[introspectiveme]

I have to get some work done. I slept the day away. Hopefully tomorrow.

[Angelique67]

This is just one of those days when vaping doesn't easily fit into a smoking schedule. I wish I just had it in my room and I could use it naturally.

Originally Posted by will19

This morning my friend (whom I got back together with) called me and asked me if I wanted to come over and help him with the Christmas decorations. I turned it down. Yesterday he and I didn't get together because he invited another guy over. I don't know why he didn't ask that guy if he could help him with the Christmas decorations. Well anyways, my friend sounded like he's very disappointed. For some strange reason there's something about people asking me favors that gets on the wrong side of me. And now I feel bad.

I just got a message from my friend just now. This is what he wrote me:

"That’s fine. I won’t hold it against you if I fall and break my neck.
Have a nice day in the sun."

[Angelique67]

Will, your friend is laying a guilt trip on you. Maybe you weren't wrong to break up with him.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Sounds to me like he is trying to manipulate your emotions n by doing so, your actions - don't let him.

[MatBell]

I talked to a family member today for the first time in a year. It felt really good. I’m happy that we can talk again.

A bit nervous about work tomorrow. It’s been very stressful so far. I hope it gets better.

[FallDuskTrain]

Trigger warning....
I cannot handle being around people. I had a nervous breakdown.... first time in my life.... i broke the plates.... threw them on the floor....i am crying now, uncontrollably.
I am a useless mess. Just like my ovaries.
I am a mess. I am hurting so much.... this pain is so great... why continue? I am a useless person... everything is so ****ing painful....
i have been in the dark for so long... what is the point of trying if there is no hope?

[mulan]

First day of my trip, ok mehh. It's cold and I have got a cold. Saw some museums and a palace today. Hope I will remember some of this this in the future, as I am not really present.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

Trigger warning....
I cannot handle being around people. I had a nervous breakdown.... first time in my life.... i broke the plates.... threw them on the floor....i am crying now, uncontrollably.
I am a useless mess. Just like my ovaries.
I am a mess. I am hurting so much.... this pain is so great... why continue? I am a useless person... everything is so ****ing painful....
i have been in the dark for so long... what is the point of trying if there is no hope?

Fall dusk... what's going on? Can you tell us more about it? Are you safe?

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Fall dusk... what's going on? Can you tell us more about it? Are you safe?

Thank you for caring. I am safe.
Just exhausted and extremely worried.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Worried about what?

[sky457]

Just don't know anymore..

Originally Posted by introspectiveme

I have to get some work done. I slept the day away. Hopefully tomorrow.

The same thing has been happening to me the past few days. I also think like you, hopefully tomorrow

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

Trigger warning....
I cannot handle being around people. I had a nervous breakdown.... first time in my life.... i broke the plates.... threw them on the floor....i am crying now, uncontrollably.
I am a useless mess. Just like my ovaries.
I am a mess. I am hurting so much.... this pain is so great... why continue? I am a useless person... everything is so ****ing painful....
i have been in the dark for so long... what is the point of trying if there is no hope?

Have hope. Even I have these episodes. And I am still alive and better now. Maybe you could speak to your pdoc so that this does not turn into regular aggression outbursts like mine did.

Originally Posted by will19

I just got a message from my friend just now. This is what he wrote me:

"That’s fine. I won’t hold it against you if I fall and break my neck.
Have a nice day in the sun."

I think both you and your friend like each other a lot. And you are possessive of him too. Is it possible to help him with the christmas tree still or is it already done?

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

I'll look out for that, Will

Me too.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

Thank you for caring. I am safe.
Just exhausted and extremely worried.

Thinking of you. Hope the new day brings a slightly brighter outlook

[wool&plaid]

Hi! I've never posted on this thread before and I'm kind of new so here goes:
This weekend was rough and confusing and I returned to some harmful behaviours that haven't been an issue in many years. I thought I was getting better and I know its not a linear path but it was still disappointing.
But today is monday, 11.30 and I am out of bed, dressed, had coffee and toast and I am going to try to just move on. The problem is that I don't have quite enough motivation to move beyond the harmful things right now. I feel like I'm faking my way through normal life.

[nikon]

hey everyone. sending thoughts to those of you who are in a dark place today.

it feels like i haven't been on here for ages. for a week or so i think i was in a great frame of mind, and i've been doing my studying etc. for the last couple of days i'm still ok but something feels weird. like, in my head, something feels jarring, like the mental equivalent of leaving the house forgetting to change out of pyjamas. I've been reading adult content stuff online, like stories, and one part of me thinks it's a perfectly normal part of being human, but another part of me feels like it's a "sin" and makes me dirty and a bad person. i'm not in a relationship and don't really want to be in one. i don't know why it feels so bad, i'm not religious at all and had minimal exposure to religion growing up.

i've been socialising a lot more, which is great, and volunteering, but i'm scared of telling my therapist about the above paragraph, because i feel like he disapproves. i also am just feeling exhausted a lot of the time and hungry all the time. like sometimes if there's food near me i can't stop obsessing about it.... i am in recovery from an eating disorder and have messed up my hunger cues so much i have no idea what is real hunger, what is emotional cravings, what is medication hunger etc.

