today a marching band went past my window

playing songs and stuff... I am not sure what the event was, but it made me feel really left out and really depressed.

it's not memory based- I don't have any memories of parades, it's just... I suppose it's more ashamed of the person I am.

like.. I could have been in a parade, I could have been anything I wanted too, but i'm not and it's thanks to my dam MI, and the fact I've got no friends
to invite me to things.

I want a private ****ing marching band now to play me some music.

Originally Posted by happycheeks

Well, let's say I feel hurt, upset and numb. My dog had to be put down yesterday. He couldn't eat, get up and he was living in constant misery. Mum told me he wet himself and he had a look in his eyes that said "I don't want to live in this misery anymore". It wouldn't be fair to see him suffer just because of our selfish reasons. The house feels empty and it's weird not waking up to see him. I kept waking up during the night and kept having dreams about him. I had weird dreams. My voices got louder but I heard less voices when I calmed down. I'm doing my best to cope.

I'm sorry to hear about the doggy

what happened?

(only if you want to share)

Why isn't there a magic pill to rid worry and rumination? I feel like I'm drowning here.

[introspectiveme]

I made someone laugh. Felt better.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Rose - it was only after I got medication for sleep and a stimulant for the morning that I started evening out. I hope you’ll persist and that it works for you as well.

I've been afraid they would think I'm "drug seeming." Your post gives me a bit more confidence to ask.

I meant "drug seeking."

Originally Posted by happycheeks

Well, let's say I feel hurt, upset and numb. My dog had to be put down yesterday. He couldn't eat, get up and he was living in constant misery. Mum told me he wet himself and he had a look in his eyes that said "I don't want to live in this misery anymore". It wouldn't be fair to see him suffer just because of our selfish reasons. The house feels empty and it's weird not waking up to see him. I kept waking up during the night and kept having dreams about him. I had weird dreams. My voices got louder but I heard less voices when I calmed down. I'm doing my best to cope.

Sorry to hear that. Losing a pet is so tough. Sometimes it can be harder than losing someone.

[Rose76]

happycheeks - I'm sorry to hear about your dog. It will be very painful for awhile. I've been through it, myself. Over time, it gets less painful, but that can take a while.

I think releasing a dog from suffering is the kind thing to do, but terribly painful for the person making the decision.

[Marsfx]

I feel okay, just okay. But it's afternoon and I'm still in bed. I'm not sure if my roommate left. And in a way I know I'm self isolating but can't stop. But at least I'm not having super negative ideas

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by happycheeks

Well, let's say I feel hurt, upset and numb. My dog had to be put down yesterday. He couldn't eat, get up and he was living in constant misery. Mum told me he wet himself and he had a look in his eyes that said "I don't want to live in this misery anymore". It wouldn't be fair to see him suffer just because of our selfish reasons. The house feels empty and it's weird not waking up to see him. I kept waking up during the night and kept having dreams about him. I had weird dreams. My voices got louder but I heard less voices when I calmed down. I'm doing my best to cope.

So very sorry to hear your sad news x x x

[Aemulus2058]

I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday, and it really helped so much. I figured out a lot about my self from my past struggles with grief and finally realized out that my meds are actually working!!! I just have to remember that now I'm going through uncomplicated grief unlike a few years ago where I had complicated grief piled on top of mild depression. My depression has worsened since then, but now my medicine is helping me a lot. I'm so happy I can finally focus on things, and I don't feel the heavy sadness most nights anymore. I feel that I still have room to improve but I'm hopeful. If I feel like this from only being on Viibryd for two weeks, I can't wait to continue to take it and hopefully continue to heal. I can finally grieve my grandfather's loss in peace.

[Rose76]

Here it is afternoon already, and I am still trying to wake up. I don't even feel especially despondent. But it's hard to talk myself into doing anything. Mainly, I feel apathetic and uninterested in everything.

Another typical Saturday today. I was a bit disappointed this morning when I wanted to buy some loose-leaf tea at a store near me. I looked on their web site yesterday and it said that they open at 7AM. I got there at 8:35 and it was still closed. Then I noticed a sign saying that they open at 9AM. Well, at least there was a Target nearby and I had to pick up a few things. So going there killed some time while having to wait. It was nice being at the store that had the tea at 9 since I was the only one there. Normally I've been to that store in the mid-afternoon and it's jammed with no parking.

I did my usual Saturday stuff today and it seemed like I had a lot of leftover time to myself. Now I think that I may have squandered that precious extra time by being on my laptop. I could have taken a longer bike ride today than usual.

