[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Disclaimer: This is not suicide talk but rather just emotions. Do not attempt to stretch it out of proportion or put emphasis on something where it does not belong. Thank you.

Ok, so since all the stress my husband and I been going through, he was being rather cruel in non-physical ways to me for awhile. The past couple days, he has not done so as much. Which gives me time to wind down. But in winding down, I find myself wondering "would it really matter if I died tomorrow or even today? would anybody truly notice and if they did would they care? would they even care enough to be sure I got a proper burial, or just let the state handle it? what does my existence matter, other than it freaks both me and others out to consider if I helped the process of ending my existence?" Seriously, I am not sure what's worse - being wound so tight I felt I couldn't think or breathe without the world caving in on me, or winding down and being slammed with unwelcomed thoughts...

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I'm here if you want to talk. I hope you feel better soon. Sending big hugs.

[Fuzzybear]

[NeedHaldol]

I think about death all the time. Always about what it would do to my wife. I can not get life insurance because of my illness.

Neither option is a good one, but I think unwelcome thoughts is a better option. You can start to learn how to deal with those thoughts and how to combat the adverse effects on you.

People would think about you when you're gone. It is not worth it - allow those people to think about you now. If you have a close friend you can talk to, or get a therapist - you need a way to deal with these feelings you are having.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by NeedHaldol

I think about death all the time. Always about what it would do to my wife. I can not get life insurance because of my illness.

Neither option is a good one, but I think unwelcome thoughts is a better option. You can start to learn how to deal with those thoughts and how to combat the adverse effects on you.

People would think about you when you're gone. It is not worth it - allow those people to think about you now. If you have a close friend you can talk to, or get a therapist - you need a way to deal with these feelings you are having.

I have coping techniques and etc in place n they work, even though​ I have no real life friends nor therapist currently. I just really get tired of having to do those things when honestly this isn't from my MH issues, it's from circumstantial things. Even people without any MH issues would find themselves dealing with unwelcomed thoughts at this point. Honestly though I really am uncertain if people even care aside from a few here, but if those in my real life never notified anyone here (which they would not bc they don't know how to access my account n I prefer it that way), then how would anyone here know? Suicide is never a danger for me as I decided long ago the complications of a failed attempt are too high a risk, but still the thoughts can spiral me if I am not careful. When I spiral, I start hallucinating, I dissociate, I become suicidal even though it's never "enough", my anxiety becomes horrendous, my PTSD goes through the roof, and I detach myself from everyone and "cocoon" but when I "emerge", I am very unstable and normally land in a psych hospital.
It's been a few years since that has happened and I don't want it to happen now.

[Goals2017]

[lowpoint]

Very sorry for the hard times, Crypts. Sending love your way - I'm here if you want to talk, if helps.

[MickeyCheeky]

(((Crypts))) I can relate a lot to your feeling. I often think that way, too. What would happen if I died? Would anybody care?

Just know, though, that I DO CARE about you, and I'd miss you greatly.