that often leads to thoughts of suicide as well.

In a way, I have the "right" to be pissed off at the world because I've been ignored most of my life, but if I keep holding onto that anger, I will never get better. It's going to take a long time of therapy and possibly medication before I ever get better.

Also, as stated above in my previous posts, I tend to be a manipulative control freak and then get angry/hopeless when people don't listen to me...I need to work on that too!

thanks...I understand your situation better...