I will be writing a thread soon on here about friends. I hope that it will help me. Be on the lookout for it!

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by will19

Another typical Saturday today. I was a bit disappointed this morning when I wanted to buy some loose-leaf tea at a store near me. I looked on their web site yesterday and it said that they open at 7AM. I got there at 8:35 and it was still closed. Then I noticed a sign saying that they open at 9AM. Well, at least there was a Target nearby and I had to pick up a few things. So going there killed some time while having to wait. It was nice being at the store that had the tea at 9 since I was the only one there. Normally I've been to that store in the mid-afternoon and it's jammed with no parking.

I did my usual Saturday stuff today and it seemed like I had a lot of leftover time to myself. Now I think that I may have squandered that precious extra time by being on my laptop. I could have taken a longer bike ride today than usual.

I will be writing a thread soon on here about friends. I hope that it will help me. Be on the lookout for it!

I'll look out for that, Will

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by sky457

Second difficult family outing. Last week one state, this week a different state. Both grandparents are about to go. I feel alone...

Sorry you feel alone. Do you want to say more about it?

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Brentus

Why isn't there a magic pill to rid worry and rumination? I feel like I'm drowning here.

If you find one, can you send a couple my way?

It's awful, to feel like you're drowning

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

The Christmas blues caught up with me sooner than I expected. I think it's the music. I'd just settled in a cafe with a coffee and a gingerbread man, when 'I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas' started playing.

That song kills me.

Thank you everyone. You have all been really supportive. I'm feeling better today. I feel a bit numb but I can deal with that.

[katydid777]

New day same stuff. As soon as my brother got up, my husband decided he needed to work on the other room, so I get to babysit my oldest brother. I just want to run away from both of them for several days.

[Patagonia]

Taking the first conscious breath of the morning w/a fuzzy brain & tears already welling, not letting myself sob....well it’s not a great way to greet the day anymore.

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

The Christmas blues caught up with me sooner than I expected. I think it's the music. I'd just settled in a cafe with a coffee and a gingerbread man, when 'I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas' started playing.

That song kills me.

I get the Christmas blues myself. It's very hard to go shopping and that music is piped in. It feels like torture. Yesterday, when I went to the Japanese store to pick up tea, the store was playing a Christmas song that sounded like it came from the 1930s or 40s. It was real cheesy. I was very surprised that the Japanese people would like that kind of music. I thought that they didn't believe in Christmas.

[Sunflower123]

I’m not depressed or happy. I just feel numb right now and that’s rare for me. I’ve found myself posting much less over the past several days but I’m around with my hugs and lots of best wishes and care.

I see my tdoc tomorrow and my pdoc Thursday so we’ll get it straightened out.

Big hugs to those that are struggling.

It's very early in the morning here now. So far I feel like I'm in a roll for one little thing going wrong after another. Last night I wanted to go into the downtown area to walk around and get exercise. I had been gaining some weight. Also I wanted to see Christmas decorations in the stores. It didn't happen because I couldn't find a free parking space. It had never been a problem before.

This morning my friend (whom I got back together with) called me and asked me if I wanted to come over and help him with the Christmas decorations. I turned it down. Yesterday he and I didn't get together because he invited another guy over. I don't know why he didn't ask that guy if he could help him with the Christmas decorations. Well anyways, my friend sounded like he's very disappointed. For some strange reason there's something about people asking me favors that gets on the wrong side of me. And now I feel bad.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by will19

I get the Christmas blues myself. It's very hard to go shopping and that music is piped in. It feels like torture. Yesterday, when I went to the Japanese store to pick up tea, the store was playing a Christmas song that sounded like it came from the 1930s or 40s. It was real cheesy. I was very surprised that the Japanese people would like that kind of music. I thought that they didn't believe in Christmas.

Yeah, every year I tell myself Christmas won't get to me. But it always does.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by happycheeks

Thank you everyone. You have all been really supportive. I'm feeling better today. I feel a bit numb but I can deal with that.

Really glad you felt slightly better. It's so sad for you. How are you doing now?

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m not depressed or happy. I just feel numb right now and that’s rare for me. I’ve found myself posting much less over the past several days but I’m around with my hugs and lots of best wishes and care.

I see my tdoc tomorrow and my pdoc Thursday so we’ll get it straightened out.

Big hugs to those that are struggling. :grouphug

I've missed seeing you around. But you must put your well-being first. Hope you get some answers this week.