[nikon]

hey everyone. sending thoughts to those of you who are in a dark place today.

it feels like i haven't been on here for ages. for a week or so i think i was in a great frame of mind, and i've been doing my studying etc. for the last couple of days i'm still ok but something feels weird. like, in my head, something feels jarring, like the mental equivalent of leaving the house forgetting to change out of pyjamas. I've been reading adult content stuff online, like stories, and one part of me thinks it's a perfectly normal part of being human, but another part of me feels like it's a "sin" and makes me dirty and a bad person. i'm not in a relationship and don't really want to be in one. i don't know why it feels so bad, i'm not religious at all and had minimal exposure to religion growing up.

i've been socialising a lot more, which is great, and volunteering, but i'm scared of telling my therapist about the above paragraph, because i feel like he disapproves. i also am just feeling exhausted a lot of the time and hungry all the time. like sometimes if there's food near me i can't stop obsessing about it.... i am in recovery from an eating disorder and have messed up my hunger cues so much i have no idea what is real hunger, what is emotional cravings, what is medication hunger etc.

[Kote]

Had a decent weekend. 7 hours of overtime work on Saturday, and I took my dog to the vet yesterday. She hasn't been using her hind right leg for a couple of weeks. Vet said that knee/hip problems are somewhat common for chihuahuas. Luckily the x-rays showed no major damage & she doesn't cry about it so surgery is not needed. Which is good because I can't afford it financially or emotionally. I also saw something that writer Dan Harmon said on Twitter when someone asked him for advice on dealing with depression & what he said helped me so I'll post it here in case it helps someone else.

"For One: Admit and accept that it’s happening. Awareness is everything. We put ourselves under so much pressure to feel good. It’s okay to feel bad. It might be something you’re good at! Communicate it. DO NOT KEEP IT SECRET. Own it. Like a hat or jacket. Your feelings are real. Two: try to remind yourself, over and over, that feelings are real but they aren’t reality. Example: you can feel like life means nothing. True feeling. Important feeling. TRUE that you feel it, BUT...whether life has meaning? Not up to us. Facts and feelings: equal but different. The most important thing I can say to you is please don’t deal with it alone. There is an incredible, miraculous magic to pushing your feelings out. Even writing “I want to die” on a piece of paper and burning it will feel better than thinking about it alone. Output is magical. Dark thoughts will echo off the walls of your skull, they will distort and magnify. When you open your mouth (or an anonymous journal or blog or sketchpad), these thoughts go out. They’ll be back but you gotta get em OUT. Vent them. Tap them. I know you don’t want to but try it."

[regretful]

Having a very difficult day, especially getting my mind to focus/shift to something other than the bad decisions that I have made in my life. I know that it's the depression talking. This is a place (depression) where I never thought I would be again...

[katydid777]

Well, I thought today started out normal. Then at 10 we got a knock at the door. I was still in my pj's. My husband invited this man to check my husband's sheetrock work. He did, and the guy said he could fix it for 125 dollars, and my husband agreed to it, and for it to be done now. All the guy is doing is mudding over the spots that my husband didn't do right. The guy isn't sanding, or anything else, but it cost us 125. I had already paid our land taxes, and our lawyer to get the title of the land. Then my husband did this, so now I guess Christmas is off this year, because now we can't afford it, and be able to eat for the month. He does this all the time, and never asks me about anything. I also guess I will have to put my jewelry in pawn, so I can take the dog to the vet. So my day is going very bad so far.

This morning didn't start off so good. I felt alright after breakfast. And then I looked at my email message and got my result from the blood test that I had last Thursday. The result wasn't the way I wanted it to be, so it looks like I'm going to have medication again. I thought that I would be all set. Not so.

And then I discovered to my horror that I had brought the wrong lunch to work. But I'm going to work it out somehow.

Originally Posted by will19

This morning didn't start off so good. I felt alright after breakfast. And then I looked at my email message and got my result from the blood test that I had last Thursday. The result wasn't the way I wanted it to be, so it looks like I'm going to have medication again. I thought that I would be all set. Not so.

And then I discovered to my horror that I had brought the wrong lunch to work. But I'm going to work it out somehow.

Just curious, do you get up at 5am in the morn on workdays?