Can anyone relate to this

When people post in blogs and on internet boards etc, how they have been suicidally depressed, sometimes for a long time. They may or may not be in therapy. Almost inevitably an answer, sometimes the major answer, will be a med change or a med adjustment.

I'm happy for people who have Severe Clinical Depression who have the option of taking meds which may ease the pain and other feelings, fear, emptiness, hopeless, extreme suicidal ideation. I believe everyone with severe Depression is strong to continue to try at all, whatever their "level of functioning" or perceived "level of functioning" is.

And yet, I feel weak, and less "deserving" than everyone else as I cannot tolerate meds. So on the occasions I visit a doctor there is very little they can do.

I'm sorry this (what I posted above) probably makes me sound selfish,

I am genuinely happy for those who have the self care tools, including meds, to help with their Mental Illness. I'm especially happy for those who feel they are on the road to Recovery)

What is recovery? This is a big topic I think

I do have self care tools, in many ways I'm very grateful for my life and I'm certainly grateful for all the many people in this world who genuinely care, I know there are many (and I'm one of them, those few who are closest to me know this for sure, I hope)

I have tried multiple antidepressant medications. All but one I tolerated fairly well, but none of them have helped much. The medical systems to which I "belong" have essentially triaged me off to the side with "stability" rather than "recovery" being the goal. Consequently, "stability" is the focus of my self-care toolkit.

Strength and success to all those who can reach toward recovery.

You made an important distinction that I had not considered before...the difference between stability and recovery. Thank you.